A Twist In Our Love

Chapter 16 : "Dear Fear"

[ warning. mature content up ahead. may be triggering for many readers. read at your own risk.]

IVAN'S POV

At the age of nine, my family and I were in a serious car crash. When I woke up, I couldn't feel my legs and I thought I would never walk again. Now, I was a fucking soccer star. At the age of twelve, I was on a plane that had a small engine failure mid-flight. I haven't gotten on an airplane since.

Fear changes people, either way, I knew what real fear was and still, nothing compared to what I was feeling as I sped through the luminous woods. Tiny rocks crackled and popped under the hard rubber tires like popcorn, a thick trail of dust following me.

When my bright headlights stretched across a colossal lakehouse, I accelerated- not at all concerned for my own safety. As I got closer, I was able to make out Colton's truck. Fuck.

My foot slammed down on the break and I banged into the steering wheel. A searing pain spread across my chest but I simply ignored it. Without changing the gear to 'park' or 'neutral,' I threw the door open and stumbled out of the car.

There was only one thing that mattered. Him.

I flew up the wooden stairs to the lakehouse and barged inside. My foot got caught on something and in half a second my face made contact with the floor. Bam! There was a ringing in my head as I got up but I refused to slow down. I looked down and sure enough, there was a duffel bag and some car keys on the floor.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Colton?" I yelled, running into a random room. Empty. That's when I heard it - a tiny sob. I turned on my heel and headed upstairs.

COLTON'S POV

There's a certain fear that comes with dying.

The fear of the unknown. The fear of the possibility that there is no afterlife. The fear that you'll never see all the people you love ever again. And the fear that you won't end up where you want to if there is an afterlife. But I wanted to die. Anything would be better than this. I'd trade my hell for satan's hell in the blink of an eye. I wasn't afraid of death, I simply wasn't.

I looked down at my shaky hand that held the Temazepam pills. I couldn't do it. I couldn't run the risk of taking these pills only to wake up in a hospital bed. Vodka bottle still in my other hand, I made my way to the thermostat in the living room.

"Set temperature to 50 degrees Fahrenheit," I said softly. The numbers dropped from 78 to 50 and the hum of the AC was carried throughout the house by the ghosts of my childhood.

Feet dragging along the floor, I made my way up the stairs towards my bedroom bathroom, lights waking up to greet me as I passed the motion sensors. I set the little pills and bottle of vodka down by the sink. After closing the door behind me I made sure to lock it. My cheeks felt wet but wiping the tears did not matter at that point. I plugged the bathtub and turned the handle for cold water.

I leaned back against the doorframe and took another gulp of vodka as I watched my deathbed fill. I shut the water off once it reached the rim of the bathtub. Not bothering to strip, I climbed in, causing water to spill over the edges. My body began shivering immediately, it didn't help that the room got colder by the second.

I unfolded my hand and looked down at the pills once again- it was finally time.

My brain, in a last attempt to save me from myself, desperately tried to reach out for a good memory. A memory that would change my mind. But they were all tainted with the people that cornered me into this.