Condemned

-3-

'I cant believe you did that in the music lesson' - Niklaus had followed me in the hallway. It was lunch time. Since when is he showing up with me in lunch? I started regretting last night. Why didnt I tell him to leave me the hell alone?

'I did it for you and of course for the A. Since you think I'm hangover I wanted to pro..' - I couldn't finish the sentence because Delilah showed up.

'Hey Hera. Oh hey, Niklaus' - she said and Niklaus greeted her back. We entered the school cafeteria and Niklaus was telling Delilah how I sang Hangover infront of my teacher. But she wasn't finding it funny. To be honest, he made it look as if I did something extraordinary. What a boring asshole.

'Why especially that song?' -  I hate Delilah's questions and I always will.

'Because last night she was...' - Niklaus had to stop talking because I pushed my nails hard on his wrist.

'Because last night when we met at the bus station, he told me that it was his favorite song and I found it funny.' - i added.

Niklaus was so confused and after a second he let out an 'oh' because he probably remembered that it was supposed to be a secret.

'Sit with us' - said Delilah.

'You don't have to' - I added.

'You are fun. Sit with us.' - she kept telling him.

I gave her a cruel look. She winked at me and thought she was making me happy. I was fucking anxious. The three of us in a table became like a panic attack. I was scared he would mention something to her about me.

If she knew I tried weed, cigarettes and alcohol, I was a dead human. Not to mention the fact that she would never talk to me again for keeping secrets to her.

'I am actually so sad. Tomorrow I will have an exam in Physics and I can't understand a thing in it' - said Delilah.

She was brave in school. Her grades were always on top and I was proud of that. But science wasn't her strongest point. Me, on the other hand, I had nothing to do with school. I was happy even if I passed. The only subject I was good with was Literature and thats all. This was one of the biggest discussions at home with my parents: to them my future career was nonexistent and maybe they were right. I didn't care anyway. Just me being in school and not ditching every hour was enough.

'Physics is like the easiest thing ever. Once you know the essential stuff, everything else is just easy logic.' - Niklaus said while Delilah and me were looking at him like an alien.

'Nerds' - I whispered while eating my french fries and ignoring them.

'I can help you if you want. Im free after school, all three of us can meet in a cafe and I'll illuminate both of you.' - he said all happy and excited.

'Oh my god, yes please' - Delilah face looked relieved. I think she was planning for him to say that.

' Sweet! But I'm not coming. I dont care about physics. I gotta use the bathroom.' - I muttered and left the cafeteria.

I opened the bathroom door and bowed down my body. I felt like throwing up. I knew I would throw up. Holding up my hair with my hands, everything I ate at lunch was out of my stomach now.

I cursed and washed my hands and face. I looked pale. My hazel eyes looked greener and more tired than usual and the black hair made me look as if I've been living in and out of a hospital room.

It was nearly two weeks that my throwing up became an everyday thing. It wasn't the first time tho, doctors had told me that my vomiting was emotional so no, I didn't plan to go and have check ups just so they could give me antidepressants.

My body was shouting for caffeine. I needed a coffee so bad, I'd kill for it. So without thinking twice, I went to my class before the bell of lunch break rang, took my bag and got the fuck out of that school.

I don't know how much time I passed at the café with my earphones on, listening to my favorite music and sipping my amazing coffee, while trying to ignore the rest of the world.

My phone's screen lit up and showed a message from Delilah:

'Did you ditch school again? I'm going home alone then. I'll meet with Niklaus at Eden Park Café at 6 PM, will you come? ' - and the message was followed with heart and kiss emojis. I thought how even the only friend I could have only for me, was now her friend too and I smiled. Dont get me wrong, it didnt bother me, but sometimes I wish I knew someone that she didn't.

I was contemplating whether to go or not. I mean, I could try and learn some physics and get wiser and smarter. I watched the clock, 5:30 PM. Okay I will message her and tell her I'll go. The moment I was messaging Delilah, a notification from mum popped up:

'If you are home, please go and check for a letter on your father's gray sweater and tell me what it is written on it. If your aren't home, please go asap. I'd tell your brother but I dont think it's a matter for him.'

I wrote to her that I'd go home right away.

My breathing got heavier. How did mum know that a paper was there? Did she talk to dad? I felt my heart pumping like crazy. It was nearly three days that my dad had disappeared after the fight he had with mum.

I got flashbacks of everything. The fight wasn't that serious. They always used to argue like that, but what made him leave out of nowhere? I was so confused and yet so scared, I knew something just wasn't okay. He has had his phone turned off all this time and never replied to any of our messages.

Without realizing, I was running down the street and barely breathing. I opened the front door with my hands shaking and went upstairs to my parent's room.

I looked for my dad's gray sweater, but I just couldn't find it. After three minutes I found it kinda hidden in his wardrobe and checked its pockets.

A white paper was placed on my hands and I found it hard to open. I reminded myself that I needed to breathe. The letters were badly written and I could tell it was his handwriting:

'Claire and my dear kids...'

I called my mum and being out of breath I shouted: You need to come home right now.