I can still do this

chapter 15

The instant the train stops moving, I jump up and knock over six separate pieces of furniture on my way to the door. There's no time to be worried about whether or not Cato's there waiting for me, because I'm barely out the door when I see him.

Cato doesn't say a word, doesn't have to. I run the few steps to get to him, slamming into his chest hard, but he's immovable. He wraps his huge arms around me and I feel so safe that I'm instantly glad I came here. Biting my lip, I hold him tightly back, and I feel my arms shaking, but not with as much nervousness and more with relief.

"Hi," I finally say.

"Hey," he says back, his voice deep in his chest.

I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not alright, but he doesn't say anything about it. He doesn't move until I do, and then, he only pulls back a little, to check my face.

"Thank you so much," I say to him, putting my head against his chest again.

"No problem." He puts his arms back around me again and they're so impossibly thick and strong that I can't help but love how secure he makes me feel. Finally, I pull away again, and his hands slip down around my waist loosely. "What do you need?" he asks simply.

"Somewhere alone and quiet. I'll talk to everybody here later, I promise."

"No, don't worry about it," he says immediately. "It's fine." People are beginning to look at us, recognizing me and whispering. "C'mon, we should probably get out of here," he says gruffly. He takes my hand and leads me away from the train, through the streets lined with buildings much taller than any I've seen anywhere but in the Capitol. The people strolling about are dressed gaudily, in outfits clearly meant to mimic the latest fashions but only end up looking ridiculous and slightly worn.

They all look at me with wide eyes when they realize who I am. Or maybe they don't recognize me, maybe it's just the clothes. I must look pretty outlandish to them, in my boots and leather jacket, with Cinna's blazer tied around my waist. And I'm pretty sure most of them don't know what a braid is, judging by the hairdos they're all sporting.

I don't get much of a chance to gawk, though, because Cato's walking pretty fast, looking at everything like it's going to jump out and attack us. I don't understand that - this city is clean and luxurious, Peacekeepers everywhere. And tributes, too, all dressed in stretchy jumpsuits like the ones we wore during training. They have the same look Cato and Clove did at first; murderous, determined, focused, and slightly insane.

It's crazy to think about how much he's changed, how I went from being so scared of him to running to him for comfort when I don't know what else to do. For a moment, I'm tempted to be scared of him going back to how he was, but I'm too busy trying not to fall apart in public.

He glances at me, and I think he can tell what I feeling. "Just a little farther," he says.

I nod. I notice we've been heading into the less wealthy part of town - smaller, less shiny buildings, people in clothes that are more normal-looking. Still, though, it's nicer than most of my entire district.

We go up in an elevator and into an apartment that he unlocks with a key from a chain around his neck. It's empty and dark, empty of almost everything, but I don't care - that makes it kind of perfect.

He closes the door, and then stands there awkwardly, and I'm pretty sure he just doesn't know what I want. I just want him to hold me, really, but if I say that, I'll sound ridiculously weak, even by my emotional standards, so I just do it, throwing my arms around him and immediately starting to cry.

Damn it.

He doesn't seem to be bothered by it, though. His big arms go around me in return, and through my crying, it sinks in that his chin fits perfectly on top of my head. "What happened?" he asks after about a minute of me crying against his chest.