I can still do this

chapter 23

We go straight to the train, because we're very, very late.

Haymitch is beyond pissed off. "Where the hell have you been?" he demands.

"Sorry." That's the only answer I'll give him, and Haymitch is too angry and hurried to dig deeper for the actual truth. He whisks us off to the train car devoted to our styling and clothes and sits us in chairs.

"You move from here and I'll murder you," he says, and then Cinna and the team come in to work on us. They have to split up to cover us both, Cinna and Flavius working on me and Octavia and Venia moving to take care of Cato. They despair over the mud in our hair, but a pinkish foam washes out the dirt easily, without being messy and wet.

They dress us in dark clothes, consistent with mourning for Rue, because Cinna knows that's what's going to be going on without me saying a thing. And they put flowers in my hair, identical to the ones I put over Rue's body. When I finally look over at Cato, I see he's got one of those flowers in his lapel.

"Haymitch, what do we do?" I ask him when he wanders back into the train car, holding a full bottle of while liquor.

"Give the speech that's going to be on the teleprompter. Do not deviate from the speech. Do you understand me?" he says.

"Teleprompter?" I say, baffled.

"Invisible to everybody but the kids on stage. Words for you guys to read. Not a big deal, sweetheart. Pull yourself together." He takes a swig from the bottle. "Had fun in the woods?" he asks.

"How do you know about that?" I frown at him suspiciously.

"Not an idiot. If he could see you running off, I definitely could. Losing your game, Katniss."

My frown turns into a pout. "Shut up," I mutter. "I was emotionally a wreck."

"Blah blah blah." He waves his hand. "Whatever you do, do NOT be inspiring."

I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not. "Okay...?" I say hesitantly.

"Okay," he nods, and wanders out again.

They don't let us look at much of the district, whisking us through the streets and into the town hall. The mayor meets us and says bullshit things about how nice we look and whatever. I'm not listening, because Cato's taken my hand and he's holding it - not like how he did before, but better than in the interview, and I'm trying not to freak out.

Then, Effie pushes us out onto the stage. The entirety of district 11 is gathered in front of us, clapping, but I don't think for a minute they're enthusiastic about anything besides my friendship with Rue. Plus, Peacekeepers surround the crowds on all sides, stern and silent. Cato raises our linked hands and I try to smile victoriously. Once they quiet down, Cato gives his bullshit speech and then I step forwards and speak.

At first, I give the speech on the teleprompter. But then they have me talk about Rue's death, and I can't stay on cards for that. They want me to say she was a worthy tribute; that's not what comes out. "Rue was... a beautiful girl who didn't deserve to die that way," I say. "If I could've saved her, too, I would do it in a heartbeat. Thank you for sending me that bread. And thank you for the chance to know her." I look at the families of Rue and Thresh, at Rue's sister who stands just the same way as she did, like she's about to fly. "I'm truly sorry for your loss."

The sister nods solemnly, and I have to do something. Impulsively, I take a flower out of my hair and throw it to her. In the back of the crowd, one of the workers whistles, the four-note tune that Rue used to signal she was alright. I can't tell who it is at first, until he then salutes me the same way I saluted Rue. And then the whole crowd does, all at once.