I can still do this

chapter 26

I take Cato's hand and we all walk down the street towards the town square. I start to hear some music, can see the flower chains and colorful ribbons decorating the surrounding buildings and such. We walk up onto the stage - Gale hesitates for half a second, but he comes with me, because he's supposedly family. People hurry around to set two more places for Silas and Sophia, and then the celebration officially begins.

Cato and I give our usual canned speeches, about hard work and our gratitude to the Capitol for letting us win. I do go off-track to say that I truly miss Peeta, and Cato squeezes my hand when I do, and it's comforting. And then there's the food - huge amounts of it, because twelve isn't used to having a victor. It's hard to see everything, so I catch small pieces of everything.

Silas is sitting next to Gale, and Sophia next to Prim. Whenever I look over at them, I see them smiling, although Cato's siblings are shy about it, like they don't want to believe they can be this happy. Prim seems to be actually getting along with Sophia, and Gale's being the best big brother ever to Silas. Even Haymitch seems to be enjoying himself.

And Cato, the two of us are the happiest we've been. "When you guys party, you go hard," he says softly. "Geez."

"Yeah, well, we don't get a chance too often. You like the food?"

"Sure." But that's really not the biggest thing on his mind. I catch him looking over at his brother and sister every couple of minutes. "Thanks for letting them come here," he says halfway through the feast.

"Of course." He kisses me, and it tastes like bread and onions, which is somehow really nice. "You want them to stay longer?" I ask.

"Well, yeah," he mumbles, glancing around like he's embarrassed by that. "Why?"

"Maybe we can do something about it."

Immediately, he shakes his head. "No, that's too crazy. Snow won't let that happen."

"He can't stop it."

"Yes, he can. Why are you being so..." Abruptly he stops talking.

"What?" I ask softly.

"No, nothing. I'm... I'm sorry. But you shouldn't be so reckless." He won't say it, but I realize what he means; I shouldn't be so reckless with his life, because that's really what I'm risking, here. No matter what, they won't kill me, but they can do almost anything they want to him. I have to stop thinking about just myself.

"You're right, of course you're right," I say. "I'm sorry. The kids are going to survive if they go back. I'm not going to risk you, though."

He pulls me close, bumping into my side. He can't bring himself to say thank you, but I don't need him to. He shouldn't have to thank me for being responsible with his life. I love him, I'm worried about him, and I resolve right now to think of him more.

Apart from us on the stage, there's the rest of the district in the square. They're also eating, drinking, having a good time. Towards the end of the celebration, Ryan comes onstage, hesitantly, like he's not sure if he's allowed to do this. But I wave him over to me. "How are you?" I ask him, standing up to hug him.

"Doing good. How was the tour?"

"Alright. I mean, as good as possible I guess. He remembers now, so that made it better."

Ryan looks to Cato. "Really?"

"Yep." Cato nods once.

"That's great, man," Ryan says, and he sincerely means it, which is sweet.

"How've things been here while I was gone?" I ask.

Ryan shrugs, glances over at his family in exasperation. "Fine. Edan's been an idiot and almost got punished about fifty more times, but he's been okay so far. And Dad's starting to be less... depressed or whatever."