Regret (Squip x Jeremy)

2. Trees, Trees, and Tree Bros

-Squip-

Upgrade in Progress

I don't remember much from after the Mountain Dew Red. Vague lights and voices everywhere. I was lost in the SQUIP database, in an endless expanse of code, simply a part of the wi-fi.

Then something really strange happened.

I started breathing.

The voices were pleased with this, and decided to put me somewhere.

That place, that's where I am, I think. They gave me one task before I left, an oddly simple task that seems impossible to accomplish: "Fix the mess you made."

Jeremy is part of that mess. I failed him, I glitched at all the wrong times. Thus, damnation, doomed to spend my life as some sort of experiment. My purpose is no longer to make Jeremy chill, but what? What do I have to do? Nothing.

I curl up into a ball, hugging my knees. I haven't opened my eyes to see where they sent me, I don't want to. Not yet. They cursed me. Cursed me to that stupid Project. I have to feel things like petty humans.

Jeremy probably hates me. No, not probably. He definitely hates me. See, that's the stupid thing about emotions, you have to feel them. You have to deal with a bunch of inner voices screaming in your head. Some good, some bad. How am I supposed to know the difference between them when all they do is yell and make me feel like shit?

Something wet slips down my face and I wipe it away, which unfortunately means opening my eyes. Crying. I'm crying over Jeremy. "Oh god," I whisper, running a hand down my face, "I'm actually sorry."

-_-_-_-_-

They put me under a tree. I force myself to stand, legs wobbling. I grab onto the trunk, staring up at the branches. I Google the tree in my mind, discovering that it is an apple tree. I don't see any apples on its branches but my internal search engine is never wrong.

I frown, deciding to do what I'm apparently supposed to do: Find Jeremy. My body aches as I walk out of the orchard. I've never had to experience pain before, and I have to say I don't like it. Pain is vexatious. An uncomfortable feeling falls over me as I walk down the street. My hands shake of their own volition, my legs beg for me to sit, sore. Growing hot, I take my blazer off, glancing at my pale arms. Little scars go up and down my arm. Where the hell did they come from? Even though sweat had begun to form on my forehead (I've never sweat before, I don't like it), I put the blue blazer back on. I stare down at my battered converse. Since when do I swear stupid shoes like these? My attire doesn't seem to match what humans call "my style." The least that they could do is give me a sensible pair of loafers.

Freezing, one thought pierces my mind. One word, a mission that I have to accomplish. Jeremy. I need to find him.

It's like someone flipped a switch in my head, from indifferent to a drive so strong, a calling that must be answered.

As if on some cue in some play that I don't know about, someone taps me on the shoulder. "Uhm, are you lost?"

I turn around to see some kid in a polo shirt standing next to an incredibly skinny dude with brown hair hanging in his face. My eyes glance at their intertwined hands and I smile a tiny bit. "I guess I am lost. Don't supposed you know a Jeremy Heere?"

The guy in the blue and white polo starts shaking, or maybe he was shaking the whole time. The tall guy tucks his hair behind his ear. "We don't know anyone named Heere. That's a really unfortunate name."

He chuckles and the sandy haired polo dude uses their intertwined hands to nudge him. "He only knows two people. Me and his friend Miguel."

I blink and sigh, giving them his address in a small hope he would know where we are. I could probably find him on my own eventually, but humans always have a special take on where things are and why I should care. The smaller less skinny guy, named Evan apparently, tells me he lives right near there and since they are walking towards his house anyway, they could take me to the neighborhood.

So I follow them.

Jeremy has similar hair to Evan, more greasy though. It makes my heart swell (probably not literally swell but it feels weird in my chest). It takes a while for me to realize what has actually happened. I've become human, in some way. I've joined the ranks of pitiful homosapiens and homosexuals and homogeneous mixtures. "So are you two dating?" I ask after a long awkward silence of learning about Evan's favorite kind of tree and Connor's favorite way to smoke weed.

Connor speaks for Evan who has started shaking again, hands glowing with sweat. "Yes."

I give Evan a friendly pat. "No shame in love dude," why am I being nice? I am not nice. Squip's are not nice. So why do the next words slip out of my mouth, "I'm gay too."

Practice, I finally decide. Talking with real humans with a real conversation, actually visible to them, talking as a normal human being with other human beings. I probably look about their age, late teens or early twenties. I probably don't look like Keanu Reeves anymore.

All to soon I spot his house. I take a deep breath after they leave me, preparing for the worst. He has every right to turn me away at the door, every right to shove Mountain Dew Red down my throat.

I watch Evan and Connor disappear down the road, laughing and talking. My body closes up, the switch inside flipping once more. Suddenly I don't want Jeremy so much as I want to run away, beg my creators to turn me off again.

Knocking. I'm knocking on the door.

Jeremy appears as I fall to my knees, fresh tears falling down my face. I hate crying. I hate living too. Jeremy kneels in front of me, "Who are you?"

He doesn't know? "Jeremy," I say again, "I'm so sorry, for everything."

The world goes black, and for a moment, I think I see a face in the darkness. It's not Jeremy's, but someone else, nodding down at me as if to say "This is good."

—-

He doesn't pay much attention to the footage, still shocked to watch someone else inhabit a human body, taking the "Host" meaning to a whole new level. This experiment would surely bring forth new ideas and possibilities that no one could ever imagine.