Vibrations

Chapter 7

I carried my sorry ass out of there and went home. I'll admit, I laid there on the couch for a long time, feeling sorry for myself. How had one day gone so badly? How had I managed to take literally everything I had and destroy it?

After a few hours, I finally managed to fall asleep. It was a restless, exhausting sleep filled with bad dreams. It was one of the longest nights of my entire life. I knew, on one level, I should be worried about my mom. I should be worried about my future. The only thing I was worried about though, was whether or not Casey was ever going to talk to me again.

Never again would I get to see her smile in the sun as she lay next to a swimming hole. Never again would I get to see the raw joy in her eyes as she dove into a plate of bar-be-que ribs I had made for her. I would never again get a two-in-the-morning phone call that woke me up just because she felt alone. I would never see her grow old. I'd never get to make her soup when she was sick...

I felt adrift and lost...

I woke to a knock on the door, snapping awake and jumping up from the couch. I wanted to get the door open as fast as possible as I didn't want the knocking to wake Adrianna up. I felt bad for the poor kid. Sleep and an adult schedule was hard enough on a kid. I knew it had taken her forever to fall asleep last night.

Some asshole banging on the door first thing in the morning was the last thing she needed.

I rubbed my face as I ripped the door open.

My heart leapt into my throat when I saw Casey standing there in the morning light. I tried to swallow...

Fuck me in the ass with a wooden spoon! I thought, panicking.

This was so not fair! She didn't even give me a chance to come up with some sort of explanation? Some chance to come up with some sort of semi-believable lie we could tell each other to try to find some way through this? Just an early morning ambush?

Her face was puffy and I could tell she had been crying. What was worse was I knew she had been crying because of me. Because of the raw stupidity that bounced around inside my brain.

Say something you stupid son of a bitch! My brain screamed at me.

Roo saved my ass, "Big guy!" She screamed as only a three-year-old can.

She reached for me with her one free hand, her other arm was busy wrapped around the stuffed kangaroo that I had given Casey the night that Roo had been born.

Casey shushed her gently, trying to get her to be quiet, and bounced her in her arms. "Quiet now baby girl. It's still really early and people are trying to sleep."

Her eyes caught mine for a split second and as fast as I could think, as I could hope to find some of sort of forgiveness for my stupidity the previous night they swiped away from me.

"Is Adrianna here?" She asked me shyly.

I rubbed my face to try to clear my head, "She is, but the poor kid didn't get to sleep until way late."

Casey looked away from me, out into the yard, like she was trying to think. She bounced Roo, who had put a thumb in her mouth and leaned into her momma. Little Roo was looking at me, that blank stare all small children seem to adopt when they are studying something they find interesting. I stuck my tongue out at her...

It was a goofy thing to do, but the urge struck me suddenly and I just rolled with it. Roo's face lit up in a smile around her little thumb and she giggled at me.

The sound caused Casey to spin around.

I barely got my tongue back into my mouth and did my best to look innocent.