Vibrations

Chapter 10

We ate dinner, pretending to be a family. I sat on one side of Roo, her mom on the other. We took turns eating, and chatting, and getting food into a reluctant three-year-old.

It wasn't easy, and it made me wonder how Casey got any food into herself at all... if it was this challenging to get her to eat her favorite meal, how hard would it be to get her to eat something she didn't like?

We sat down on the couch after dinner to watch the movie. Roo ended up in my lap, curled against me. She started excited, full of energy and waned quickly as the movie and the comfort provided by her proximity to me lulled her off to sleep...

About a quarter of the way into the movie, Casey crawled over and nestled herself against me. She looked at me with vulnerable eyes... "Is this okay?"

I felt that lump form in my throat again and pulled her in tight to me, wrapping the free arm that wasn't pinned down being wrapped around Roo around the woman I loved.

I kissed her forehead, "Yeah. This is nice." I mumbled, enjoying the warm feminine presence of her against me.

She cuddled into me tight, and I heard her sniffle again...

I knew she was crying again, and I knew that there wasn't a damn thing I was going to be able to do to figure it out, or make it right. I decided that instead of worrying about it, instead of making it a bigger scene for her, I would just pull her tighter. She was going to be in control for a change. If she needed to cry, she could cry. If she just needed someone to cuddle her, all she had to do was climb over and take what she needed.

The day, combined with the comfort of being there with my two ladies, lulled me off to sleep about half way into the movie. My head pillowed against Casey's, Roo warm like a little bonfire against my chest. For the first time in a very long time, I felt totally comfortable, totally at peace. The world seemed to be spinning just for me, like everything was going to be completely okay from now on...

Sometimes life lifts you up just a little bit higher...

So the fall is that much more painful...

I woke to the sound of a click.

Groggy, I had to take a second to put together in my head where I was. I looked up and saw Casey was holding her phone out, taking a picture of the three of us together...

Like we were a family.

I wanted that family so badly.

She looked at me and the sadness in her eyes made me realize that all of the hope that was there... everything was like ashes in the wind.

Her eyes filled with tears, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up... I just wanted..." Her voice caught and she nearly sobbed, "I just wanted one picture with the three of us together..."

I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay. Everything would seem better in the light of morning. That she would always have me... but something in my heart told me that was a lie...

She turned and like that, her lips were on mine. Not a needy kiss, just one of quiet desperation. I kissed her back, feeling the surge of emotion in my chest that her kiss ignited in me. I wanted in that moment to just forget everything. To put Roo to bed, and carry Casey off to her bedroom. To make love to her and to never let her go...

But I knew that wasn't going to happen. Gears were in motion, the universe itself lining up the pieces to ensure that everything we knew and loved was going to be torn asunder. Glass smashed and scattered across the floor, only to cut our fingers every time we tried to pick up the pieces.