Vibrations

Chapter 11

For the first time in my life, I woke up the next morning, and didn't want to get out of bed and face the world. It was all just too much...

I laid there, on a shitty bed in my new rented home. No sheets, no blankets, no pillow. Just me, alone on a bare mattress. Light streamed in through the curtain less window, a slash of light across my face. A long time passed, and I might have fallen back asleep... or I may have just laid there catatonic.

I had no purpose.

No goal.

Honestly, I had very little that seemed worth getting out of bed for...

I knew I did. I knew I now had a daughter, just a couple hundred yards from where I now lay probably...

I knew I should get up. I should put one foot in front of the other and find a way to put myself in front of her...

But that would mean facing her mother...

I couldn't do that.

I couldn't face her.

I'd rather stare down an angry bear at that moment than look at her...

I'd rather look down the barrel of a shotgun.

I looked back on my life and wondered how I felt so empty about her now. How this beautiful thing I had once loved more than the next breath in my lungs had become... how she had become what she had become...

Now. Now I felt nothing but rage and pain.

Look on the bright side... at least you don't hate her... My brain added, helpfully.

My phone beeped on the bed next to me. I lifted it, looking at the screen. It was a text from Re...

"Can you give me a ride this morning...?"

I let the phone drop to my chest. I couldn't get out of bed. Not even for Re...

I let my brain fade to black.

Five minutes later someone was banging on my front door.

I decided they could knock until doomsday.

One minute later, someone opened my front door...

Ha! If you wanted to pout like a bitch, probably should have locked the door first! My brain laughed at me.

I heard Re come to the hallway and stop in the doorway of the open door. I lifted my head from the bed and looked at her. She stood there, her hand over her eyes. "Get out of bed lazy ass..." She told me, a smile on her face.

I let my head drop back down. "You're not the boss of me."

"I'm going to take my hand away from my eyes... so help me god, if you're naked, I'm going to have to go into the kitchen and carve my eyes out with a spoon."

I was not naked. I had no shirt on, but I had slept pretty much as I had been dressed yesterday. Jeans, my boots still on.

I stared up at the ceiling as Re took her hand away from her eyes.

Swallowing, I assured her, "Joke's on you. There's no silverware in the kitchen."

Her playful banter dropped and she came over and sat on the edge of the bed. Her face was filled with concern.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her cool hand reaching out and caressing my face, feeling for a temperature, "Are you sick?"

"Does being sick and tired of being alive count?" I murmured, feeling sorry for myself.