Magic Weaver

Chapter Eighteen(v2)

Chapter Eighteen

Deprivation

The rain outside pattered across the panels of glass in James's office (where Jack and Cedric slept), the separate tears splatting themselves across the windows and racing downward. Cedric watched them as he sat on the floor, in a trace. He had sat there all morning, simply watching the drops of rain against the window. Cedric's mind was unable to conjure any sort of thought. He could only blankly watch the world go by.  

Cedric was only sleeping three or four hours in the spam of a day, and even that small amount of sleep was slowly slipping through his fingers. He was too tired to go outside, not alert enough. If he went outside, surely the soldiers would capture him. He couldn't live like this anymore, he knew. Cedric's head swiveled to the left, seeing Rafe in the corner of his eye, but it was only a hallucination. He sighed, relieved but at the same time incredibly frustrated. He just wanted to sleep. But at the same time, he knew that he deserved this torture. He had left Emily, and now his subconscious was going to punish him over and over again until he faced up to it. Cedric fixed on what few unwelcome facts he knew, that seemed to always be on his mind, or in the corner of his mind. Rafe was not searching for Cedric. Which meant he was in the castle. Therefore, it was possible that he could be 'questioning' Emily. The king, on the other hand, was equally disturbing. It seemed odd that the king would even take the time to look for Jack, his nephew, let alone one servant. There must be a reason that the king was taking interest in Cedric, though he couldn't fathom the reason. If the king really was looking for Cedric, then it was possible that he was making Rafe torture Emily for information. The king might even question her himself. Cedric shivered, automatically, like a zombie, thinking what it would be like. He had never even seen the king in his life, but if the king was involved trying to figure out information, he might even kill Emily. Cedric wasn't sure if he could deal with the guilt if Emily was killed. Hell, he wasn't sure if he could live with it now. Cedric chuckled dementedly for a moment. His life was still in ruins, despite all that he had done, no matter how far he ran or how long he hid.  

Cedric paused, a revelation suddenly appearing in his head. Maybe running and hiding doesn't work. Cedric thought to himself, his first real thought in about two days. I need to face my demons, even if they destroy me. Because the farther I run, the harder they hunt for me.  

His brain suddenly cleared a bit. Before, even the week before when James and he had shared that moment, when he had revealed to James that he was in mental agony, he knew that he had to try to save Emily eventually. But those were for incredibly selfish reasons. Now he realized that he had to face his fears, and right his wrongs, because they were wrongs, and because Emily was suffering on his behalf. He was stupid to wait this long, until the guilt ate his writhing soul, to admit that to himself. He should have done it a long time ago. It was as if the fog around his head lifted. I need to leave. Cedric sighed, brave but at the same time wistful. There was no way he could make it in and out of the castle with Emily, not alive. But he would still try. He wouldn't run away from his past, not anymore. Cedric whipped off his glove (he had bought a new one since the old pair was in tiny pieces) and stared into the eyes of his mark. He tried his best to ignore it, to pretend his past had simply disappeared. But it never could, no matter how hard he willed it. Cedric took off his other glove, threw the pair to the ground, and vanished out the door, and down the stairs. He glanced at the door that led off into James's bookshop, where Jack was at the moment, and took off out the other door. My good friend, he thought to himself. I won't let you die as well. There's no need for that.  

Cedric whisked through the city's streets, his cloak discarded. The hilt of a new gun stuck out from his pants, gleaming. The rain soaked through his hair, and ran down his face. Cedric licked a drop of rain off his lips and pushed his sopping hair out of his face. The cold rain had already soaked down to his bones. If anyone dared to bother him, Cedric would teach them a lesson and plaster it to their forehead. What he was attempting was a suicide mission anyway, so why not be brash about it? Feeling better than he had since the nightmares began, Cedric picked up his horse from the farm, and walked it to the road to Yashu. He patted Sky's neck, sighing, and reached ahold of his mane to climb on.