Unknown Destiny: Journal Of Speeches

Please read this

I now understand why self-centered people have it easy. Because they don't have to regret being nice to people who don't appreciate it. And giving only to never get in return. We all dream of a world where nobody has to fear of being rejected. So it's only a matter of time before nobody will remember all the good things you did. Only the desicions you are making now that people judge you for.

I don't have any scars to show you, all I have are stretch marks. There's no bottles and powders, but sure enough I am drugged and intoxicated by medication. I am not crying for help, because I know I will only get sleeping pills. So that the only time I'm happy is when I'm dreaming. Only to wake up to cruel reality. Where all you do is struggle and suffer in vain because you're stubborn to accept it.

What's so wrong about wanting to be loved? When a baby screams for attention or food it's cute and endearing, because they are helpless creatures. Why am I not allowed to feel frusterated and spoiled with affection? Why does crying mean you're weak and pathetic? Aren't we supposed to protect, support, and encourage? Not belittle. Where is our humanity?

Why is it bad when you don't value your own life which you didn't ask for? In a world where people force thier beliefs and desires above your own. And you need to sacrifice your freedom for acceptance. False hope and wisdom is so tattooed into your brain to the point you suspect the worst because we are unsure of people and life's intentions?

When you're surrounded by people, but you feel so lonely? And nobody cares about if you're happy or not. Because they are just as broken as you, only they want to remind you so you never forget it. And make you feel worthless, so it distracts them from thier self hate, pity, and sabotage. Why do we think we can change anyone or anything if we don't even have the power to do for ourselves?

This speech is simply put, unoriganized. But it doesn't matter. As long as it gets the messages and feelings across. Surely this isn't the first and last one like this. How more is needed, I don't know. I thought I had gotten over depression. That all I had to do was wait for things to get better. In my point of view, I don't think it will ever happen. Someone please correct me if I'm mistaken.

Is it selfish to commit suicide because nothing and nobody makes you happy? Are you just going to say the overexpired cliche "happiness comes from yourself"? So does that mean the "friends and family" who will be "missing you" only after it's too late are worse because they didn't cherish you enough while you were alive?

Why can't you love me with all your heart?
Because you're too scared you're going to get hurt.
Me too, but I'd like people to have good memories of me.
So they can't blame me for the reason why they left, except that they couldn't offer me the same.