Dear Kellin

Chapter Three...

        The ride to my house didn’t involve much talking. Mike just listened to the music and pretended he was playing the drums. I thought that was kind of cool, how he practically knows how to play air drum.

Once we got home and went into my room, I fell onto my bed and looked at the ceiling.

“So. Why did you want to talk to me?” Mike says and sits on my desk. For a ninth grader, he was oddly muscular and tall.

“Vic sent me a letter.. I run the Dear Kellin column in the school paper.” I say quietly and look at him.

Mike just nodded his head, “Yeah. I gave him the email and told him to send you a message. I’m surprised he didn’t know it was you, since there are only about ten Kellin’s in the entire school.” He makes me laugh at that. It’s true actually, Kellin isn’t common, but it’s common.

“Why did you tell him to email me? Why not just tell him to talk to me?” Mike laughs.

“He’s scared to talk to anyone, you saw his letter. He would freak. And it would be worse talking to you.

A small smirk appears on my face, “And why is that?

Mike gives a sarcastic look and laughs, “He likes you dude. And if you aren’t gay or bi then he will be even more heartbroken. I’m shocked, really. He’s only known you for not even a whole day and he already likes you. Once he saw me in the cafeteria, he didn’t even wait to tell me about you, and he can’t talk to you, he’ll just have another panic attach.”

A small smile forms on my face. I don’t like somebody really fast, and I always got over it because they weren’t gay, or that our love would be a secret because the kids at our school would hate me instantly. But knowing that Vic liked me, I don’t know. I got all tingly inside. It felt amazing to be honest.

I searched to find the words to say to him, “Should I tell him it’s me? I mean.. He’s going to find out eventually.”

“I’m not so sure.. He would die if you said you were the one he was talking to.. Just lay low for a while and then we’ll see what to do next.”

Mike seemed so kind, yet he would do anything to protect his brother. It seemed like he was the older brother, about to pound anyone who made fun of Vic.

For about another hour or so Mike and I just talked about Vic. What he said when he told Mike about me, when Vic started awful about himself, and why. I found out that their parents were fighting, and whenever he tried to help they said he always made it worse. His father was a drunkie, and his mother didn’t have a job, so they didn’t have any money. Soon their parents got a divorce and now they live with their drunk dad. Once Vic graduates, he’s taking Mike and leaving his father. It’s all he ever talks about, besides suicide, so he said.

Soon, it got dark, which meant Mike had to leave. Kellin offered to take him home but he said no. he told me that I would get mugged before I stepped onto his porch.

So with that he left, leaving me all alone.

I kind of like being alone. I can think about everything. I don’t get enough time to, really. I have school work, and my letters, and I do a lot of extra stuff. I’m in the choir, yes I’m in choir, I actually like singing, though it’ll get me nowhere in life. But it’s actually fun. The teacher said I have an amazing voice.

Since it was getting late, I decided to go and get some food. It’s just me and my dad living here now. My mom died a little while ago, so we basically just have each other, although I wish for somebody different. He’s always bringing sluts over. That’s all he does, fuck bitches and go to work. We haven’t had a quality meal in years.

When I went downstairs, I saw my dad and a woman sleeping on the couch. I quietly sneaked over to the kitchen and made myself a sandwich.

Ever since my mom died it was harder on us, mainly me. My dad blamed me for her death, although we never really knew how she died. But every year on the day she died, he would always take it out on me. Saying it was my fault she died, how everything was my fault. But my guidance counselor helped me out. He put me in a support group for kids like me, even though I thought I was perfectly fine. But he still helped me. He practically took me under his wing, he felt like a better father to me than my actual dad.

Once I finished my sandwich I crept upstairs quietly and went onto my laptop to check my emails. I have no life so I stay on my computer a lot, but that’s okay because a lot of people email me for advice. Once I opened my mailbox I saw I got another letter from Vic.

                Dear Kellin,

                         I have a feeling you know who I am, and I have a feeling I know who you are. But I don’t want to say because I’ll freak out more. So I just stick to the letters, if that’s all right.

I’m guessing Mike went over to your house yesterday, considering he came home late and told me he went to hang with friends but he never does because he’s always at the library. He’s very smart for a ninth grader, probably even smarter than me.

But that’s not why I’m talking to you. I’m talking to you because I have nobody else who wants to talk to me. I’m still surprised that you want to talk to me. I’m just not the best to talk to. I stay quiet a lot. You’re the only person I talk to besides my brother, Mike. He’s very kind. He likes protecting me, although I can protect myself.. Sometimes.. But anyways. I’m very thankful that he’s my brother because he helps me.

He told me that he never wants to see me hurt. So I kind of hide it (I’m a pro at that).

I don’t mean to hide it. I just, do, I guess. I don’t really have any other option. I would like to talk to you in person but I would get awfully scared, if you have any ides, please write back

Love, Mr. X

I loved how he sounded scared, and I’m glad he knows who I am. I want to talk to him tomorrow. I really do but I have no idea how.He seems like an amazing guy. It makes me like him more. No, stop Kellin, we can’t have a relationship. I don’t want more people to hate me. It’s not easy, let me tell you. And it would be pointless, anyways. I couldn’t tell anyone because they would hate me, and we couldn’t go on dates because somebody would see us.

With that thought I closed my laptop and put it on the desk. I needed sleep. So that’s what I did