Dear Kellin

Chapter Eight...

Vic had widened his eyes when he saw my crying, the blade going deeper into my skin. He rushed over and tried pulling the scalpel out of my hand, but I kept shouting that this needed to be done. I needed to feel pain. Everybody made me feel pain it’s the only emotion I felt. As I screamed some nurses rushed in just as Vic got the scalpel from my hand.

‘Why did you do that?! I need it!! Give it back!” I screamed, trying to reach out for it. I grabbed Vic’s arm that was holding the scalpel as the nurses rushed over and tried to pull me away from it.

“Kellin! Stop! Please!” I heard Vic scream. I just tried to get it and cried more. They always hurt me. I felt I should do the same to myself. They didn’t care, nobody did. My mother left me. So did my dad. I had nobody. Soon Vic would leave me and I would crawl into a hole and die.

I screamed more as I felt a needle poke me. I cried, my vision blurred as I saw one of the nurses had pricked me with a syringe bottle. I soon felt Vic help me onto the bed. And then I passed out.

--

I woke a little later and looked around. Vic wasn’t there. Nobody was. I was still in the same room. I had bandages all over me now. I felt high. Everything looked weird. She put me on knockout gas or something because I felt like Bob Marley. I was tempted to take the bandages off, look at all the scars I made. I looked around, all the sharp stuff was gone. I guess they thought I couldn’t control myself. I frowned, starting to unwrap the bandages. I needed to see all the marks. It would kill me if I didn’t.

I was almost finished unwrapping it when I heard Vic yell, “Stop!” He frowned and rushed over to me, “Stop. Right now. Don’t do that Kellin.” I frowned and pulled away, looking at the bed sheets. He frowned and took my hands, “Why? Kellin why would you do that?” He frowned and I wiped my eyes.

“Because nobody needs me!” I cried, “My mom left me, my dad is kicking me out and soon you’ll leave me too! Everybody I love leaves me!” I cried and hugged him tightly. I could tell he was crying because his tears were getting on my hospital gown.

“Don’t ever say that again. Your mom didn’t want to leave you. I will never ever ever leave you. What do you mean your dad kicked you out? Why?” He frowned and hugged me tighter.

“When… When you left, he came and visited and told me I had to be out in a week. Vic I have nowhere to go.” I cried into him.

He frowned and shook his head, “You can stay with me, please Kellin. I’m not letting you live on the streets.” He said and took my hands.

I just pulled away and shook my head, “I don’t want to intrude on you guys. I’ll find a place, it’s all right.”

He shook his head and took my hands again, I didn’t resist then, “Please.” He begged, using puppy dog eyes. I couldn’t stand to say no. He looked so adorable.

“Fine. But only until I get a job and find a place to stay.” I said and looked at him. He just smiled and kissed my cheek gently. It sent tingles down my body whenever he touched me, I felt happy with him.

“Great. So what shall we do today my amazing boyfriend?” He smirked and kissed my nose. I just laughed and shrugged.

“Got any cards?” I smiled and looked at him. He rummaged through the drawers until he found a pack of cards. I crisscrossed my legs so he could sit on the bed and I patted the spot at the end of the bed, “Want to play some poker? When I was little I would always watch my mom and dad play it together. Whoever lost had to give the other person a kiss on the lips.” I laughed and smiled.