All Aboard

Part Ten

Barney

'Will she be okay, Laz?' asked Dan.

Barney had been staring at the fogged over window when he heard Dan's voice. Mikaela claiming she was gay had surprised Barney. She kept denying that anything had happened between them, denying that she was attracted to him, but he never thought she would go that far, that she would actually pretend to be a dyke to get him to back off.

'Of course she will be, Dan. Nothing's going to hurt her,' said Lazlo.

'I know, but I just meant....I hope she's all right on her own,' said Dan.

The doors of the bus opened up and Mikaela pulled herself up the steps and walked down the bus. Her mascara was hanging from her eyelashes in thick black droplets and her eyes looked puffy. Barney watched her tits heave up and down as she tried to get her sobs under control.

'Don't look at me like that, Barney. Not now,' she said, wiping her nose.

Barney blinked, not realising that Mikaela was taking any notice of him. Okay, so she was upset because of her mum and everything but that didn't mean she could start bossing him around. He could look at her however he liked; they were his eyes for fucks sake.

He wasn't stupid though; he could sense that now wasn't the time to have it out with her, so he kept his mouth shut and looked away, trying to fix the same solemn expression on his face that everyone else seemed to have.

Mikaela sat next to Dan and stared at her hands. Tears rolled down her cheeks and her shoulders jerked up and down for a few minutes until she seemed to run out of batteries and slumped against Dan. He pulled his sleeve over his hand and offered it to her, and Mikaela allowed a slight smile as she grabbed his wrist and wiped her tears away on his frayed jumper.

Barney rolled his eyes.

Pathetic, he thought.

Chloe

A few months ago, Chloe saw Mikaela sitting on the floor in the corner of the library, her arms wrapped around herself like she couldn't get warm. Chloe had heard about her mum getting cancer, but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to talk to Mikaela, to tell her she was sorry and she'd hoped she was okay. It was ridiculous. Surely death and illness transcends social cliques, but instead of walking over and offering some kind words, Chloe had looked the other way.

Mikeala was a total mess. The photos of her and Barney at Ryan's party had stirred up so much buzz, but seeing her so wretched with pain as she got back on the bus, none of it, the speculation, Mikaela's anger, Barney's behaviour, none of it meant anything. Is that life? thought Chloe. Is it just a series of stumbles and trips, transient and meaningless, and then you take it all away and what do you have? Do you have death?

Chloe knew Mikaela wasn't the girl in the photos, so why had she pretended to be? Why did she let Barney touch her in a way that only someone you love should touch you? She wasn't sure if Mikaela's reaction to the photos was real or not, especially when she considered the photos Mikaela and her friends shared of themselves. Why did they want people to see every aspect of their lives, every intimate detail which loses any intimacy the moment it's shared? Chloe knew what it was like to have people point and whisper as you passed them, but had Mikaela brought it on herself?

Chloe thought of her sister. She was angry at her for leaving her in a house with parents who didn't want to talk about what had happened. There was a radio silence when it came to even breathing the first letter of Ella's name.