tbh. || Lucas Jade Zumann

Chapter 15

Lucas

I sit yet again in front of the school waiting for the doors to open as Phil, Erica and Matt chat amongst themselves, completely ignoring me.

But I can't let it bother me seeing as I'm not sitting with them outside today. I'd rather be alone really.

I read my book trying to distract myself from the noisy conversations secretly envying what I no longer feel I have.

I sigh looking bitterly back at my book wishing that my friends where the friends I once knew.

Gaile

My mom and I drove in silence the whole ride looking at me in pure anger every time she turned my direction.

"You should've left you're hair alone, shorter hair makes you look bloated."

I bite my bottom lip picking at my hangnails even though it hurt like hell to pull them.

"Tell me Gaile, why the hell would you mess your hair up like that?"

I didn't answer and I couldn't. It's not like she'd understand and it's not like I want her to.

"Answer me Gaile," her tone got heavier and so did the already large amounts of stress on my shoulders as she yelled.

"Fine you want the silent treatment, we can do that." she starts to mock my voice, "mom I need new clothes, mom I need a ride to the store, mom I need new school supplies. Now how would it make you feel if I never answered you?"

Again I didn't answer making her more upset. She pulled up at the school and I could here the click of the mechanical locks signal me to get out. Taking my back pack with me, I get out of the car.

Not even five seconds after shutting the door she drives off. I sigh yanking at my hang nail, the blood oozing from my middle finger.

Seeing the blood leaving my body made me feel like it's no where near close enough to the amount I want to see.

I'm just so angry with myself right now. Why would I do this to my hair? What the hell is wrong with me?

All these questions soon lead to one answer as I head towards the bathroom I hold my small safety pin in hand knowing the solution to this short lived problem that seems to last forever is only one or two scratches away.

Lucas

To say I'm bored is an understatement. I hate economics and I hate that they make it a requirement to pass. It's like taking U.S. history all over again.

I guess we need to learn from our past mistakes but some things these people fought about just seemed useless.

I block out the teachers voice thinking about after school tech rehearsals and what I should say or do with Gaile to prevent her from running away and just talk to me.

"Psst! Lucas!"

I turn around seeing Matt leaned forward, "what's up with you dude you barely sit with us anymore you're girlfriend is getting a little pissy about it."

I roll my eyes, "I just have to focus on school for a little bit, that's all."

He makes a face, "when did you become a nerd all of a sudden?"

I ignore him taking deep breaths a flashback of middle school replaying in my head. I force them down distracting myself by paying attention to what the teacher says as she describes the different kinds of government.

Gaile

I didn't sit in the lunch room today. I didn't want everyone staring at my haircut and see my round face more prominent that it usually is.

I sat on a bench near the fields and library resting my head on the table just wanting to fall asleep and never wake up.

I've been so tired recently, barely getting any sleep. I think about my parents immediately feeling guilty about what I'm constantly putting them through.

My moms right, I'm never doing anything right. I think about the way I want to die, thinking about reliving my parents and everyone from their heavy burden, that just so happened to be me.

I thought about how I would be the talk of the town for a month at least before they forget about me. I think about how no one would even recognize me, I thought about how my mom and dad would finally be able to do what they need to without me slowing them down.

I mentally went through the pros and cons of my death, there were more pros than cons causing a tear to roll down my face.

No one wants me here I know it.

I let out a cry my body shaking now, no one wants me here. I entangle my fingers between the holes in the bench gripping the metal as I cry, no one wants me here.