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Soundcheck went by without a hitch, and afterwards the show did too. Lauren caught a glimpse of Zack watching her from the side of the stage as she drummed a few times throughout the show but had done her best to ignore him. She wasn't sure if he was watching her to try and trip her up, or perhaps because he'd never actually seen her drum live, but either way this was easily the biggest tour her band had been on and she wasn't willing to fuck it up.
She sneaked out of the venue after the show, doing her best to avoid everyone. She'd made it all the way to her bunk on the bus and was climbing in when Nikki's voice sounded from behind her.
"You're really not going to tell me anything?" she asked, and Lauren shrugged as she climbed into her top bunk. "He looked at you like you were a ghost he thought he'd gotten rid of," she observed, and Lauren choked out a dry laugh.
"That's probably because I am a ghost he thought he'd gotten rid of," she said, and Nikki cocked her head to the side and seemed to, for the first time, realize that Lauren wasn't exactly excited about the situation.
"Shit. Real shit went down between you guys, didn't it?" Nikki asked, and Lauren nodded slowly. "Are you okay?" she asked, and just like when Matt had asked her a similar question earlier in the night, she didn't really know the answer.
"Yeah," she said quietly, and Nikki reached up and grabbed her hand and squeezed it before disappearing deeper into the bus somewhere.
Lauren pulled the curtain on her bunk closed, throwing herself backwards into a horizontal position. She sighed heavily, not able to get the image of Zack's tear-stained cheeks out of her mind.
The next thing she knew, she was being jarred awake by her phone ringing somewhere deep within her bunk. She dug around for it, finally finding it underneath some blankets. She glanced at the time and was surprised to find out it was almost three in the morning. The number flashing across the screen of her phone was one she didn't have saved, but she knew immediately by the fact that it was out of Huntington Beach, California that it was one of the guys from Avenged.
"Hello?" she asked into the phone, her voice coming out in a quiet rasp.
"Hi."
The one word was all she needed to know she was speaking to Zack. Tears filled her eyes even though she wasn't sure why and she didn't know what to say.
"I got your number from your lead singer. Well, she kind of forced it on me. I didn't ask for it. She's... bubbly," he said, and a small laugh bubbled up and out of Lauren's throat.
"That's one word for it," she said, shaking her head. Nikki was one of her best friends in the whole world, but she was loud and persistent when she wanted something and, quite honestly, a bit of a pain in the ass when she wanted to be. She could just imagine her forcing her number on Zack.
"You're really fucking good, Lo. He'd be proud."
Zack whispered the words, and at first Lauren was sure she'd misheard them. As soon as her brain formulated just exactly what he'd said, a couple of stray tears slipped down her cheek silently.
The 'he' Zack was referring to was none other than Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan. He'd been an integral member of their friend group most of their lives until he'd passed away unexpectedly. He'd been Avenged's original drummer and Lauren had always been particularly close to him. He'd been her best friend since they were ten. He was the reason she'd started drumming. Hell, he was the reason a lot of things about her were the way that they were.
His passing had absolutely broken her, and had changed everything between her and the guys, specifically her and Zack. A lot of shit had happened, and it haunted her still. Jimmy was always on her mind. He was always the one she was working for, always the one she was going out of her way to make proud. Zack saying those words to her meant the absolute world to her and completely caught her off guard.
"Z..." she trailed off, the nickname coming out of her mouth thick with a sob. He was silent, seemingly waiting for her to gather her thoughts. Eventually, she did enough to thank him quietly.
"You're welcome. I'm sorry I was such a dick earlier. I just... I didn't know what it was going to be like seeing you. I didn't know it was going to make me so angry. It's been almost ten damn years and it feels like it was yesterday. I'm just as hurt and confused as I was the day you left," he told her, and she closed her eyes tightly, thinking back to the day she'd walked out of the apartment they'd shared for the last time. She nodded even though he couldn't see and choked out another sob.
"I'm sorry."
She knew the words weren't enough, but they were all she could manage. She missed him. She missed Jimmy. She missed all of them. She missed the way things had been before, and talking to Zack made her wish they could be the same again. She wasn't sure they could, though, and above everything else she wasn't sure he could ever actually let her back in.
"Me too."
His reply was quiet and strained and she could tell immediately that he was crying too.
"I miss you."
The words slipped through her lips before she had a chance to stop them and she waited nervously for his reply.
"I miss you too."
His whispered words surprised her and made her cry harder. She wished she could go back in time and change everything. She wished she knew how to make it better. But she didn't. All she knew was that listening to Zack's ragged breathing on the other end of the phone line was absolutely breaking her heart.
