TENDAE

3.0

You're always like this
Calling me when you're drunk
Like you're my (lover)
Asking me to pick you up
Then I go right away, like a fool
But not you
Whenever I make up my mind to call
You only pick up when you want to

(Jiwon)

-Hyung! - he called me late at night, and I picked up immediately at the first ring.
I might or might not have set a special ringtone for him, but that's a story for another day.
I only hummed in response. We knew each other too well, and it was supposed to be our cue for the other to speak. In fact, I didn't know what to say. Speaking to him was so rare those days, when we were too busy in our personal projects, that words stopped naturally rolling off my tongue.
-It's freezing outside...
-Where are you?
-The studio, where else?
-Do you bring along a blanket?
-That is not what I'm trying to say, hyung. - he said, chuckling softly, as if I was being silly.
It almost felt like no distance whatsoever had set us apart. And that was just one of the million reasons why the sound of his laughter became something I cherished the most as I entered further and deeper into the desirable, yet forbidden place called stardom.
-What are you trying to say then? - I asked, unable to wipe a stupid grin off my face.
-Let's go eat some ice cream together!
-Now?
-Yes, now! Don't you see it? Now is the perfect timing. The weather is cold, and so is ice cream. It's late, and I bet that no one would even notice us, let alone recognize who we are. You and me, just the two of us, two nameless passerby's embarking on a midnight adventure in one of the most glorious cities in the world? Could it get any better than that?
-No, of course not! - my grin widened. My blood was rushing through my veins, my whole body was heated up with the excitement at the mere thought of sharing a little secret journey with him, once again, just like the good old days.
-So, what do you say?
-You needn't ask. The answer is always yes.
-Thank you, hyung! See you at the front gate in five!

-I'm glad you asked me to come.
-Why? - he asked, as he blew warmth into his hand, trying not to shudder under the snow pelting down our heads - We have always had adventures like this.
-I'm not sure, you seem to prefer your time alone nowadays.
He didn't answer me immediately. He dropped his hands in the jacket's pockets and turned to look at me. He seemed bemused. I never knew if he was avoiding explanation or actually clueless, nevertheless, I didn't dare dig deeper into the topic.
Afraid that the silence would ruin our rare time spent together, I casually slung my arm around his shoulders, just like the good old days, pulled him close enough so that my low whispers could be heard, and plastered a happy smile on my lips,
-Forget what I said, where do we even begin?
-As the king of the city, I propose we stop by Baskin Robbins first. King Jiwon, what do you think?
-I love the idea, King Hanbin, let's go.
It was nice to know that certain things couldn't be taken away from me. At one point or another, they might be hidden or forgotten, but they would always be there. Mine. Ours. That was how I felt about us.
I was always uncertain about what we were, but for this opportunity, I became assured of the bond we shared. Of course things got in our ways, we were both toughened up and torn down, we were both drunk in our own pleasure and despair, but never once did we get to the place where we must question ourselves, whether or not we were family to each other. We might be friends, we might be more than friends, we might at one point stop being more than friends, but at the end of the day, we were always brothers. And brothers don't bail out on one another ever so easily.

He was so close, yet so far, and I was left troubled with feelings I couldn't even name, let alone coping with. I was overjoyed, yet restless, as we paved our way through the thickest snow seen in Seoul in years.

We stopped at the third red light on our way to the ice cream shop when he quietly interlaced his fingers with mine, and without sparing me a look, absently mumbled,
-You miss those days just as much as I do, don't you?
I was at a loss of words. My tongue was tied, my thoughts were numbed. How was I supposed to tell him about the countless lonely nights I sat in front of the computer screen, furiously scribbling down nonsense about the fact that we were falling apart? How was I supposed to mention how I wished it had been me whom he asked to wake him up to finish a song in process? There was no way, absolutely no way, to tell him those things without sounding jealous, sappy, or miserable, that I ended up squeezing his hand instead.
I wasn't sure if he could understand what I meant to say, and I didn't dare hope that he would. I just wanted him to feel warm on a winter night, that's all.
-Why do you stop calling me up at midnight and asking me out to buy junk food at the convenience store?
He sounded mad. He seemed mad. Oh no, he was mad, ears all red and eyebrows all furrowed. He was trying to wriggle out of my touch. Should I let go, as always, or should I, for once, hold on to it?
-I knew you were busy.
-I am never too busy for you.
-Hanbin ah, let's at least be truthful to each other.
-You're only making up excuses!
I let out a breath I had no idea I was holding,
-You are happy without me, aren't you?
Silence.
-You did see my missed calls and were too preoccupied to call back?
I could feel his body stiffened beside me,
-Maybe twice. But only because I was really busy.
-Four times. And yes, I know you are. I have never thought of putting the blame on you.
I paused, finding the exact words for my thoughts.
-It is just too hard to admit that we have grown apart, isn't it?

Ice cream gives you brain freezes for sure, but have you ever tasted a bitter flavor of ice cream?
Because that night, on our silent walk home, I think we both did.

___
A/N: Give me a star for motivation or just tell me your thought, just about any thought, on this story, as long as you're not harsh, I'm open to criticism!