DCAbatman Part I: The Batman: The Dark Knight

Chapter II:Robin, the Boy Wonder

August 1, 2015

"ALFRED!!!" yelled Bruce to Alfred's ear.  Alfred sighs, as he is awoken from his bed. "What is it, Master Bruce?" "I finished it!" yelled Bruce. "Finished what?" asked Alfred. "The Project!" said Bruce, "I decided to finish the project early, so I used the 100 milllion on it." "Wait..." said Alfred, squeezing the area withing the eyebrows, closing his eyes, "You used your 100 million on THAT?!" "Why?" asked Bruce, "Are you mad?" Alfred sighs and says, "Why no, Master Bruce. You did splendidly..." "GREAT!!!" said Bruce, "Now come downstairs!!!" The two go to the bat cave. "You seem quite jumpy, sir. Did you take your Evening Meds last night?" asked Alfred. "Nope!" said Bruce. "Great!" said Alfred, "Now you'll have one of those mood swings again..." "SHUT THE F*CK UP ALFRE-..." said Bruce, but he stops and says, "I mean, yeah... You're.... You're right... Oh yeah! Here it is! I worked on it since last week!" He presses a button on his watch and shows a hologram, which he presses. Then a large circle from the ground turn into tiny cubes and retract, and from a giant hole Batmobile V.1 appears, in the shape of a 1955 Lincoln Futura. "That's a 1955 Lincoln Futura, but it's just a convertible-ish one... I mean there's a glass bullet proof roof that opens or whatever." said Alfred. "Ah!" said Bruce, "That's what you think, but it has..." Bruce presses another button, and the Batmobile opens with the doors moving upwards. "And!" said Bruce, pressing another button that triggers cup holders inside, "It has cup holders!" Alfred then shakes his head, "Why did it cause 100 Million Dollars from last year's telescope earnings?!" "It's fine... I'm a 10 Billion Dollar company, YEARL-!!!" "I know... but WHY DID YOU USE THAT MUCH MONEY?!" asked Alfred. "Oh yeah!" said Bruce, "I used it for the atomic missiles, Promethium Bombs, Kryptonium-based Computer AKA a billion-dollar super computer that I made with just three Million Dollars using the Kryptonium by just buying enough materials such as Titanium, but hey, life hacks,Batmanium that basically was used to stabilize the Promethium,  some kind of chemical, called... Velocity? I don't know... mixed with the Green stuff I found for eternal engine... and some of that Green stuff I mentioned that was found close to the Kryptonium metal... Oh! and Promethium Cup Holders and Wayneum-based cushions andair bag... Oh! Also a Smart Touchscreen TV. Preetty nice, huh? You like it? Well of course you do... Duh..." Alfred walks away, with a thumbs up being raised. "Time to test this baby out..." Bruce tries to drive it. He crashes the car into the wall.

August 8, 2015

"Good thing I forgot to install those bombs... But hey! Second time's a charm!" said Bruce, with Alfred now in the backseat. "I'm pretty sure that's not how they say that phrase..." he said. Bruce carefully drives the car. It is evening. He turns on camouflage and goes around the city. "I want Big Belly Burger..." said Bruce. "Sir, I believe you have to change the car's appearance for that..." said Alfred. Bruce waves his hands as a hologram appears before him. He presses another button and the invisible car becomes a red car, specifically a red 2006 Mazda, as it goes to the closest Big Belly Burger. He opens the window and speaks to the microphone. "Hello..." said Bruce, "I would like to have a Big Belly Jr. Kid's Meal with a Junior Salad, a free toy, don't forget the free toy, and a Big Belly Meal with extra gravy." Bruce takes the Big Belly Meal and gives the Kid's Meal to Alfred, taking the free toy as he drives away. As they eat, they decide to park the Batmobile as they turn off camouflage, and leaves it in an alley, as Bruce hears shots fired nearby. "Master Bruce, are we only here because of that 12-year-old in current ransom?" asked Alfred. Bruce ignores the question. "Stay here Alfred..." said Bruce, changing to his costume, "Don't come back until I return... Got that? Alfred?" Bruce looks beside him, and he is fast asleep. Bruce then jumps out of the car and closes the roof. He then runs to the area where the criminals are. The criminals are in a warehouse, they have kidnapped a twelve-year-old girl, as she is tied to a chair in an isolated room with 15 men at the door and a man next to her. "Boss...." said one man, "Someone's in the warehouse!" The 16 masked men outside prepare their guns. Suddenly, one of the men at the back straight up shoots the other 10 other men in their legs, throwing some sort of device two 13 different guns, as he guns explode, rendering them completely useless as the men scream helplessly. The man presses a button on his watch and turns his mask back as the Batman. Five men are left standing as they attack the Batman. Batman flips and jumps on the man's shoulders, dislocating them. He then goes to the two other men as they throw punches at him, in which he blocks all those attacks and swipes his leg by their feet. He then goes on to break the two men's legs. The last two men, as the fight occurs, decide to find the last two guns that weren't destroyed. They find the two guns and shoot at him, as the Batman turns on his Promethium armor and dodges the shots, as he grabs both of the men's faces and throws their heads to the ground, nearly killing them as their skulls break. One of the men limp towards Batman. Batman then punches him, but he blocks. Batman throws several punches, spins and kicks at the man, as the man blocks it all. Bruce, annoyed, retreats farther, as the man charges, he then throws a bat-shaped shiruken into his shoulder, jumps and kicks the shiruken as it squeezes in his bones as the man screams in terror. "Who the f-f*ck are you?" asked the man after the Batman grabs him by his clothes. He then goes on to say,  "I'm the Goddamned Batman." he said, lighting a match and burning his crotch. He then goes on to light 14 other matches and says, "One for you, one for you, and one for you..." as he lights each of their crotches as they scream helplessly. He then waits for a minute or two and takes some kind of liquid from his utility belt and pours it all over the 15 men, as their crotches stop burning. Electricity starts to burst out of his suit, therefore he turns off the Promethium Armor. "And kids, that's why using guns is wrong..." whispered Bruce, "In hind sight that doesn't make sense, but I'm just going to roll with it..." He then hears screaming in the room behind him. He then enters it and sees a 5.9 foot man with a mustache with a fade cut and a beardwearing brown sun glasses holding up a gun to a little girl. "Oh my God..." said Bruce, "Robert Downey Jr.???" "Excuse me?" asked the man. "Oh no... Mr. Downey... Why??! Why the hell did you do this to yourself..." asked Bruce, "I though you changed since you became Iron Man, but this... After the Ultron movie!" "I'm not, Robert Downey Jr." said the man. "DON'T LIE TO ME!!!" he yelled, gargling. "Dude... the only thing I have in common with Robert Downey Jr. is that we both hate the Human Bat Guy... which is you..." "F*CK YOU!!!" said Bruce, "I SENT HIM A MESSAGE LAST NIGHT AND HE RESPONDED!!!" "What did he say?" asked the Robert Downey Jr. looking man. "He said F*ck off... That's some straight up friend zone language right there..." said Bruce. "Do you even know what friend zone is?" asked the man, "Besides, I hate Marvel." "Go f*ck yourself..." said Bruce, still gargling his voice, "I mean, the only characters I respect in that Comic Book Industry is Iron Man, Spiderman, Daredevil, and Wolverine... But that's it..." "Besides... You're a ripoff of Iron Man!" said the man. "N-no I'm not..." said Bruce. "Yes you are! Gadgets, probably rich, a douchebag." "NO I'M NOT!!!" said Bruce, "I am very, very poor for your information." "Sure you are." said the man, "With your fancy gadgets and gun destabilizers." "Ya kno' dat da fact dat you'r blemin' and argiuwin' at ich utha is gunna rilly suk cuz dis is borin' mi breins owt ya kno'? Yu betta jus agree tu disagree and jus shut da hel up wit yur dawdlin' reyt now, ya?" said the girl with the gun pointed at her. The two gentlemen pause, confused with what the fast talking Irish girl just said. The man looks at the girl and says, "The f*ck?" as Batman pushes him off the window, falling two-stories down. "ROBERT DOWNEY JR.!!!" yelled Batman, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" "I'm okay!" yelled the man, cracking his voice. "Great!" said Batman, "HOPE YOU WIN IN THE CIVIL WAR!!!""Sure..." said the man as Batman saves the young girl. "Dat's gotta hurt mate. I ken't belive that he survived da fall, int it, ya?" "Shut up." said Bruce, carrying the girl, "I don't speak Irish."