DCAbatman Part I: The Batman: The Dark Knight

Chapter VII: The "Avengers"

January 8, 2016

Bruce, opens the fridge and takes out some beer. Suddenly, a shadowy figure of a young woman appears from the dark. "'I'm The Goddamned Batman'. You think you're the only superhero in the world? Mr. Wayne, you've become part of a bigger universe, you just don't know it yet." said the woman. "Stop copying Nick Fury and show yourself, bitch." he said, "Also I'm not Batman. Can't prove anything." The woman comes out from the shadow, saying, "Come on, man! I tried hard for that! I'm Amanda Waller, Director of Strategic Enforcement Agency League." "What is that, S.E.A.L.?" he asked. "Yes, precisely." she said. "So, black lady in a leather coat with an eye patch, the Director of S.E.A.L. comes to the world's most powerful man? RIP-OFF!!!!" he yelled. "Believe me, Mr. Wayne." she said, walking towards him, "Marvel ripped this world off." "Yeah... well this world rips off Marvel as well..." he said, as he opens a beer can and tries to drink it, as she then takes out her gun and shoots the can. He then opens the fridge and takes out another. She also shoots it. He then takes out the fridge and takes out another. She shoots it again. "It's a Friday night and I just slept with twelve women from my office. Can you please let me drink?" he asked. "I'm here to talk to you about the Retaliators Intia-...." "Sweet Jes-... RIP-OFF!!!" he yelled again, he then starts doings squats. "Look...There will be an attack tomorrow.... Aliens." she said, "And we're trying to find people powerful and skilled enough to defend us." "Where at?" asked Bruce, now doing some lunges, facing the other way. "Metropolis." she said, "Now... we need you to go on and beat these creatures... Some guy's coming... Name's... Steppenwolf? Whatever... We just need you to-.. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!" "Exercising, 'cuz you're boring and I'm not Batman." she said. She then shows a hologram of him dressing as the Batman in the cave. "Come on... Don't worry. Only I know about this..." she said. "Doesn't prove nothing, mate..." he said. "Look, I know you don't really act like that." she said. "Yuh-huh this is the real me." he said. "I know that you're just doing that as a coping mechanism or at least a way to disguise the fact that you're mad. You're insane. A man with a grudge. A man with a wild obsession. A monster, who, in the end, is just an eight-year-old boy calling for his father in the alley." she said, as Bruce stops lunging and turns around to face her. He slowly stepped towards her. She starts walking back as she reaches for her gun. "You want to meet the real me?" he asked, as her back reaches the wall, "Okay. You're looking at him." She quickdraws and shoots at him, as he dodges, spins and tosses a batarang, catching her by her sleeve. "L-look... I know you don't kill people." she said. "One rule, yes." he said. "Does that include feminism as a thing?" she asked. "I'm not one of those idiots. If a woman were to hit me, I'll hit them back, harder, just like a man. No difference. People are all the same... and everyone's an idiot." he said, walking closer, "Now... Secret Agent... I heard your Agency doesn't give a shit about their members, not even their leaders... Got any family? I doubt it! Probably cut all ties from you. What makes you think that they'd remember you after I finish what I'd do to you?" "Kill me and the whole Government will destroy you!" she said. "I'm more powerful than Vladimir Putin." he said, as the Batarang creates some sort of device that cuffs her hands and legs to the wall, "I'm also The Goddamned Batman. What makes you think that you can arrest me?" "The clip..." she said. "You mean, this one?" he asked, holding the watch she used for the hologram. He smiles saying, "I'm just messing with you! Here." He returns the watch. "Fine... I'll join your little boy band." he said, removing the Batarang as the high-tech cuffs disintegrate while he walks away, "I require drinks in the trip. Didn't get to drink tonight. Your fault. Now get the hell out of my house."

January 9, 2016

"Zack Snyder... Edge Lord of Hollywood. Creator of Edgy MCU. Wrecker of your Most Beloved Characters. Bitch please... I'm way more edgier than his version of Ninjak... DAMN YOU SNYDER FOR RUINING BEN AFFLECK!!!" said Bruce having an iPod and headphones as he listens to music, "Holy shit this is such a terrible book!" "What book?" asked Jason, "Wow! The Greatest Heroes of the world... and I'm part of it!" "There are no such thing as true heroes, Robin." he said, "Don't get your hopes up." The two are in a large room like a huge living room from The Incredibles 2, in some sort of large helicarrier with 6 other people, all wearing their individual costumes. "By the way... Is this a *hiccup* Helicarrier?" asked Bruce, "RIP OFF!!!!" The eight all sit down quietly as Bruce keeps on drinking some sort of substance from a bottle. Suddenly, a hologram appears before them. "Batman. The Dark Knight. The Third Deadliest Man of the World. A madman with a wild obsession to destroy evil everywhere. Robin. Though seemingly useless, has the purpose to keep The Batman tamed. The Tick. A strange warrior with superhuman strength. Apparently he's called the Tick because he thinks it sounds cool. Legally insane. No one knows his true origin however, as his costume is stuck to his body. Impervious to anything and super strong. The Question, the man full of questions. A man obsessed with finding some sort of meaning. To know more about the world he does not understand. Blue Beetle. Guy found Scarab Beetle stone from Archaeological Site. Became... this weird superhero. The Shield. Once a comic artist back in the 1940's, and becomes experimented by the government and becomes a super soldier to aid the Americans against the Nazis. His father was the original donor, then his mother if he had complications. For some reason both died in a car accident. Frozen for years in ice in the North Pole. Unfrozen back in 2010. The Four Armed Terror. Hulk basically, but with four arms! Destroyed a city once." she said, showing a footage of him blasting away a city,  "The Hood. I call him the Hood. An assassin I found in an island one time and saved him from these strange Assassins in some sort of League of a Shadow Nation." she said, as Bruce coughs, "Deathstroke, oh he and The Mask are absent. Anyways... the eight of you, must go to the now evacuated city of Metropolis and defeat the Parademons in the area. What are Parademons? We have no idea. But we do know that they could fly and they are ugly. Also... they're all undead animal-like extraterrestrials. They have no minds nor souls, if souls do exist. Feel free to kill them. Now, basically just go there, kill everyone, and close that weird portal in the sky."