Isa's Star

betty

I think for every person there is a photo that represents who they are. Represents everything they are, everything they value and everything they have to give to the world. They had that photo up at her funeral. She was laughing, her blue eyes glinting, her hair long, wavy and golden in the sunlight. I think it was when we were in Greece maybe last year. It could easily be me in that photo.

They never found her body. I can't even think about how far she got. About how she suffered. I didn't think she'd want to have an empty coffin buried so instead we are placing a plaque on her favourite rock on the beach. I know it's stupid but she loved that rock, especially as a kid. She always climbed onto it to sit and eat her picnic or watch the waves. So yeah, plaque on a rock.

I am sitting in between Elle and Ali, Sean on Ali's right. We sit close together even though we have to whole bench to ourselves. I have to keep gulping to contain my sobs. I am doing everything I can to continue crying daintily, tears falling down my cheeks whenever I blink. I don't wipe them away. Why should I? My parents are in the row next to us, sniffling along with other family members. I'm proud of them for holding back. Maybe they're just cried out. I know I am.

I shiver in my knee length yellow dress. I knew she'd want it outside. I also knew she wouldn't want everyone in black. The left front row seems like a rainbow in a sea of clouds, Elle in red, me in yellow, Ali in green, Sean in navy jeans and a purple t-shirt and the rest of the world in black. I can't help noticing how Elle's crimson dress hangs off her body. She looks effortlessly beautiful still, with her dark hair loose and shiny, falling down just past her collarbone. I can't hope to ever look that stunning. The most I can do is 'pretty'. I think I do look pretty today though. My hair is wavy and pinned back at the front with a bobby pin. I was going to put more effort in but I decided to let it just fall to my waist. That was Isa's signature style. I put on a tiny bit of mascara but it's barely noticeable. Waterproof mascara I hasten to add.

Elle nudges me, wiping her eyes and I blink allowing a few more tears to drip down my face. Uh oh. It's time. I nod at her and stand, squeezing past her legs and making my way up the middle, not making eye contact with anyone. My white converse sink into the sand as I make my way past staring faces. There are loads of people from my school crowded onto benches. They all knew Isa. Not as well as we did of course but they knew her. Everyone knew her. At the front I force myself to turn and stare straight ahead.

Come on Betty, just like we practiced.

My reassurance isn't very reassuring because every time I practiced I ended up in floods of tears. I take a quick breath and look to our bench. Elle has shuffled up and is leaning on Ali's shoulder. I close my eyes then open the, again and begin.

"Isa was my best friend. She always was and she always will be. No matter where we both are I will always love her."

Good start, Betty, just keep going, don't think.

"I will love her smile, her laughter, her silly jokes. She had my face, my eyes, my hair and most of all, she had my heart. But she was gentle with it. Unlike my iPad and my robot dog." This earns a few, halfhearted chuckles.

"She always took my stuff, she took ages in the shower and she wore my clothes and makeup without asking. But now my books spines will never break again, I can always shower for as long as I like, my clothes and makeup are unused in my cupboard. But I would trade all those things for my sister." My voice cracks at the end of this sentence but I force myself to continue. I can almost feel Isa inside me.

"She was the best person, the best friend and the best twin. I miss her more than I can put into words."

I can't stop the tears now. I cover my face and hunch over, building up the strength to make my way back to my seat. Before I can I feel a strong hand on my shoulder. It's Ali.

"She was my favourite person. I loved her almost as much as Betty and I'm so proud of her for coming up here and talking about her."

Elle takes my other shoulder.

"She helped me. All the time. With homework and life in general. I looked up to her so much."

Sean comes behind me and squeezes my hand.

"She was the best girlfriend I could've asked for and I wouldn't trade my memories of her for the world. We all feel so lucky to have known her and I will never forget her smile."

This seems like a good place to stop so we make our way back to our bench together. Ali keeps her hand on my shoulder as we make our way back to our seats. The rest of whatever's going on happens quickly and then we go to place the plaque. We are all holding a shell to place on the rock. Mine is one that Isa picked up on the beach last year. It's smooth and shiny, cream coloured. It's the perfect shell shape. She thought it was pretty. I thought it looked like all the other shells on the beach but I didn't tell her. It lay on her side of our bedside table for the whole year but I couldn't bear to look at it. Now it will always remind me of her.

Sean holds an empty mussel shell that he said looked a bit like her eyes. To be honest I can't really see the resemblance but I let him believe that. Elle and Ali both have quite normal shells, pale and fragile.

The plaque is drilled in and we go up together to arrange the shells in a tiny circle. I smile slightly. I know she would've liked this. I chose what it said on the plaque so I didn't put her full name. Just the one she chose for herself. The plaque reads,

friend, daughter, sister,
she was loved by all who knew her,
you will be missed,
Isa

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A.N - Thanks for reading the first chapter! If you haven't already read Finding Isa then I would recommend reading that first but you're here now so yeah! ❤️