Nightmare ✔

Warmness On The Soul

Here's the first chapter. You guys know the drill. Read, Comment, Vote. It's all very much appreciated.

Edited: 5/14/2014

It was just another day for me. It had been like this for a week now. What do you mean, you ask. Well I've been dead for a week. I know. Pleasant right... Wrong. For the past week I've watched my fiancé cry over me. Watched my best friends grieve and push past their own emotion to help him. It wasn't fair. I wanted to help him. I've spent countless of hours yelling, and screaming, just hoping that I could get his attention somehow. Nevertheless, he can't hear me and I'm slowly loosing my mind because of it. I'm a ghost for gods sake, not talking to anyone at all, or having them respond, kind of messes with what sanity I had.

"Dude, I don't know what we can do. I haven't seen him like this since Jimmy died and that was bad enough. This is a whole other spectrum." Matt was talking on the phone with Jason Berry. JB and MB were my loving cousins.

That was how the boys and I had been introduced. I had fallen for Brian instantaneously it had seemed. Unfortunately for me, at  that time he was still with Michelle.

"We have to do something Shadz. We all miss her equally. For fucks sake, she was my cousin. We can't lose him with us being in the middle of a tour. I know that shit makes me sound heartless, but it's facts. Kat really wouldn't want him to be like this." Jason replied. Damn right I don't want him to be like this. It's been a week though. All the guys had been grieving over it. They were all affected, Brian just wasn't dealing as well as they'd had hoped.

Understatement of the year, ladies and gentlemen.

"I know this. Fuck yeah this makes you seem heartless, but your right. We are on tour. We can't lose him. I'm gonna call Larry and ask for some time off. The we can all head back to Huntington for the funeral." Matt looked tired as he rubbed his eyes.

"Yeah, I feel ya. How much time are we looking at?"

"I don't know dude. A month? This shit will take time to get over. We're all upset. Look at Val. Every time I've talked to her on the phone she's been crying. I need to be there for her."

"I hear ya man. Look I gotta go. Call Larry up and tell him."

"Yeah okay. See ya later dude." Matt hung up his phone and rubbed his face.

This had taken it's toll on all the guys. I'd been with them for six very long years. Been through a ton of shit with them. We all shared a certain type of bond. So looking at Matt now and seeing him upset was as bad as when I stayed with him after Jimmy passed. I went and sat down beside him. I reached out to touch him. It was pointless. My hand would just pass right through him like I wasn't even there.

Like I was dead.

"Matty. Everything is gonna get better." I promised him. My eyes filled with tears. They would never fall again and be caught by my 'brother.' I watched as Matt pressed his palms into his eyes. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was crying. His shoulders shook lightly. I wrung my hands out as a feeling of helplessness washed over me. It was quite a sight to see a man his size, covered in tattoos, cry.

"Why'd you have to leave us to Kat?" Matt spoke as if I wasn't there. To him, I wasn't.

"I didn't want to Matt. I'm just so sorry that Val had to be there to see it. I wish I could change it. Change it to where we'd never even gone out that day." I whispered.

A week ago, Val and I had been out shopping for my wedding dress. We were eating lunch at some little bistro in Hollywood when these guys had gotten out of a van about a block away and came inside wearing masks. When they had entered through the front, they'd immediately started shooting anything and everything in their path. They shot 15 people in there. 6 of them died, including me. Val was in the restroom at the time. You can't imagine how thankful I am for that. After the guys had left with the money or whatever they came for, if they'd come for anything...

Val had come rushing out of the restroom with the police on the phone. I was still alive when she found me lying on the ground in a pool of my own blood. I had been crying.

'Val! Promise me something.' I had told her, my voice coming out barely above a whisper. She was crying by now, yelling at me to keep my eyes open. 'Val please, listen.' She'd stopped yelling. 'Tell the guys I'm sorry. Tell them I love them. Tell Brian that I love him.'

'I won't have to cause you're gonna make it Katherine Maria Mayfield! Do you understand me!?' She shouted.

'I'm sorry you had to see me like this Vally. I love you.' Those were the last words I'd ever spoken alive and breathing. Val had sat there crying over me for 15 minutes until the police and paramedics had shown up. When they took me away on the stretcher Michelle and Gena had arrived and were crying along with Val. It was at that point that I realized I was standing right next to them. Immediately I had tried to get their attention. As you can imagine, nothing worked. It had been pointless.

I sighed as I felt that familiar tug and pull sensation in my stomach. I had no idea what it meant. It made me uncomfortable. It frustrated me because I knew that whatever it was, it was important; but I didn't know how. I would hopefully find out eventually.

I glanced back over at Matt. "It feels like you're in the room Kat."

I grinned and jumped up and began shouting, "Matthew Charles Sanders. You brilliant fool. I'm right in front of you. I'm right here." I waved my arms around frantically. He didn't even flinch. I felt my mood plummet. "I'm right here." I whispered.

Matt stood and left the room. I plopped right back down on the couch. I sighed.

Why am I still here? Why didn't I move on? I thought you did that when you died. Not stay here. Is this all death is. Loneliness for eternity. Maybe I wasn't meant to go to Heaven and as punishment God left me here to walk around for all of eternity. He couldn't have picked a better punishment if that was the case.

A part of me knew that wasn't it. I was here for a reason. What that reason is... I hope I figured it out eventually.