Torn

The Return

For the longest time I didn't know how to approach him, I just knew that I had to and time was running short. We had been high school sweethearts, but he had dreams of not really following in his father's footsteps but being better than his father and I wanted more than living in one place. There's so much going on the world and I wanted to do something to help improve things, I was definitely on the path.

But then there was our last night together, it was a few days after prom which until then had been one of the best nights of my life, he had begged me to stay and we could be together. But I told him I felt the need to help make the world a better place, or at least try. Then something happened, all of our passions for each other played out and in the morning I still left with his kiss still on my lips.

Then one night in my freshman year of college, I thought I was getting the flu. But then it just never went away, so I went to the doctor. Who after some tests, told me that I was pregnant. I didn't want to tell Kelly because I knew he would use it as an excuse to get me to stay, but I also couldn't live with myself if I got rid of it when the doctor told me it would be born healthy.

So I talked to my parents, they had known my plans for school and law school and they didn't want me to give that up. So they had agreed to take the baby after it was born, which turned out to be a girl, that I named Aviana Jennifer Meyers. But my parents are getting too old to care for her and I'm taking custody of her, my only problem is that she's been asking about her birth father and I can't hide them from each other forever. She's thirteen now and has told me in no uncertain term, that if I don't put her into contact with him, she will find him herself.

So here I am sitting outside of his firehouse which wasn't hard to find because I knew he'd do good, it was now or never. I bucked up the courage and got out of my car and walked up behind him.

"Kelly, it's me" I said coming up behind him.

"Oh my god, Tahlia. What are you doing here?" he said hugging me.

"Nothing, I was just in town and I haven't seen you in a while. Thought I'd look you up" I said.

"How long are you in town for?" he asked, still smiling at me.

"Um a while, my parents are kind of getting old. They're going into an old folks home against my wishes, so I'm just getting their stuff in order" I said.

"Could you meet me at a bar tomorrow night?" he asked.

"There's something I actually needed to talk to you about, it's kind of big, kind of important" I said, butterflies in my stomach.

"Ok, what is it?" he asked.

"Not right now, can we have dinner when you get off shift?" I asked.

"Yeah sure" he said.

I gave him my card and on the back I had written information to a restaurant. Now to go home and tell my daughter I chickened out in telling her father about her.

"Did you see him?" she asked enthusiastically when I came back to the apartment I had rented when I got back to town.

"Yes, I saw him and I'm going to have dinner with tomorrow night and tell him everything" I said.

"You're killing me" she said going back to her room.

All I could think about was one of the last moments Kelly and I were together, we had been pretty inseparable at that point, I had just learned that I was accepted into the law program that I had been gunning for and Kelly had been trying to talk me out of leaving.

"Come on Tahlia, you don't know anybody on the East Coast. You'll get lonely" he said.

We had been at the school as the last day came closer and I was taking one final look upon the city I was leaving behind, he was sitting on the floor overlooking the large window. I sat in his lap.

"You could come with me" I said looking in his blue eyes, they were more vibrant than my dull brown ones.

He sat there for a minute just looking at me, then he pulled me into a kiss. Every time he kissed me like this my whole body tingled and I couldn't help but just wanting every piece of him, I knew he was doing this on purpose though and so I pulled away.

"Trying to use your body to stop me?" I asked.

"Isn't it working?" he said with a sly smile on his face.

"Almost" I said.

"You're seriously just the most beautiful person I've ever seen and I can't believe you're with me sometimes, I just can't help myself" he said pushing a hair behind my ear.

It had been the week after prom and just before graduation, looking back on it now it was in the timeframe that I became pregnant. I wondered if I had been pregnant right then.

I remembered how upset I was when Kelly and I had broken up, I was devastated but I knew it was coming because neither of us were willing to give up on our dreams for the other. The break up was inevitable, but that didn't make it any easier. I had been so broken that I wondered many times if I should just go to school in Chicago to be closer to him, but somehow I had gotten the resolve to continue on the east coast. I can't tell you how many times though I'd almost given in and came back, my parents had encouraged me to continue with my education.

Before I knew it, it was time to meet Kelly for dinner and I couldn't be more nervous.

"So what do you have to tell me, it's been killing me" he said as soon as he sat down.

"Do you remember basically the months leading up my leaving for school?" I asked.

"How could I forget, it was a memorable time for me" he said.

"Well I'm just going to get it out there, I found out a couple months after I left that I was pregnant and my parents had agreed to take the baby once it was born so I could finish college. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you using as an excuse to get me to stay, but my parents are getting too old to care for her and that's why I came back" I said in almost one breath.

"How could I have a child and you don't tell me Tahlia?!" he said getting angry.

"I'm sorry, it's completely selfish I know but I made the decision when I was eighteen and if I could go back I would change things. But this is where we're at" I said.

He just sat there for a minute looking around.

"So it was a girl, what's her name?" he asked.

"Aviana Jennifer Meyers, she's actually the reason I'm here. She's been wanting to meet you" I said.

"My mother would be happy that you put her name in there, can I meet her?" he asked.

"That's why I choose it, and yes that's why I'm here. I mean I wasn't part of her life for a long time and so I'm trying to make up for it, again I'm sorry for keeping it from you" I said.

"It's ok, I remember how you were back then and I wouldn't want to come between you and your dreams. I've been watching you, you've done a lot of good" he said.

"Thanks, I've watched you too and I knew with your determination that you would do good. You just wanted to be a better firefighter than your father, and you are. How's your mother?" I said.

"She's good, she's going to want to meet Aviana" he said.

"I know, so does tomorrow work for you?" I asked.

"Yeah" he said. "You're still so beautiful" he said.

We made plans to meet at a park, and parted ways. I don't know why but it felt like I had been through war, I hadn't realized how tense I had been about this dinner. Aviana was excited when I told her he wants to meet her, the next day I was so nervous as we got ready to leave. Then Aviana asked if I thought he would like her and suddenly all my worries about myself weren't so important.

"Don't worry little one, he's going to love you" I said.

"But what if he doesn't" she asked suddenly looking like she regretted pushing this issue.

"Don't worry, I already showed him a picture of you and told him all last night how amazing you are. Don't worry." I said.