Torn

The Dilemma-Severide

I had never expected to see Tahlia again in person, when we were young she had been adamant about making her own way in life before she even thought about attaching her to anyone, at least that's how she put it. So when she showed up again, I was stunned to see her because she had been beautiful when we were in high school but now she was just beyond any of that.

What I had with her, I had tried to find in so many other women and some of them had the same traits she did, but they were watered down versions that in the morning just never compared. But after everything with Anna and Shay, I was more than ready to try a relationship and I thought I could easily have that with Stella. I mean to me she seemed like someone I could actually see myself with forever if I couldn't be with Tahlia.

I had never told anyone about my relationship with Tahlia because I didn't want it used against me every time a relationship didn't work and I knew that if Stella knew, then I would never live it down. I myself tried to keep Tahlia out of my mind, so much so apparently that seeing her again was like taking a breath again.

I mean when I turned around and saw her with her hair blowing in the wind and the sun hitting her face just right, I had to stop myself from just holding on never letting go. Suddenly memories flooded and I remembered nights spent watching hockey together and her rooting for the other team no matter who was just to bust my balls, then the nights we skipped dances just to spend time together. I still remember her kiss on my lips and loving how her body just seemed to be molded to fit mine, my favorite times were when she sat in my lap and we'd just talk for hours on end about everything we wanted to do.

Of course those times were soured when she told me one night that she had been accepted to Yale, I knew she was smart but she hadn't even told me that she had applied. I asked her what that meant for us and she told me that she loved me, but she had to do this for herself. I asked her if it meant we were over and she told me that there might be hope for us, if she was able to accomplish everything that she had wanted to before it was too late.

I even remember the night that Ava might've been conceived, it wasn't planned by either of us. I mean I was just going to say goodbye for the final time and before either of us knew it, we were in bed and it had definitely been the most passionate night of both of our lives. We were each other's firsts and that carried a lot of meaning apparently, I thought I had found an alright partner in Stella. But being with Tahlia again, reminded just what I was looking for and Stella just couldn't compete with that kind of chemistry. But I couldn't just break it off now, not after I just slept with Tahlia.

Then there was getting to know my daughter and accepting the fact that I have a daughter. I still haven't told anyone about her or Tahlia, Stella just thought I was meeting an old academy buddy.

"Hey Severide, you ok?" I heard someone say.

I had completely forgotten I was on shift, which just tells me that I need to stop thinking about anything other than firehouse stuff.

"Yeah I'm fine" I said getting up from squad table and going outside.

"You ok, you seem pretty distracted" Casey said as he oversaw truck 81 being cleaned and prepped.

"Let's go have a cigar" I said holding a couple up.

Up there I finally told someone else about everything, I put it all out there. Casey understandably looked stunned.

"What do I do?" I asked.

"You slept with this woman?" he asked.

"Yeah but the thing is that we have a past, I've spent my life up until now trying to find the same thing I had with her" I said.