Snowmelt

III

I wake up slowly, not quite realizing I'm awake. I look around for a second, trying to figure out where I am. Right as I remember, I hear a crash from the trees in front of my den's entrance. I launch myself upright, blood laced with adrenaline pumping through my veins. 

I have to get out of here.

I glance around my den, and besides the dent in the leaves and the scent of me, there's little to no sign I was ever there. I nod once to myself, then moving my ears and sniff the air, trying to figure out what had caused the sound, but to no avail. Since I don't know the threat, and even less so if I could take it on, I run. I don't realize where I'd been running to until I got there. The Firetrail clearing. Or at least, that was how I had come to think of it. And it will probably stay that way...

I turn around, preparing to leave when I hear a voice ring through the cool, crisp morning air.

"Leaving so soon? You just got here." the unfamiliar voice asks. I look over my shoulder at the pale brown wolf standing in the shadow of a cluster of maples. 

"Indeed I am." I reply as I go back to where I was, making sure to keep my voice as calm as possible, but also that it says sharp, cold, unflinching, just to make the point of "this is my opinion and it is never going to change." 

"Oh really? I thought you might have had an answer for me, Snow."

Unlike the last voice, I recognize this one immediately. Firetrail.

"Oh, so now we've gone from full names to nicknames? Is that how this is going to be, then?" I reply, curling my lip humorously. 

"Alpha! I didn't hear you coming! You know this... this... rogue?!" I hear the brown wolf exclaim. I turn, only to see said wolf staring, baffled, at Firetrail.

He nods once before answering.

"Of course I do. Otherwise, she'd be long gone, wouldn't she?" I hear his Alpha voice surface for a moment and turn in time to see the impact on the other wolf's behavior. The brown wolf drops her gaze, tucking her tail between her legs as she submits to her Alpha's dominance. I watch, transfixed, as the submissive wolf begins to grovel at the foot of her Alpha, thudding to the ground, then rolling over and twisting her head to expose her neck and stomach. All of these things happen within seconds of the shift in tone.

How does he have so much power over his pack? Is it respect? Or fear?  Or some strange mix of the two?

Almost as though he could hear my thoughts, he snaps at the wolf. "Stop groveling! Get up and go back to what you were supposed to be doing, Paleleaf. Which was what again?" 

The wolf -Paleleaf- jumps up, as though excited at the prospect. "I was getting bedding for the dens, Alpha. I'll get right on that!" She squeaks, as though trying to seem ecstatic while, in actuality, being terrified. Maybe she was just really happy to get away... 

My brain mutters to itself, knowing that suspicion amounts to nothing but distrust. But it isn't like I trust him in the first place, so what'll a little suspicion hinder? Nothing, I guess...  part of my brain, the rogue part, whispers. It has a hard, cold voice, as though time had soured it, cutting off any belief in other creatures, leaving only the dust of what may have once been the ability to trust, happiness, and possibly even slight extroversion. But maybe you'll grow to trust him... Maybe you'll become friends... another part of my brain murmurs. Its voice is warm, trusting and loving. It is the epiphany of everything the rogue part wasn't. 

You used to only have one of these guys living up there... What happened to you?  Oh, right... I shiver and feel my hackles rise slightly before I flatten them once more. This is why I don't think about the past...

"So, do you have an answer for me? Are you going to join or not? Or were you simply unable to resist the possibility of seeing me?" He smirks, infuriatingly sure of himself. 

"Yeah, I've got your answer," I say, testing the edge to my voice, making sure it doesn't shake. I hear the word in my head, repeating as though on a loop. No. No. No. No. I don't want to join your stupid pack. I'm alone, and that's how I want it to stay. I like being on my own, not needing to worry about anyone else. I hate having to lug around dead weight. I hate having to take care of anyone but myself with no more reason than "I live with you". I hate other wolves, even the thought of them.

"Yes." I hear the words come out of my muzzles, feel my lips and jaw move, but the word doesn't register. Yes.