Find My Way Home [m×m; mpreg]

twenty two

The silence is strained and filled with tension as my dad sits beside the bed. He's still stewing in his anger and I can't blame him. That doesn't mean I know how to handle it.

The tension gets so thick it could be cut through with a knife.  It's almost suffocating.

And I'm on edge until, he finally speaks, "You want to tell me what happened? Why you thought this was a good idea? Why you never once thought to confide in Matthias or me? Or should I just take a wild guess?"

My voice grows high and small as I apologize.

"For what exactly?" He asks, eyes narrowed.

I gulp, "everything?"

"So, you're admitting the baby is something to apologize for? A mistake? An accident"

I stare wide eyed at how blunt his words are and my hand immediately comes down to protectively cover my belly.

Thinking about it like that makes my blood boil. I don't know Ian's thoughts, but I know my own. And as much as it hurt, that night with Ian was not a mistake. Not for me. Thus, my baby will never be a mistake or an accident. My baby is mine. Simple.

And he must realize the anger rolling over my tensed body because he raises a brow expectantly.

"I'm sorry, for lying and tricking you. I'm sorry for believing I was alone, for never... never telling you what I was going through. That was my only mistake. But my baby isn't one."

"Then why?"

I hesitate.

It's now or never, right?

"I-I knew I liked boys, but I also knew I wouldn't have kids that were my own if I were ever in a relationship. I really thought about it.  I thought about what it would be like to have something like what you share with mom.  And I liked what I saw, what I envisioned.  I wanted that.  I wanted the chance to have my own family, like you.  So, I asked my godmother for the surgery. She agreed to do it as a gift of sorts, so long as I got your permission."

"And about that?"

"I lied to mom," I 'fess up, "told him it was for a school trip. He was reluctant when I told him it would be about a three day 'trip'. But I managed to convince him."

If possible he's even angrier than before.

"Do you even know how he feels right now? You lied to him, used and tricked him!"

"I know! I'm sorry about that too!"

"What about the father?" He demands, looking at my hand where it rests.

I look down as well and blow out a deep breath, "can we not talk about that?"

"After everything you still want to keep secrets?"

"It's not a secret," I deny, "just... I love him. But I don't think he loves me, not really."

"So he was one of those dicks that used the 'I love you' card to get you into bed?"

"No! He told me he loved me afterwards, but he lied to me in a really ugly and fucked up way."

"Language, Morgan."

I blush at that, I've never been one to curse in front of my parents and it kind of slipped, but I continue nonetheless, "it's just hard to believe he ever really loved me."

"He deserves to know, regardless of how much of a jackass he is."

"I'm scared of what will happen if he does know."

"What do you mean?"

"What if he decides to take my baby away?" I wonder.

"And what if we decide to press charges for statutory rape?" My dad counters.

"What?" I squeak panicky.

"I'm old, Morgan, not stupid. If you have even an inkling that he could be capable of taking your child away, then be must be older than you and stable enough to take care of a child. Do I have to remind you that you're barely 17? Or should your mother?"

My heart starts racing and I start hyperventilating.

No.

Ian hurt me, but I would never, could never, do that to him. Deep down I know Ian would never even consider taking our baby from me, but... I can't.

"Hey, whoa, okay Morgan, breathe sweetheart."

"You can't," I choke out, "You can't, please tell me you won't. Oh my god, please."

"Easy, Morgan. You have to breathe, com'on."

"Dad! You can't," I stress through my tears.

"Okay!" He relents when he realizes how serious and very real my panic attack is.

But it doesn't help, I whine pitifully as his name dies in my throat. I want to call out to him, ask for him. I want Ian despite how much he hurt me. But now the fear is there, the fear of losing him completely and I can't. They can't.

"You can't hurt him," I whimper.

"Despite how much he hurt you?"

"Please," I beg.

My dad gives me a tight hug and I melt into it.

He's like a pillar that holds me up

"You need to relax, stressing like this isn't good for you or the baby."

A beat later, "And I won't, so long as he stops hurting you. But I stand by my word, Morgan. Tell him and if things go from bad to worse, there's always that option."

"I couldn't do that to him," I mumble, completely drained.

"But I could, and I could do so much worse."

"But you won't, right?"

He agrees with a sigh, "but I won't, not unless you tell me to."

I look at him briefly and I wonder what he would do when he realizes Ian is the father of my baby. When he realizes both his sons are dirty and corrupt.