Find My Way Home [m×m; mpreg]

thirty four

Jae comes over unexpectedly nearly a month later, his knocking sounding almost urgent.  I open it without a thought and we're face to face.  He's slightly out of breath with a rose in his hand, outstretched toward me.  I haven't seen him in weeks, keeping my distance as Ian told me, but I stare at the flower in surprise and my fingers reach out.  I barely graze the soft petals when he steps closer, until his lips brush against mine.

I reel back, running on instinct as I push him away and wipe the kiss from my lips, exclaiming in shock, "what the hell!"

Jae looks a bit sheepish with a small smile and a nonchalant shrug as if he didn't just steal a kiss without my consent.  I find nothing amusing with what he just did.  He notices.

"Sorry, I just thought I'd..." he pauses, gathers his thoughts and confesses, "I like you, Morgan.  I've gotten to know you and it's more than simple like.  I'm falling for you, crushing so hard on you and I think I lov-"

"I'm sorry," I whisper softly, stopping him before he can finish saying what I fear most, "I'm sorry, I can't reciprocate your feelings."

He looks at me puzzled, "I thought you felt something for me, all those days, all those nights texting and talking..."

"I did, I do! I feel something for you, but it's not... It's not love.  I like you, Jae, as a friend.  As a person."

"Ian," he says, eyes narrowing.

"What?" I ask.

"It's because of him, right?  He's always saying shit about m, without even knowing me," Jae explains, "it's because of him that you're suddenly pushing me away."

"He doesn't have anything to do with this.  He's not me, he can't chose for me-"

"You've ignored me, though.  You've pushed me away and your saying... it because of that sonofabi-"

"It's because I'm pregnant," I say immediately, hand cupping the underside of my belly and outlining the prominent bulge.

His eyes fall on my belly, lips parting in surprise.

"Because I'm pregnant and I love the father of my baby," I admit, "I can't reciprocate your feelings because I love-"

"Morgan?"

I tense at the sound of my name, Ian stepping behind me, arm wrapping around my waist as his chin rests on my shoulder.

I can feel how he tenses, how his hold tightens around me.

"You... you love him," Jae realizes, disgust coloring his tone, "you're in love with your own brother."

I'm at a loss for words.  I can see the repulsion in his eyes.  But the following words make my blood boil in anger.

"Your carrying his bastard?"

He can mess with me, reproach me, but I'll never let him talk about my baby like that.

I'm about to go off on him when Ian lets me go and steps in front of me.

"Back off," he glares.

"Or what?" Jae taunts, stepping closer, the rose falling from his grasp.

"You think I'm afraid of you? Of a coward who hits and bullies other people?  Who uses those around him and nearly kills someone."

My body tenses and the anger gives way to a wave of fear, a shiver crawling up my spine.

"What the fuck are you going on about?"

"You think we didn't review the security tapes?  You think we didn't see you?  See how you hurt Morgan, landed that kick?  That punch?  He nearly died because of you and your posse."

Jae turns to look at me.  He wants to say something, argue, defend himself.  But words fail him.

"You?" I ask, voice small.

The person I trusted, the person I called a friend, was my tormentor?

"I tried so hard to keep Morgan away from you without bringing those painful memories back.  You hurt him, and I swear I won't let you hurt him again," Ian vows.

"I... My intention wasn't to get close to you, to hurt you," Jae says, reaching out to me once more.

But I step back in utter fear and... and...

"You were one of them," I choke.

He was one of the faces that became nothing but a blur.

"I begged you," I continue brokenly, "I begged you to stop."

"I'm sorry," Jae apologizes, voice on the edge of desperation, "I know what I did, but I wanted to make it right.  I wanted to get to know you and I fell-"

"In love?  You think I'd buy a lie like that after all the shit you put me through?  I had to be hospitalized, I went though so much physical and mental pain!  There are still times when I can't even stand the touch of the people I love because I remember your hits, your punches, the hurt you inflicted on me!"

"Morgan, I-"

"Leave," I grit, hands turning into fists.

"Please, Morgan, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to lie or deceive you, to hurt you.  I-"

"LEAVE!"

Ian takes another step forward and Jae raises his hands up in a gesture of resignation, of surrender.

"I'm sorry, M," he says seemingly sincere.

I turn my back to him and wait for Ian to step inside before slamming the door shut.

I find my mom waiting with his arms opened wide.  I hug him back, so tight, so close.

And I feel his own tears, hot and salty, staining my shirt as he holds me closer.

Ian looks out of place, with a guilty look in his eyes.

"I'm not mad," I whisper, on some level understanding why he didn't tell me, "I'm just disappointed."

My mom gives a small laugh at that, watery but amused.

"Come on," dad joins in, "let's watch that movie."

The rose is slowly forgotten.

Tossed aside.

Dying.

No longer wanted.