Fairy Eyes

Chapter 9: Aqua

Aqua stared at her phone for the eighteenth-millionth time after coming home from work. There was a new story on the Decisions app, which she played religiously. This was one where there is a woman and she's traveling through space with her cousins. It came out with the Crown Romance's final installment. Aqua played both games for two hours

Then she would go on Blumbr to reblog til she was sick the images of the life she wanted to live, exercise to the imaginary body she hoped to acquire , and then she would have no energy to write poetry or do anything productive. Then another day and then some. Every day an endless routine performed with very little enthusiasm. It had been the same since Aqua had been home from school. There wasn't much to do with working a year before college. Being stuck in a rut of financial burden had left Aqua to deal with her own feelings of confusion about where she was going to be and if her friends were going to continue seeing each other or not, which she didn't want to do. Of which would cause Aqua to instead throw herself into fantasy of what should be the outcome of her life rather than what would.

Deep down, though, she was deeply insecure about moving on from one group of memories associated with New York to an entirely new place and new people. Images of New York sent so much happiness to her - of the unique ethnic restaurants she would try, of having fun in the streets within the community, gossiping about what the rich kids were wearing or who they were doing...

"You need to start packing" said my mom.

She found Aqua curled up into a ball on the couch. She sighed, stretched her body like a cat, then got up. Trudged to her room, past her sister Diana. Diana was a little diva in training much to the resentment of he rest of her family. Instead of focusing on her academics and putting her head down like it was expected she should, she instead found little amusement in school, spent the majority of her time on social media, knew all about the latest trends of celebrities, and was near finished with her relationship with her ex boyfriend. She recently got tickets to the Taylor Swift concert and, like many of her friends, was dying to go. She also wanted to dye her hair blonde, a request to what her mom constantly replied to as no.

"You want to be white girl, yes? Don't find yourself beautiful huh? Do you want to tell that to the thousand year history of Lu family that raised you, that came from poverty to riches to be able to bring you to this country? Only for you to spat in the face of your ancestors and want to be a white girl?"

"Mom, come on. It's not that I want to be a white girl. Black hair was so 40 years ago, when you met dad. Blonde hair is trendy. It's a sign that we are rebelling against the stereotype of the submissive asian woman trope that has followed women around for year" she would reply.

"What I do not understand is why you do not take this passion you have for rebelling against heaven-knows-what and instead focusing on making me and your Baba proud by focusing on your studies?"

"He's not here though isn't he?" spat Diana.

North University was not the first choice, but if it meant getting out of Westchester County, Aqua's Mom couldn't think of anything better. New York, for all it's diversity and grandeur, felt stifling and isolating at times. There was too much emphasis on what people have or didn't have. No places to walk too. The same people in her neighborhood of retiring and elderly European-Jewish people. No one can really do anything here but go out to the clubs or bookstores, and even after a while that felt boring. Another blockbuster movie. Another day running to the Castkills for a dip in the lake. Cooling off in the white houses. Hanging out with the German neighbor Christine, swimming in the swimming pool.

Mrs. Lu just felt stifled watching her daughter's complete lack of passion for where she was going with her life. She thought that sending Aqua to a new environment would provide  her the academic incentive to try harder and get a successful career path going.

Plus, if she were to be honest, she wishes her daughter had tried harder. All the schools that she should have gotten into rejected her. Maybe if Aqua had to move to the southern United States to make an example to Diana, Diana would make more of an effort to secure her place in New York. It wasn't exactly what she wanted for both of her daughters, let alone Aqua being so far away, but better one daughter than no daughter.

It's my regret to say that Mrs. Lu was right. Aqua was depressed. Age 18 is that kind of age when you start to question who you are and what direction you are going in life. Aqua began to think about her dad.

She never knew much about him. She had seen the photos of her dad holding her on his knee, the three of them visiting a fair, or them visiting the hospital when Diana was born. Then, all of a sudden, her mother woke up one morning and her father disappeared.

There had always been a rift between Diana and Aqua, that of which she never felt as more potent than she did now within her room listening to the loud R&B of her sister's room and her mom's pounding on her door, "Diana! I swear you get in your homework or I'll have you out on the street!"

"Well if you're a horrible mom like you say you are, go ahead and do it!" yelled Diana back.

The truth, more certain than ever, that this home wasn't much of a home anymore.