Regrets(book 1)

Chapter 7

*takes place a few monts after last chapter, near the end of yhe school year.*
*Yes, kurt and ram from heathers are included, but they don't speak*

I was sitting alone in the field of beautiful flowers. You would expect this to be happy, expect me to be happy, but I wasn't. I was sad. Depressed. Why?

Evan and I had just fought. Why? I don't remember, it's all a blur. All I remember was that I was sitting in the bathroom, and then Evan came home...We started yelling and he got angry and told me to leave...Just like he did to my brother.

I was sitting in the bathroom, blood running down my arms, bruises scattering them too.

I was crying...It hurt so bad.

Why? Why did they have to bully me? They're the ones doing this to me....making me cut because they think I'm fat... I hate it... I can't let Evan see this...I promised I'd stop...And I did for a while...I was healing...Then they decide that it'd be fun to bully me...I HATE IT!

I picked up the razor next to me, and carved some words into my flesh.

'FAT' one. 'WORTHLESS' Two.. 'UG-' Evan walked in before I could finish.

"Amber what are you doing?!" He grabbed my hand, making me drop the razor...

"I...I hate it...It's their fault...."
"Whos?"

"Jared...Kurt..Ram...Anyone they hang out with...they all think I'm fat...They think I do the shit I do for attention.." I was crying.

"What?! Why?!" He lifted me up, bringing me to the living room...We talked, and things got heated..in the bad way.

"GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!" He yelled at me...

I was scared and shaking, so I did.

And...here I am..

Would he even care if I disappeared?

'Of course not...you're a little freak...He doesn't really love you....He's just using you...'

No he's not..

'Oh grow up. He only fucked you because he was bored. He's never loved you.'

Stop lying...

'Admit it...you know it's true...He HATES you..'

NO HE DOESN'T

Before I knew what was going on, I raced towards a tall tree and started to climb it..

He wouldn't care....

Right?

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I stood on a branch, looking down. I was high up. It was pretty.

Now, I can be as pretty as the flowers.

And with that thought, I jumped.

And I crashed to the ground, and everything went numb...

It's good...It's nice...I can't feel my pain..

"Amber!"

Who was that?

I can't move....I can't see them..

"AMBER NO!"

Was that...Evan?
I thought he didn't care....

"Amber...No...no...No please don't do this to me...P-please.." He was crying...

He lifted my head into his lap and stroked my head moving that hair out from my face...

And all of a sudden, I could feel pain again...It felt like everything was on fire...

WHY CAN'T I JUST DIE?!

"Why...." I spoke..It was raspy..

"Why...can't...I..just die?" I was crying too.

"Why would you want to die?" He was calling someone...

"To escape the world of pain I'm constantly in..."

"Yes she's here....Hold on Ambi...Hold on.." I was slipping back into the darkness...I can't feel the pain..Will I die?

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I felt like I was moving...I heard the sound of chatter around me.....Was I at the hospital?

Why can't I die?

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Evan...That's all I saw....He was crying...He was holding my hand tightly....

Only thing is, I wasn't awake...I couldn't see him....It's like I wasn't in my body...I'm not in my body..

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I haven't been awake in so long...

What's it like out there? What is it like to be alive?

How's Evan?

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A/N

It's longer.

Yes the chapters are pre-written.