Waiting for Anpanman

CHAPTER 10: We Are Family

The fancy pink digital clock on the bedside table told Yoonsoo it was already past nine in the morning. For a moment he felt lost – since when did he have a pink digital clock!? More importantly, since when did he have his own bed!? Even in the dorm he didn’t have his own bed. He was provided a folding bed which was then given to the girls after he moved to BTS’s apartment.

As his eyes started to adjust to the semi darkness of the room he was in and the infernal hangover started kicking in, fragment by fragment memories of last night pieced together what he was missing. He bolted upright in horror! Min Yoongi and the rooftop! His drunken ass walking home under the rain, barely holding on, before finally passing out in the middle of the men’s dorm… And waking up in the middle of BTS’s apartment? What the hell!?

Apart from his throbbing headache, Yoonsoo felt like half his body got hit with multiple flying kicks. He moved his left hand to touch the sore spots on his right flank only to be greeted with the sturdy material of medical bandage. S***! S***! Do they know!? Just f***! He was topless.

Yoonsoo quickly got out of bed and went looking for his shirt nearby. If they found out that he was a…, he needed to find another hiding place quickly. Good thing he never settled in the apartment. Everything’s packed and ready in case he needed to run. Yoonsoo supposed he had Namjoon to thank for that. He strode quietly and purposefully towards the coaches in the living room, where he stowed his bags.

“Hyung! You’re up! I was on my way to ask if you wanted breakfast. Jin’s cooking a second batch since most of us just woke up. All thanks to a troublesome hyung last night.” Jungkook called from behind him. He didn’t sound upset or angry. He sounded how he sounded every day – cheeky and sarcastic – Yoonsoo couldn’t help but be suspicious.

Turning slowly to face the youngest member of Bangtan, Yoonsoo started to ask cautiously about the previous night. “Uh, about last night…”

“Let’s go eat first, Yoonsoo-yah. I’m so hungry. Hehehe.” The maknae responded.

“You know… Jin’s going to whoop your ass if he hears you talk that way.” Yoonsoo told Jungkook smiling, a bit relieved.

“A, but he won’t know unless someone tells him. Are you?” Jungkook stated cheekily as he followed Yoonsoo to the dining area.

Everyone was there except Yoongi. He was still probably asleep. When Jin saw them approaching, he wiped his hands on his shirt and went to Yoonsoo to check his temperature using his right hand.

“Uhhh, what is happening?” Yoonsoo asked no one in particular while Jin stuck his hand to Yoonsoo’s forehead.

“You were so hot last night, hyung. Jin hyung is checking if you’re still hot.” Taehyung responded automatically as he shoved another spoonful of rice into his mouth.

“Yah! Say it properly!” Namjoon interrupted. “ What he means is that you had a high fever last night… hyung.” The last word, Namjoon almost chewed. Hoseok almost choked, while the rest just looked at their food weirdly, not believing their ears.

“Finally! You finally gave up your stubbornness and called him hyung, Joon-ah!” Seokjin commented loudly as he pushed Yoonsoo towards one of the empty chairs and served him some rice and side dishes.

“Namjoon-ah! Are we okay now?” Yoonsoo asked the rapper sitting at the head of the table disbelievingly. “A! Mianhaeyo! I mean Namjoon sunbae-nim!” He was so out of it because of his headache that he forgot to address Namjoon the way he preferred to be called. He started to stand up to bow an apology but Namjoon raised a hand to stop him.

“Guys… I would like to say sorry for the trouble I caused last night. I don’t really remember what happened but I feel like crap. Did anyone kick me repeatedly last night by any chance? Hehe. Getting revenge, maybe? Just kidding. But if someone among you did, I understand… My presence is not exactly a blessing to your group.” Yoonsoo launched into his explanation-slash-investigation of last night’s events.

“A, maja! You collapsed after showering last night. What ever side you landed on probably is what is hurting right now.” Jin answered.

“How did I even get here? I remember going home to the dorm before passing out.” Yoonsoo frowned.

“Hyung, is that how you really feel about us after all  this time?” Hoseok looked at Yoonsoo with hurt in his eyes. He had put down his chopsticks and crossed his arms over his chest like an upset toddler. “First, you said it was only our group. Not yours. And then you called the dorm home. You lived here longer than in the men’s dormitory. Why is the dorm your home? Don’t you like us? And while I’m at it, what was up with the cold air you exuded last night after you woke up in a panic? Is something wrong?”

Yoonsoo felt his face heating up. The members found something out but it was totally different from what he was dreading. Now, he only felt embarrassed about the whole ordeal. He stood up and bowed deeply as he formally asked for forgiveness – the way he used to whenever Son Jaerin caught him and Jaeho doing something stupid and dangerous.

“Ei… Sit down hyung. What are we – a gang?” Jimin commented on Yoonsoo’s gesture. “It’s okay, hyung. But we would like to hear the answers to Hopie hyung’s questions. Aren’t we your friends? Aren’t you a part of this family?”

“The truth…” Yoonsoo looked at each face that was present and took a steadying breath before plunging into his explanation. “I thought everyone hated me. The only difference among you was that only Namjoon was brave enough to show it outright. So, I never settled. I didn’t know if or when I’d be asked to leave. To be honest, I suppose I let my judgement run a little suspicious to the point that I couldn’t trust any of you. Guys, I’m not really a peppy kind of person like Hoseok. I’ve just been trying to keep you all happy so I wouldn’t be kicked out.”

“Alright. I get where you’re coming from. I did show outright hostility right from day one. But, it doesn’t really add up – what you’re saying and what the trainees are saying. I’m not trying to start anything here, hyung. I just want everything out in the open. And you being drunk… Yoongi described it as something sharp and dangerous lurking under the surface. To be honest, the way you were after being woken up last night gave me chills. It felt threatening.” Kim Namjoon dove head on into the sensitive topics that the members stopped eating all together just to listen to the conversation that was quickly becoming an interrogation.

“Yeah, man! It felt like you were going to punish Seokjin hyung if he said no to your request. It was the exact opposite of what you showed us before then.” Hoseok spoke up again, confirming Namjoon’s observation. Jin just stared at Hoseok, thinking back to last night. Why hadn’t he noticed anything?

“The thing is… I’m sort of a dominant person...” Yoonsoo answered. The maknae line suddenly made choking sounds. When Namjoon looked at them he knew the three boys were thinking of something indecent from how red in the face they were and how they tried to look off in different directions to hide it. “I like feeling in control but my previous line of job suppressed it in some aspects to the point of relativity. Most of the time, I had to follow what the boss says even if I wanted to do it another way. But once in a while, when I’m drunk or experiencing turbulence… It shows up. So… You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll do my best not to trigger it. On what the trainees are saying… I don’t know what they say about me behind my back.”

“But hyung! What if we have to do a drinking party on V Live!?” Jimin questioned, looking every where except at Yoonsoo. “You won’t go… dominant on us, will you?”

“I drink pretty well. Trust me, you’ll never see that side of me again.” Yoonsoo grinned at the younger ones teasingly. It amused him that they appeared to be disappointed with his answer.

‘Which brings up the question “how much did you drink yesterday to be dead drunk and why did you drink that much?”’ Namjoon followed up.

“Something terrible happened to a person I cared about and I got informed during yesterday’s practice. It was partly because of me so I really felt burdened about it. I bought two bottles of vodka and went to my father’s to drink it all. I wanted to drown my emotions because I couldn’t do anything about what happened.” Yoonsoo confessed without revealing too much details.

“We didn’t know… I’m so sorry. I hope your… friend is doing okay.” Hoseok tried to make Yoonsoo feel better but he didn’t know how to.

“Hold up! Isn’t good vodka a bit dear? Your current allowance is still at basic rate and you bought two bottles of vodka!? Wah! You’re really a rich kid, aren’t you?” Namjoon needlessly analyzed.

“No, not really. My samchon is f***ing rich, not me. Oh. Sorry, Jin. Any way, I’m broke. I spent this week’s allowance on vodka. That’s why I walked in the rain. I didn’t have money for the bus. Haha!” Yoonsoo corrected.

“Couldn’t you have borrowed money from your father?” Taehyung asked honestly. He didn’t get why people found it difficult to ask their parents for favors.

“…my father is dead. I went to the memorial park where he’s buried to sort of talk to him.”

“Joesonghamnida, hyung! I didn’t know…” Taehyung apologized awkwardly.

“Why is this cute tiny person dangerous, RM-ssi?” Jin inquired out of nowhere, a puzzled look on his face.

“Tiny?” Jimin mimicked. Grateful that he wasn’t the shortest member anymore.

“I don’t know. Nan molla.” Namjoon half sang in response as he continued  eating his cooling breakfast.

“There’s a side to me that you guys don’t want to know about. It’s safer for you too if you don’t find out.” Yoonsoo explained, remembering the very reason why he was in BTS.

“What did Jikyong mean when he warned me not to fight you? He said you were scary.” Namjoon asked.

“How mean but I suppose he could say that… He’s entitled to his opinion after all. You guys don’t have to worry though. It’s probably just about that incident. When I was still living with them, someone found my social media account and screen capped a very unflattering photo of me. They spread it in the dorm with very bad captions. Made me look like a blood thirsty monster. Which! I assure you am not.” Why was Namjoon so great at casually interrogating people!? Yoonsoo started to worry that the guy might ask something he could not answer next.

“Blood thirsty… What’s with your banged up torso though?” Namjoon asked, suddenly suspicious of the trainee in front of him. Did he give up his fight too fast?

“Namjoon-ah, why are you so great at asking so many questions so early in the morning, huh? Listen, I have a dark past. It’s in the past but there are marks that can never be erased by time. There’s something on my body that can be dangerous if the wrong people see it. I’m covering it up so that I don’t have to worry about accidentally exposing it. That’s why the bandages. I could get kicked out if I was proven to put you guys in danger, you know. Now, if there aren’t any more questions can I please eat Jin’s delicious breakfast in peace now?” Yoonsoo begged, putting his hands in a praying position with his chopsticks tucked between his thumbs and index fingers. He was always starving the morning after he gets wasted.

“One last thing, hyung!” The youngest exclaimed. “Please promise us that you will always act like your true self from now on and please treat us like family. If you care enough to go to such lengths to keep us safe, I think we already are. You just have to acknowledge the fact that you are one of us now.”

Yoonsoo looked at Jungkook with a sad smile – it was a promise he could not keep – before winking and throwing a gun hand gesture Jungkook’s way to cover up his previous expression. “Algesseo. I promise. I will keep our family safe – body guard style.”

“And what platform are you using – what is your username?” Jimin suddenly threw in.

“Ah. Nope. Not telling. Someone remind me to close that account later so that our Chim Chim won’t have the chance to see me dominating someone else.” Yoonsoo laughed before stuffing rice and side dishes into his mouth. He looked over at the Maknae line and saw Jungkook silently laughing with his eyes crinkled and lips parted at Jimin.//