2 AM - Astrid S
The weeks that led up to leaving for tour were always demanding for Nicole. Six days a week she was spending twelve hours plus in a single studio room with her fellow dance group members rehearsing choreography to perfection. That particular tour had the group very stressed, as they hadn't had the time to get familiar with the choreography beforehand. The first week had consisted of true frustration as the group tried to master the intense choreography. Every evening when Nicole returned home she trudged up the stairs and collapsed face down in bed; she woke up the next morning to her blaring alarm, wondering where the night had gone.
The group had met the artist they were to tour with Saturday morning. She was an A-lister with more chart toppers than any of the dancers could count. She was young, two years junior to Nicole, and had been in the industry for most of her life. Nevertheless, she was giggly and playful. She kind of reminded Nicole of Eva.
Nicole had entered the house late on Sunday night, heavily fatigued with a rumbling stomach. It had been a particularly taxing day, as they had gone through the entirety of the show for the first time. Nicole hadn't danced with such focus on perfection since she had returned from her previous tour, so she was adjusting to the long working days. Steadily she freed her feet of her trainers before heading down the corridor toward the kitchen. She didn't fully register that Nathan was in the room until he had his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her body into his. She stumbled back at first, though she quickly melted into the embrace, exhaling as she settled her arms around his neck.
'I've actually...missed you so much...it's disgusting.' Nathan chuckled at Nicole's remark, pulling away so he could face her. Her eyes were half shut, hair slightly tangled, skin glistening with sweat, but she had that damn sleepy smile on her face that comforted Nathan immensely. He moved one of his hands cup her face so he could lean in and lock their lips.
'Glad to know I'm not the only one who hates how cheesy we're becoming.' Nathan admitted, moving his hands to his girlfriend's waist. Nicole swayed slightly in place, almost toppling over; Nathan had to steady her. 'You're about to doze off.'
'Just...a bit...'
Nathan smiled down at his girlfriend. 'Come on, let's get in the shower.'
~
Though it was mid August, it felt like autumn had arrived. The dire weather Britain was so used to was back, alongside harsh temperatures and bitter gusts of wind. Nicole had no choice other than to switch the heat on; she couldn't deal with the sudden climate change, she was constantly shivering despite living in hoodies.
Limbs tucked underneath each other, Nicole lay facing Nathan with most of the duvet wrapped around her to combat her inability to deal with the cold weather. The pair chatted into the night about the thoughts circulating their minds; Nathan's grief, Nicole's stress. Nicole was the first to fall asleep, Nathan had noticed that her eyelids had been heavy throughout the night. He hadn't realised how physically taxing her job could become.
Nathan lay awake with Nicole curled into his side, her head resting on his chest. He felt calmer with Nicole by his side, though he was still disturbed. More and more suppressed memories of his father were resurfacing, his thoughts on each recollection altering as a result of the outcome of his father's life. He felt like he had demonised his father his entire life, not allowing his father the chance to properly converse with him had left a void in Nathan's mind.
Nathan was staring at the ceiling blankly, eyes wide open when Nicole woke up. He looked like a Madam Tussauds statue; skin pale, face expressionless. Nicole had known he was still burdened, and was to be for a long time. She knew that grief never truly vanished.
'What are you thinking about?' she asked him softly as she begun caressing his shoulder with her thumb.
Nathan hadn't realised she had awoken until she spoke up. His chest had welled up with perturbation that had built up over the course of the early morning that was begging to be released. Nathan felt like he was going to be sick.
'It doesn't feel like it's ever going to end,' he muttered to her, his eyes refusing to look at anything but the white paint. 'This is hell, Nic. I feel like I'm locked in an animal cage and someone's shaking it around non stop.'
'It's here,' Nicole circled the skin above Nathan's bellybutton. 'Isn't it?'
'God, it's the worst.' His voice small and shaky, Nicole was almost certain that he was about to tear up.
'You're probably going to feel like that a lot for another week or two,' Her hand travelled to his mid chest, where his left hand was resting, in order to place her hand on top of his. 'In the second to third week it'll still be intense, but you'll feel it less. Gradually over the third and fourth weeks the intensity will lessen and so will the frequency. By the fifth week, you'll only really feel it in silence. From then onwards, sure you'll get random outbursts, but they'll be manageable. It'll feel a lot better than how you feel right now.'
Nathan's eyes diverted downward to meet hers. Her lips were upturned slightly to comfort him, her eyes somewhat distant. Nathan remembered how Nicole had spoken so highly of her aunt and his heart shattered. Nicole had felt the pain he was feeling, the pain that he would never wish upon anyone, especially her. And she had been so young.
'God, I'm sorry, Nic.'
Nicole reached for his face, leaving a sleepy kiss lingering on his lips before she snuggled back into his side without saying another word.
