Train Of Thought: Delayed

Not Right Now.

I know things will get better, I've been told it enough times to believe it.

But, right now, it doesn't feel like it. Right now, it feels like everything I am, everything I've done, everything I could possibly ever contribute to this world is pointless. I'm pointless.

Right now, when I look up at the stars all I see are lonely and desolate balls of gas, floating up in the air without any direction, without any purpose and can do nothing but watch as the world goes on, without them. Perhaps I relate to them.

That's right now, right now I feel like shit.

But I won't be like this when I'm older.

When I'm older, I'll be better. I'll do better, I'll say better, I'll be the better me. I'll make my mark in the world and make sure it stays there long after I've gone. I'll look up at the stars and no longer see pointless balls of fire, I'll see hope and faith. I'll become one of those stars.

When I'm older, I'll be worthy of my name.

But, not right now.