Stargazing

Yellow

We were so happy. I'd never experienced that kind of love with anyone before, and I was so happy I would be able to experience it with him. My whole heart, mind, body and soul belonged to that boy. And to this day, he still keeps a piece of my heart, somewhere tucked away in the pockets of his yellow shorts. Or maybe in one of his Adidas shoe boxes he keeps on his dresser. I don't know where it may reside, but he has it, and it's his forever.

Here comes April. Month 2. We were overjoyed that we had each other. We spent every moment either with one another or talking, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. The month went by, every moment spent together was cherished, as always. We really had it going for us. I thought I had my whole life laid out in front of me. A boy who loves me for me, myself giving my love to someone so willingly, opening up every little portion of myself, exposing my true colors to someone that I trusted with my life. Honestly, I was done searching. I thought I had found my soul mate. I know it sounds cheesy, and we had only been together for two months, but when I say there was a connection, I mean it. Everything was a connection for us. We made each other playlists, I expressed my feelings for him in my writing, eloquently conveying my deepest feelings for him with pen and paper. Everything was bright, and yellow.

Now, April. April means Prom. And it means one more thing. Sex. Now, I know that it seems soon, just hear me out. When I was with him. I felt so comfortable, so relaxed, so safe. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the entire world, and I tried to do the same for him. He gave life, love, and lust a whole new meaning. And I wanted that forever. I will never forget, April 6th. Sex, for us, wasn't about fucking each other senseless and ravaging our bodies, it was about closeness, love, intimacy, passion. We went to his house in the late morning. Myself in a rust colored tank top (one of his favorites) and him in a soccer jersey for a team that I never learned the name of. He was on one the whole ride there, bursting with the energy and silliness I loved so much about him. I miss that the most.

We arrived, and climbed the stairs to his bedroom. We kissed. Not in a rush, but slow, and sensual. Like there was nobody else in the whole entire world either of us wanted to be with. Inching closer and closer to each other, consuming one another in our intimacy and passion. And just like that...our love was sealed. 

And now, Prom. My God, it was by far one of the best nights of my whole life. We danced, drank, and most importantly, we loved. We loved one another that night like I never have before. I gazed into his eyes endlessly, kissed his soft lips, whispered sweet nothings into his ears, and new in that moment, I wanted to spend my whole life with this one boy. He was my person. And I believed it.

After Prom, and after I got home, I laid in bed, cuddling his soccer sweat shirt, and replaying the night over and over again. Reliving the magic that was that evening. I fell in love with Eilers more and more that evening.  This was month 2. T-minus 3 months, then our ticking time bomb of a love story would explode in my face, drastically effecting me, and so it seems, only me.