Stargazing

Why (A small Part)

Month 3. May. May was by far the least eventful month. I mean, of course it was fun, hanging out with him basically every weekend and him coming to surprise me after school sometimes. We really had a lot of fun together. He was always there for me, always, no matter what. Now, we're going to go back to April. The day Eilers and I had sealed our love. I snuck out at 2 am to see him, and I had never done that for anyone before. He pulled up in front of my house, and I quietly opened the door and ran. We drove up the hill to a secluded area and talked for a bit, then, well, we resealed our love. Again.

After our time of intimacy, things got serious. Throughout most of my teenage life, I had dealt with Anxiety and Depression. And Eilers knew that. He knew that I had self harmed before and he knew I had the scars to show for it, he just didn't know where. So, we sat in the back of his car, and I opened up. I told him why I did it, why I wanted to end it all. And we cried. I cried because I had never opened up to somebody this much, and I was scared to be rejected. He cried because of the possibility that I wouldn't be there that day with him if I had gone through with it. He held me, and let me sink into his arms, and just disappear for a while. He let me just be with him, for only that moment in time. And I was so happy. We were so in love. I let him out his hand on my upper thigh, where the scars reside, and he just let the tips of his fingers caress my leg, for what felt like eternity. I was accepted, he loved me for who I am, and for who I was, and I was so beyond grateful for that.

That night when I got back to my house, I laid awake in bed for hours. Replaying that night over and over again. Remembering how he told me I was perfect for him, no matter what struggles emotionally or physically I had in the past, and even now. He gave me peace and happiness. He was my bliss.