RAMBLINGS

falsely

We were doomed from the start, me being too toxic for the relationship to survive at all. But now that I look back, I wonder if maybe it could've worked. But of course, I don't have the privilege to do so because he's moved on, he's happy, he's content and maybe it was all for the best.

The girl under me asks if I'm enjoying it but all I can see is his face, melancholic and glowing at the same time. It doesn't seem very fair to the girl, no, woman, still intent on doing her best, knowing I was numb quite a long time ago.

Maybe I'm doing the same thing to her that was done to me and maybe it was all a circle, never ending.

She gets up with a smile etched on her face, pleased with herself, and if I was in her position, I would be too.

I don't manage to reciprocate it quite as well as previously and she must've noticed because she says that it's okay, that she didn't expect anything in return. But how could I tell her that, if it's all that she never wants to hear.

I muster up a small smile just enough to satiate her thirst for my attention and then I promise to myself never again, but that's what I told myself the last time too.

I now know I don't have the strength to do anything about anything. I couldn't keep myself happy then and now I've lost the ability to keep others happy too.

I say bye to her, the taste of her Cherry Chapstick still in my mouth but all the while thinking about the boy I could never have.

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