Imagine waking up every morning feeling disappointment. The only thing I ask for is to go to bed at night and avoid the morning Sun- I want infinite sleep.
The second feeling I woke up to this fine morning is the feeling of pain. My body screams out from pain and my muscles ache as much as heart break.
The third aspect I wake up to is the physical and mental feeling of exhaustion. Who knew getting less than two hours of sleep could make you this tired?
I climbed out of bed and lazily stalked (with the help of limping and groaning)to the bathroom and turned on the hot water as I prepare for a scorching hot shower. I tend to shower in boiling hot water to prepare myself for the blazing hot atmosphere in Hell- it already feels like in it and I haven't even died yet.
I let the dirty clothes from last night- or should I say this morning- glide roughly down my body as I strip stark naked for the lightly fogged mirror in front of me to judge and shame me. Even the fogged up mirror couldn't hide the dark purple bruising on my chocolate skin.
I stepped into the shower getting used to the burn and slowly rinsing off the bad dreams away..
Flashback:
I was at my friends house when I decided to text my mother about my holiday plans for the week. I've been at her house for a might so far and I'll be going home tomorrow.
"Hey do you think your mom will let you go to Alexis dinner party on Thursday? It's from 7 to 11." My close friend said.
"I think she will because we're on Spring break and school doesn't start in a month or So.." I was ecstatic about going to Alexis birthday dinner as she's one of the popular girls and well known girl in our school. I wasn't popular but I wasn't on the bottom of the hierarchy, I was friends with everyone and everyone was friends with me.
To Mom: hey mom please may I go to a birthday dinner on Thursday?
(I hope she says yes)
Mom: do you not want to live with us anymore?
(I laughed taking it as a funny was as my mother tends to joke around a lot.)
Me: yes pretty much😂😂😂
I'm sorry you know I love you😂
Oh and on Friday May I go to lunch at 13:00 with a friend?
( i almost forgot my lunch date with the boy who broke my heart... depressing right?)
Mom: No...dad and I think you're taking advantage of us. Plus you don't love me and we both know that and I've come to terms with that each days as it comes.
(What is that supposed to mean? Is she joking? Who the fuck says something like that? My own mother thinks I don't love her?)
Me: what is that supposed to mean?
Mom: exactly that. I never wanted you anyways.
End of flashback
Do you know what I love about showering? I love the fact that my tears blend in with the spitting water from the shower head. I took my face cloth and loafa as I started showering.
After doing my business I went to my room and got ready before waking up everyone and putting cereal bowls for every one in the little dinning room. Due to the lack of sleep you could clearly see my bags and it doesn't really do justice when people ask you what's wrong.
We ate and said goodbye to our mom and started our journey to school.
"Hey Bella why were you talking to those people yesterday? I mean don't get me wrong if their your friends but I'm pretty sure they are TTH..." many mang asked. I don't blame her if she asked that because I even wouldn't believe they 'speak' to me. Quickly trying to think of a lie that could keep up to the river of lies I've spewed this week.
"They just needed something and their not my friends... so what is everyone gonna do today and after school?" I slowly distanced myself and changed the topic fast then to my favour they all chat about their fun activities while I take out my ipod from 2006 and earphones before playing Here (2am version) by Alessia Cara.
"Here (2:00 AM Version)"
I'm sorry if I seem uninterested
Or I'm not listenin', or I'm indifferent
Truly I ain't got no business here
But since my friends are here, I just came to kick it (what friends...)
But really I would rather be at home all by myself
Not in this room
With people who don't even care about my well-being (with people who don't even know me...)
I don't dance, don't ask, I don't need a boyfriend (It's not like anyone wants me... I'm ugly)
So you can go back, please enjoy your party
I'll be here
Somewhere in the corner
Under clouds of marijuana
With this boy who's hollering
I can hardly hear
Over this music I don't listen to
And I don't wanna get with you
So tell my friends that I'll be over here
Oh-oh-oh, here, oh-oh-oh, here
Oh, I ask myself, what am I doin' here? (What am I really doing here... i shouldn't be here. I don't want to be here.)
Oh-oh-oh, here, oh-oh-oh, here
And I can't wait 'til we can break up out—
Excuse me if I seem a little unimpressed with this
An anti-social pessimist, but usually I don't mess with this
And I know you mean only the best
And your intentions aren't to bother me (I wish)
But honestly I'd rather be
Somewhere with my people
We can kick it and just listen to
Some music with a message, like we usually do (I miss them)
And we'll discuss our big dreams
How we plan to take over the planet
So pardon my manners
I hope you'll understand that I'll be here
Not there in the kitchen
With the girl who's always gossiping about her friends
So tell them I'll be here
Right next to the boy who's throwin' up
'Cause he can't take what's in his cup no more
Oh, God, why am I here?
(God, why am I here? Answer me)
After the song I realised a single tear left my eye and touched the tar with pure salty pain... I ignored my feelings and entered the school gates.
Here goes nothing.
Head down.
Eyes down.
Quick feet.
Avoid!
I hastily walked into school and avoided peoples attention only to realize every one is whispering about something...and It's not me.
"Did you see who came back?"
"I saw the car"
"Oh shit let's move or else something bad is going to happen."
"I thought it was just the one?"
"It's both of them!"
Both of Who? Who came back? What is happening? Oh my gosh... I pray to the man upstairs that it isn't who I think it is... I looked around and spotted the person who I truly thought would've vanished from my life.
Non other than Satan herself I bring to You-
"Hello Isabella." I'm sure my chocolate skin completion would have turned white.
"Melissa..."
Done: 23 September
Not edited🥀
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My Invisible Smile
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