If You Were My Love

Smile At You

I'm not sure if this could get anymore awkward. I think everyone else is just trying to ignore Lindsey, but it's pretty fucking hard to do when he's boring holes into me with his eyes. It's really so childish that he's refusing to speak to anyone. I suppose it's better than him screaming but it would really nice if he would stop fucking glaring at me or making disgusted looks at us anytime Jimmy touches me. It's not like it's even anything inappropriate. I'm not stupid enough to do something like that to set Lindsey off. He shouldn't care what I do! Yes, I broke up with him, but I had given him every chance to stop what he was doing and he just wouldn't! Even after I broke it off he wasn't trying to get me back, he was out finding a replacement for me. He has no one to blame but himself for the fact that I moved on. God, Stevie stop thinking about Lindsey! I worked to push him from my mind and get involved in the conversation. "How many songs did you bring Stevie?" Chris asked, trying to bring the focus to our record. I could tell she was trying to alleviate the tension I was feeling. I smiled at her gratefully. "I brought about 6 that I've actually worked on. I'm excited to play them for you guys and start working on them." I told her. I really was excited, I love the way our voices sound on my songs. As long as Lindsey doesn't overproduce them. He goes totally overboard on the production. "Well we should get started when we get up tomorrow." Chris stated decidedly. Everyone agreed except Lindsey who was still sitting in his stubborn silence. Could this night be over already?

"Stevie, play us your songs." Christine said, getting the session going. I looked back at Jimmy to ask him to play the tape. He put it on and my voice filled the room. Anxious is probably the best word to describe my feelings at the moment. I really love my songs, all of them. I wanted them to love them, too. I began to harmonize with myself to keep myself occupied. "I'm through waiting for you, train sings the same kind of blues..." That's Alright wasn't a new song, Lindsey and I had worked on it in the Buckingham Nicks album. When it was over everyone in the roomed smiled at me, except Lindsey of course. He had his eyes closed trying to focus on the music I guess. When the next song was playing I saw his face soften. He never opened his eyes but he seemed more relaxed. Of course he would like If You Were My Love. It was one of my more favorite songs I had written in a while but it also happened to be about him. I wrote it during the Tusk tour, when I was feeling particularly sympathetic toward him. He was angry and rude all of the time, but he also seemed just broken. I felt like if we had still been together that I could have taken care of him, I could help him. I still think I could get him out of this place but at what cost to me? The band loved that one, too. Even Lindsey actually said he liked it. I hope he doesn't think that he has a renewed sense of hope in our relationship. I think Gypsy was probably everyone's favorite. I loved it, too. Seeing Lindsey's mood change after hearing If You Were My Love I knew we were in for a ride with my last song. As soon as I heard the song begin I looked over to Chris anxiously. She just shook her head, trying to tell me not to worry. I'm sure this shit with me and Lindsey was annoying to her. Hell it was annoying to me. I saw Lindsey's expression grow hard. He tensed up again when I sang the line, "My first mistake was to smile at you, smile at you." I don't write to hurt Lindsey with my songs. I write my feelings. I was so angry when I wrote Smile At You and you can totally tell from my vocal. The Tusk tour was so long and I went through so many emotions with Lindsey. I had tried to be kind to him and he was just so cruel to me and began to try to flaunt Carol Ann in my face even more. She had even started saying they were getting married. It hurt. Of course he was doing all of that to hurt me. Two years later and he still hadn't married the bitch, so whatever. Mick looked over at me, "Damn Stevie that was fiery! Good shit. Speaking of good shit..." he trailed off and pulled out his stash. I felt grateful for it because I definitely needed a hit. Carol Ann was hitting it harder than everyone else. She always tried to act so innocent but she was worse on the shit than I was. I'm sure Lindsey paid for it, too. Everyone talked for awhile about my songs, their favorites and I was confident the band liked all my favorites as well. Everyone except Lindsey. He went over into the corner and just started working on guitar parts. Jimmy came over and sat next to me and whispered in my ear, "I told you they would love them. They're amazing." I looked back and gave him a quick peck on the lips. He always knew what to say to me. He knows how important my songs are to me. "Stevie as soon as you finish snorting Mick's entire stash maybe you could actually start working on the album. It's not like we haven't been waiting for you for months already." Lindsey called from his corner. He was such a jealous bastard! He had put out an album, too. "What the fuck is your problem?" Jimmy said from behind me. Oh great this was the last thing we needed, for Jimmy to give Lindsey what he wanted. "Jimmy, it's fine." I said quietly, trying to calm the situation. "Oh is it Stevie?" he sneered. "Have I hurt your feelings by telling the truth." That was it. "Fuck off Lindsey! I'm not the only one who was working on an album you know. I'm fucking here now and it's not like everyone is waiting on me. We're all sitting here. If you have such a problem with someone snorting Mick's stash maybe you should take that up with your girlfriend!" I shouted angrily. I could see the rage building in Lindsey but I wasn't about the back down. I stood straight up with my eyes blazing directly into his. He started to charge at me, I knew he wouldn't hit me, especially not with all of the guys in the room. We screamed at each other about I don't even know what. for a few minutes before Mick put a stop to it. "Ok you two that's enough. Let's get to work." he said between leading me away. Carol Ann was trying to calm Lindsey down and he was not having it. He yelled for her to leave and everyone was quiet I saw Jimmy shaking his head disgustedly. I tried to tell him what it would be like with us but I don't think he believed me. He knew now. They had almost finished most of their stuff working without me. I mean I had to do background vocals and Lindsey would tweak everything 500,000 times but at least I had something to do.