If You Were My Love

Welcome to the Room...Sara

My life had never been more complete since the moment I first held Adam in my arms. He was such a good baby. My whole family loved him so much. I'm not sure that there was ever a child that had been loved as much as he was. Everyone who met him immediately fell in love with him. The band was always sending things for him and coming to visit when they could. Well everyone except Lindsey. I didn't mind. Adam and I really were happy and I was able to do it all on my own. I kept my distance from LA as much as I could. I was enjoying being at home with Adam anyway. A few months after he was born I did have to start on my next album. I took Adam with me for everything. There was absolutely no way I could leave him behind. That little boy filled my every thought. I had never been away from him and I never wanted to. We put out the album and June and I knew I was going to have to do a huge tour because the album was a huge hit and I hadn't toured with my solo work like I should have. I made arrangements for a nanny to come with us to stay behind with Adam while I was performing but I did everything else myself. I wanted to be the one to care for Adam. He only had one parent and he needed me. I was tired for sure but to me it was worth it. The Wild Heart Tour was 2 years long though and at two years old my handsome little guy had seen more of the world than most adults. I wanted him to be able to enjoy and experience everything. He had always looked just like Lindsey and I was surprised that as he got older he looked even more like Lindsey. I saw myself some, but only in small ways. His features were softer like mine but everything was like Lindsey's. Lindsey released an album not long after mine, but again it just wasn't as successful. I listened to it and could tell that a lot of the songs were about me. It was too bad that he realized it all after it was too late. I had heard he and kicked Carol Ann out and it can't deny that I was happy to hear it. Not because I wanted Lindsey back, I just thought she deserved it. I hadn't spoken to Lindsey in two years. He was never even curious about Adam. They had started calling me to talk about another album, but I was insistent that I wouldn't leave him behind to make an album but I wasn't ready for us to be around Lindsey. I just decided to make another album. I think Adam and I pretty much just lived on the road, but he seemed to really love it. The Rock A Little tour in 86 was huge. I was selling out everywhere. The record hadn't been as successful as the previous two, but it was still a success. Toward the end of the tour Chris called. "Stevie look, the band needs to do an album. We haven't put anything out in 4 years. I understand your situation with Lindsey but we need you to do this. Lindsey's album didn't do well I'm sure you know and he's going nuts to get another Mac album. We'll start work now and when you finish your tour you can just come in and do your stuff. It's the best we can hope for as far as your interaction with Lindsey. Please Stevie we really need you to do this." she said, almost pleading. I knew I was holding them all up but I was focused on my situation with Adam. "Stevie nothing is going to happen with all of us there." she prodded. I didn't see how I could put it off. She was right, this situation was the most ideal in a situation that was definitely not ideal. "Ok Chris, but Adam is my priority. If things go badly with Lindsey then I'm pulling out immediately. I haven't talked to Lindsey in four years. I'm not looking for an issue." I told her. She promised everything would be fine and said she would see me soon. Was it too soon to already start dreading this?

My stomach was in knots the whole ride from the airport to Lindsey's house. How I let myself be convinced to record in Lindsey's house for whatever length of time was beyond me. But here we were, on our way now. I held Adam's hand while he talked about everything he saw out the window. I pulled him into my lap and gave him a huge hug and a kiss. "Mommy loves you more than anything in the whole world baby." I told him. "I love you too Mommy." he replied before giving me one of his most charming smiles. Just like his dad. I couldn't help but sigh. I didn't think there was any way that Lindsey wasn't going to see himself in Adam. He looked like a five year old version of Lindsey. There was a chance that Lindsey chose to ignore it and that was the best I could hope for. We arrived much sooner than I was ready to. I grabbed our things and Adam's hand and walked into Lindsey's house. I was honestly more nervous than I had ever been. I walked to the studio and told Adam to stand outside the door because I could smell the joints and cigarettes from here. I walked in and everyone seemed excited to see me. Well except Lindsey. Of course. "Stevie where's the baby?" Chris asked. "He's in the hallway. I could smell the joints and cigarettes and I was going to ask you guys to put them out before I brought him in. I don't have him around that." I explained. Lindsey rolled his eyes at me, but put out his joints while everyone else put their different things out as well. "Is Adam tired Stevie?" Chris asked me. "Yeah I think he is, he needs a nap but I know we need to get to work." I told her. "I'm done for now, I'll take him to your room upstairs." she offered. I could tell she was trying to help me keep Adam away from Lindsey as long as possible. I smiled gratefully at her as she walked out. "What did you bring us Stevie?" Mick asked wickedly, knowing it was a loaded question. I had sent them my tapes earlier so that Lindsey could start working them out. We listened to it for awhile before anyone said anything. "I think it's good Stevie. Let's get to work." Lindsey said, almost kindly. I wasn't expecting that. I laid down vocals for several hours before going to check on Chris and Adam. She was getting him dressed for the pool. "I thought I would keep him busy so you could work." she explained. I thanked her and gave Adam a hug before I went back down. It was insane how quickly Lindsey was actually get things done. I had laid down all of my initial vocals for the three songs in one day. It never happened this fast. Maybe he was uncomfortable that I had my son there or maybe they told him to speed it up. I don't really know but I was thankful for it. I might actually be able to keep Adam away from Lindsey the whole time. We were listening to the playback when we were interrupted by the studio door bursting open. My heart stopped when Adam run through the door. "Mommy! Mommy! Guess what I did?" Adam exclaimed excitedly. I looked around the room and everyone looked panicked, except Lindsey. He was staring at my son intently and it was making me uncomfortable. I pulled myself together. "What did you do baby?" I asked, giving my son what he wanted. "I went underwater Mommy and I wasn't even afraid!" he told me proudly. "Mommy's so proud of my big brave boy! Let's go get you changed so you're not dripping water everywhere." I said, trying to hurry him out of the room. "Hey Uncle Mick! Hey Uncle John!" he said, giving them high fives. Much to my surprise he stopped right in front of Lindsey. "Who are you?" he asked, in a way that only a five year old can. "I'm Lindsey, what's your name?" Lindsey asked, still focused completely on my son. This was not what I wanted at all. I wanted to run with Adam from the room, but I knew that would make things worse. "I'm Adam Nicks." he told his father proudly. I don't think I was even breathing the whole time. I could sense the surprise on Lindsey's face when he heard the Nicks. I'm sure he thought Adam would have his father's name, probably assuming he was Jimmy's son. "Adam honey, you're dripping everywhere, you'll see Lindsey again in a few minutes, let's go get you changed." I said trying to get him out. Lindsey looked up at me and I couldn't read his emotion. I knew it wasn't good for me though. He looked back down at Adam and said, "Why don't you let Aunt Chris change your clothes Adam? Uncle John and Uncle Mick are going to go decide what to have for dinner while your mommy and I finish our song. Maybe we can go back out to the pool tonight after dinner. What do you say?" he asked. "Ok!" Adam told him excitedly. Lindsey had cleared the room except the two of us. I gave Chris a frightened look before she walked out. Mick kissed my cheek. We all knew what was going to happen. God why had I agreed to come here?