Hate to Say I Told You So

Chapter 13

I walked myself to school on Monday morning. I sat in my arch, but no one ever came. Guess I shouldn't have expected anything different. I had gone from having a track record of zero broken hearts to two in one night. Ross walked by and seemed to slow down as he passed me; however, he never stopped or said anything.

In English, I got the same response. He shot out of the room after the bell rang, but he dropped a notebook behind him; the thick, black one I had seen him scribbling in a few times. Ross never noticed that he had dropped it, so I picked it up and put it in my backpack.

I looked back before I left the room. The memories I had there now seemed difficult to believe. The room looked the same, but felt so different than it did a week ago. Maybe because this room had become the place I'd almost gotten kissed by Ross Douglas here.

...

When I got home that afternoon, I opened Ross' notebook. I knew that I shouldn't have, but isn't curiosity just human nature? His notebook just contained poetry. He had dozens of poems dating all the way back to last year. At least half of them had dates within the last few months and seemed to be about things that Ross and I had done together or about traits of mine. He had poems about my eyes:

Sparking with hope, and promise

Making me believe in the impossible

My smile:

The smile, which turned

This cruel world into a beautiful place

And my personality:

Kind and caring

Never faking

A few about ways I had made him laugh, or the series about a girl in a coffee shop:

If only to know the girl's thoughts

Are they of stress, or of a world far away?

Escaping reality, all within the realm of this shop

I could assumed he meant me, but he never mentioned the name of the girl or my name in any of the others. Ross had one poem titled "Belle." He had worked on it for a day or two because the most recent had the date of the day before the dace. "Belle" stayed blank. Part of me wondered if he had dropped it with the hopes that I would find it.

I spent half the night reading and re-reading all of the poems. The next morning, I dropped the book on his desk. He didn't say a word, but I guess I didn't expect him to.

...

After a week of silence, Collin spoke to me. Monday morning, he walked up to me in my arch as I read.

"We need to talk, meet me at The Corner Café after school."

Ross gave me the cold shoulder in English class, and the rest of the day went by in a blur.

Collin must have cut his last class because he sat by a table waiting for me when I got there. We ordered, and he paid.

"You want to take these for a walk?" Collin didn't wait for an answer; he just kept walking towards the door and opened it for me.

As we started to walk towards the park, Collin reached for my hand. It felt a little weird, but oh well. He seemed jittery, maybe with nerves. Collin Lang never got nervous. I knew then this would end up as a day for the history books.

"You're right about Heather." He said

I almost choked on my coffee. "I'm right about what?"

"Heather. She has a boyfriend back in the city. They broke up for about an hour after she found out she had to move, but got back together after. She just saw me on the side. I confronted her the next day, and she admitted everything. In hindsight, it may not have ended up as the best idea, but I couldn't get what you said out of my head. It made some sense because she always seemed so protective of her phone and would disappear at times. I'm sorry I got angry with you. I now know you just wanted to protect me."

"Ah." I threw my cup in a nearby trashcan.

Collin flung his arm out in surprise, empty coffee cup help between his thumb and first finger, "Ah? I tell you my girlfriend cheated on me and all you can say is 'ah.' Belle, I pretty much just gave you an entire soliloquy and that's all you say? Unbelievable."

"Well, it's not like I didn't try to warn you. I hate to say it, but I told you so." I pulled my hand away, thinking he wanted space. I didn't want to since Collin held my hand after all of these years, but he seemed so angry.

"That's right, you did tell me." Collin tossed his cup in the same trashcan and half-lunged for my hand again. "Did I ever tell you how smashing you looked that night?"

"No."

Collin nudged me with his shoulder, "You did."

"Thank you." I could feel myself going red.

"Then again, you're always pretty." Collin stopped walking. "You know, this whole thing with Heather made me realize that you're one of the few people I can trust. That's important to me." He looked me straight in the eye and not blinking. The intensity of his gaze made me a little apprehensive, then again, it also made me think I might hear something important. "Heather cheating on me also made me realize that... you're the one I want." He took a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm stuck. I mean really stuck, on you."

The shock left me beyond words. I had wanted to hear those words from those lips for so long. I'd heard them in my head a million different times, but I never thought it would happen. In all of the confusion, I hadn't noticed Collin's fingers under my chin, tilting my face towards his and it came closer and closer until I got my first, well maybe second, kiss from Collin. Did this count as my first kiss? Surely Ross' didn't count.

Ross.

I couldn't believe I could only think of Ross as Collin kissed me. I remembered to kiss Collin back, right?

Just them, I noticed I wasn't feeling anything. No fireworks whooshing or string quartets playing in my head. I just felt... empty. I tried to enjoy it since I'd dreamed of this for years, wished about it on countless starts, then here it happened, and I wanted to push Collin away? Just a few weeks ago that I had wanted this to happen more than anything.

I did anyway. I pressed a hand to his chest and put some space between us. Collin's face flashed with confusion, but I turned away so I wouldn't have to see what came next.

"Whoa there." Collin said as I tried to walk away, but he took my arm and made me face him. "What's wrong?" He put his arms around me again.

"I didn't feel anything. I've dreamed about this a million times... and I didn't feel a thing." I placed a hand on his chest and pushed him away again, more gently this time.

"What are you talking about? Belle, what's going on?" He reached for me again, but I turned out of his grasp.

"It's Ross, okay? I want- I don't know. Just not this."

"Wait, so now you like Ross? Belle, this is ridiculous. Two weeks ago, you couldn't stand the guy, then you went to the dance with him, and now you think you like him?" Collin sputtered, fuming. I knew I had to get out of here. Too much and gone down in my life for me to stay.

"I have to go. I'm sorry." I turned on my heel and hoped Collin wouldn't try to follow me.