Long And Lost (Book II)

Ch.3: I am teaching myself how to be free

Longing

Here we go again. Tell your brain a story. Playground, happiness. Kids running around. You're playing tag with Steve.

Rusted

You fall to the ground. Head first into the snow. Siberia. No, Central Park. Tell your brain a story, a story of ice skating in Central Park. Head first into the snow.

Furnace

Freezer truck. You had no money for the train, you find someone to take you back to Brooklyn. It's cold, Steve is shivering, his brow angry. You spent the money for the train on hot dogs.

Daybreak

Hot dogs. Steve punches your arm, you fall on your side dramatically, to make him laugh. But he's not laughing, he's reaching for you. You're still falling. You hear him scream.

Seventeen

He screams, you scream and everything goes black. Tell your brain a story, everything is black, except for Steve. He's there, he's bigger than you remember. He's carrying you out.

Benign

Now he's falling, you jump after him. You're carrying him out of the water. He saved you, you've saved him. No, he hasn't saved you yet, but he's trying.

Nine

Tell your brain another story. Steve in Wakanda. Back to the ice. No, not back to the ice, out of the ice. Steve is waking you up. He's going to save you.

Homecoming

Steve is not alone. He says she can help you. He's afraid of her, you are afraid of her, at first. She tries to breaks through. You're still afraid of her, of what she does, of what she sees.

One

Not anymore. She can help you, and she does. Tell your brain a story, a story that hasn't happened yet. A story you want to happen.

Freight car

Tell your brain a story. A story where you hold her, you kiss her, you tell her that you--

Victoria made her magic leave Bucky's head, and stared at his panicked face.

"Vick, I'm sorry, I'm--"

"James..." Victoria took a few steps back before Bucky grabbed her hand. "Don't do this to yourself."

Bucky just nodded. "I get it, I just--" He chuckled dryly. "Why am I even trying to explain myself, you've seen everything." He looked up at her and Victoria held his gaze.

"I really care about you, James, but--" Victoria shook her head and forced a smile. "Hey, let's focus on the good news."

"After making a complete fool of myself, it would be good to hear some."

"You made it through all ten words." Victoria said.

Bucky smiled widely and hugged her, feeling lighter already. After months of work and effort, breakdowns and migraines, finally. It was the first time in decades that Bucky felt truly happy about himself. Before he could process what he was doing, he had already picked Victoria off the ground and twirled around. Putting her back on the ground, his hand cupped her chin and he leaned in to kiss her, but she stepped back.

"I can't. James, I'm sorry, but I just can't."

"Your heart belongs to someone else, I get it." He offered. "Steve told me you were married."