Joyriding

March 28, 2018

A/N: hey my lovelies, sorry I haven't updated my story, I was at a relatives house for a bit longer than expect but now im back!

T/W: anger issues, depressive episodes and mentions of self harm.

   Hey,

   Today I wanna tell you about my next guy best friend that helped me get better for a while. He's name is also Carlos but everyone called him Charly, he is like 2 or 3 months older than me and he would remind me constantly of that fact. To be completely honest there was a short time I found him attractive but I realized that it would never happen so I got over that small crush.

    He was there for me when I had several depressive episodes and he would let me cry but he wouldn't pity me, I hate when people pity me for being sad, I have always hated that look as if I were a small kicked puppy, he never gave me that look but rather he would let me know it was ok for me to cry but he would never let me wallow in my sadness. And due to this he gained my complete trust.

  He hated my parents due to the way they would treat me if front of others, since almost all my insecurities lead back to an experience with them, he hated and would chastise me for talking bad about myself, sure he would get angry at me when I would do all of these and this was before he found out I would cut, he was furious at me because he grabbed my arm the day after I had a very bad depressive episode and had cut from my wrist all the way up to my elbow. At first he was furious at my parents since his first thought was that they had hit me but when he asked me to roll up my sleeve and I insisted on not doing so and he knew I hated making him mad for all that he had done for me. But after 10 minutes and two more of our friends holding me, he was able to roll up my sleeve and I felt so ashamed.

But let me tell you how we got there, it was around February, and his family was hosting the surprise anavirsary party for my parents, I was feeling exceptionally sad that day, will our parents were in the backyard, all the teens, him and I were in the living room/his room, they all left for cake, but I had no energy to get up and ended up laying face down on his bed, I started crying, he was the first to come back and once he saw me like that he tried to talk to me but I wasn't in the mood to listen, my sadness turned to anger, I got up and walked to the frontyard, they had a concrete wall there, I felt so angry I started punching it, all that could be heard were my sobs and the sound of my knuckles hitting the wall.

This was the first time any of my friends had seen my anger issues in action, they had heard stories but they had never seen me so angry, after I had finished punching the wall, I slid to the floor, then he got his sister my first best girl friend, Lesli, more on her later,  and Monica, another friend  so they could calm me down, two of Monica's brothers tried to listen in on our conversation, I was very vulnerable at that moment, Charly knew that, he also knew I'd hate it if they all found out so he made sure to keep the boys away so no one would see me like that.

Sure my knuckles were busted and I couldn't move my left pointer finger for two months but I didn't care about it, he ended up having my complete trust, since he would listen and never did he tell a soul what we talked about, obviously since we were very close, people started talking, it didn't help that we had similar taste in how to dress, as in we would normally look like we had color coordinated our outfits, which made others think we were together, which never was true.

He was one of the select few that I feared to make angry, I didn't want to disappoint him since he tried to help, I say tried because he always thought he was helping me from breaking, he never understood I was already broken. Our friends knew that I feared him in a way so when I was being stubborn and wallowing in my sadness or in anger, they would threaten me saying they would call him or tell him, that would always make me understand.

He was a great friend, but I no longer speak to him, this saddens me a bit since he tried to help so much but it was all broken off since my friendship with his sister didn't end very well, and by that I mean she stabbed me in the back in a very bitchy way, but that's a different story for a different day.

Well, I'm off now, before the darkness of my mind takes over.

            Bye!

Stay frosty, my wonderfully wicked children!
Song of chapter: Rose Colored Boy by Paramore
What do you guys think?
Have you guys had a friend like this?