𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐀𝐓𝐘𝐎𝐔 | 𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘

seventeen

— "that's a tough thing to do"

GRAYSON

i laid on his chest. eyes wide open. i stared at the baby blue wall that you could barely see because it was covered by night darkness.

his chest rose and set. his breathing was steady. i felt his hand touch my head as he started to comb his fingers through my hair. he startled me because i didn't know he was awake.

"are you okay baby,"

i sighed heavily before nodding my head. i had actually been thinking a lot about us. he would be leaving soon again. he didn't know that i knew this.

he sat up and pulled me into his lap. laying my head down on him and softly moving his hand up and down my arm.

"tell me what's wrong baby,"

"i don't want to talk about it,"

"don't want to talk about what?"

"what you want me to talk about,"

"what is it? you know you can tell me anything,"

"i know but i just don't want to think about it right now,"

"think about what?"

"when you leave me again,"

i heard his breath hitch. he finally stopped retaliating.

"b-"

"i don't wanna talk about when you leave me. because then we'll have to stop us again and i have to wait for you to come back," i said below a whisper.

"grayson," he paused making me look at him. he put both of his hands on my face, "i don't wanna leave you baby"

"i don't want you to leave me either,"

"but i have to,"

"when are you leaving?"

"sunday"

i looked down at the space between us.

"we can make it work, we always do,"

"jack i can't. it's so hard for you to be away because it feels like nothing is right. do you not know how much it hurts me when your gone. my heart fucking breaks when you're not here when i need you. i cry and cry and cry all day because i'm sad and upset. those moments after i just sit there emotionless not knowing what to do next. this world scares me jack. after everything all i learned was how to be strong alone. i'm here alone and no one knows or cares about me. i feel like if i died no one would fucking care. i kill myself everyday for you jack. because i love you. i know it's only been one damn month but you will never ever understand the amount of pain that can stay hidden away in the deepest corners of a lonely damaged soul. i cant just let you leave me like that again," i cried.

"then come with me,"

— AUTHORS NOTE
dId i LeAve yOu wiTh aNothEr cLiFFhAngEr? oOPs 🙊