Seven Reasons Not To Die

ix | day 168

Dear Poppy,

By receiving this letter there is no doubt you've already inferred what it means. Maybe you were crying before, once you figured out I wasn't home this morning. I know you doubted your reasons near the end, and truthfully in the beginning I was hoping they'd work too. I just, I didn't have much that was ultimately worth saving when you found me on at Dover Peak. Even if I wanted a happy ending, I don't think this was a movie. I wasn't destined a happy ending. When I explain it it'll sound dark, but I wanted to be with my parents. I miss my mum's hugs, her laugh and the scent of her coconut shampoo. I barely remember what my own father looks like, my mum and Gloria kept his pictures locked away because they couldn't handle his death. The only thing I really remember is he smiled a lot like my mum.

The point of this letter being only for you is because you were the first to care. It may have come off as selfish to do this after everything you told me. In fact it was selfish, because all I ever saw you as was a meddling girl who was weird and annoying. I don't know if you think this is your fault, that you failed. Like I said, I wasn't worth trying to save. Your reasons weren't bad, they were wonderful they gave me hope for a short time, but my own mind refused to let them have a home in my head.

If you were hurt by my words, of you being an obnoxious human being, here's a moment of true honesty. Going out, I don't see you like that anymore. I questioned it at first, we had never talked before this week, and I didn't see seven days as enough to fall in love with someone. For all I know it may not be love, but false infatuation because you tried. Either way I feel something and whether it's real or not I needed to put the thought somewhere.

I don't know if you actually remember, but the day I found you at the cemetery  we never shared a true reason. In fact I didn't have a reason until long after the hours spent twisting dandelion stems into a flower crown. Poppy you were my reason six, and it may not have kept me alive. Instead it let me know that with the pain you had  I was only haunting you. I didn't like the idea of doing that to you.

Poppy looked up, she was crying. It wasn't an ugly cry, but she was sure it was close to becoming one. There was no way she could possibly finish reading, and she didn't care if her mum, or Gloria,or the therapist sitting their watching her expectedly. She stared at each of them in their own light, until finally she looked at the blonde fidgeting in her seat across from her.

She had wanted them all present for this final meeting, she wanted Eliza because she wanted Poppy too. Maria wasn't to sure if she could have made it without the dark haired girl, and she decided that if she kept the half hearted
letter this long, then someone at least deserved to read it. That person had to be the one the letter was meant for. Though if anything were to be more surprising than anything, it was having herself tackled to the floor. Both noticeably deaf to the three adults yelling in shock.

"I can't believe you right now," Poppy cried, as Maria struggled to ignore the throbbing in her elbow.

"Maybe we should go," Gloria whispered, "They seem to need a minute alone." She stated again, after they all realized Poppy had not in fact viciously attacked the younger girl. Eliza shuffled out after Gloria, leaving the two teens and Maria's therapist. She sat quietly behind her desk, smiling to herself as she watched the girls clinging to each other on the floor of her office. She left shortly after, though that didn't keep the two other women from peering in.

There were still hard times to come, she knew five months wasn't enough to have everything disappear, but she inferred that if both these young woman had each other, there wasn't much more that she could do.

"So, I have a question," Poppy pulled away from the hug, wanting to look at Maria, "has it been enough time yet?"

"Poppy, it's been more than enough time." Maria grinned as a loud cry erupted from outside the room, Gloria's voice could be heard leading Poppy to erupt into laughter.

"So much for a moment," Maria muttered, as she helped Poppy and herself up off the floor.

"Oh, I guess you'll want this back?" Poppy inquired as she picked up the crumpled letter that had been forgotten until now.

"Rip it, tear it up, it's not a part of me anymore. Not when I have the real thing." Maria stated, as she took the paper from the girl. They didn't say anything, simply watched as the sound of tearing paper echoed throughout the room, "Are you hungry, because I'm starving."

"We'll go home, I'll make a cake!" Gloria offered as she burst into the room, and instantly the teens faces paled in usion, Poppy remembering the incident with the burnt biscuits.

"Why don't I make a cake, for now let's just head to the diner." Eliza stated as she looked at Gloria, her face mimicking her daughter's.

So the adults talking quietly together, walking in front of the teens. Neither noticing when the two stopped by a patch of dandelions. The flowers were dwindling in numbers, as it was turning into fall. Though they didn't mind the wilting plants, as they tied stems together.

"They're not weeds," Maria smiled as she placed the crown on of top Poppy's head, "but you already knew that."