Unkept Promises // Brolby

/12/

Chapter 12

Wish You Were Gay by Billie Eilish

It's been about a week since I texted Brennen. I haven't really spoken to anyone nor have I posted anything on any type of Social Media. Sam has been M.I.A. for a few weeks now.

I bit my bottom lip as I sat on my bed. I've had time to think everything over. My mind was still spinning with so much confusion, but I guess everyone's was as well. I was alone in this pit of confusion.

I got up and turned on the light, letting my room see some form of light. I took a deep breath and gathered a clean outfit and made my way to the bathroom Sam and I use to share. I grabbed a towel from the under-the-sink-cabinet and started my routine of turning on some music, undressing, and taking a shower.

I stood under the warm water for a while, letting the stream hit my face and clear me of my constant tired state. Grabbing the body wash, I felt a sort of satisfaction as I felt the grim and sweat of the week's breakdown being washed off, cleaned with soap. I repeated the process with my hair then I let myself drift into thought.

"I just wanna make you feel okay."

I hummed the tone.

"But all you do is look the other way. I can't tell you how much I wish I didn't wanna stay."

I gulped and opened my eyes, looking at the tiled wall. "I just kinda wish you were gay."

I turned off the shower and immediately turned the music off. I sighed and turned on the bathroom fan. I slowly dried myself before putting on some black skinnies with rips at the knees and a plain white t-shirt.

    I stepped out of the bathroom and went back into my room. I sat on my bed, looking at my phone. My stomach twisted with nerves as I tapped onto my contacts and hovered over Brennen's name. Slowly, I began to type out my message.

We can talk now.

I sent it and sighed, feeling the nervousness in my stomach build up. I got up from my bed and walked over to my dresser. I looked down at all the rings that were scattered on the wooden dresser. I picked three rings, putting one on my right pointer finger, one on my left middle finger, and the other on my right ring finger. As I placed the last ring on, my phone dinged, echoing throughout the room. I look through the mirror attached to my dresser and look at the glowing light that was on my bed until it faded away within a few seconds.

The nervousness and anxiety came back. I slowly took a step towards my bed. Each step made me doubt myself even more. Was I really ready?

Slowly I picked up my phone and the screen came on. I put in my thumbprint and went to messages.

I'm on my way.

I bit my bottom lip and turned my phone off. I made my way out of my room and down the stairs. Everyone was gathered in the kitchen, all talking quietly but as soon as Corey saw me, everyone went silent. They all gave me worried glances. I went to the fridge and got a water bottle out before shutting the fridge. I turned around and leaned on the handles. I looked at everyone. "Brennen's on his way." I said to break the silence.

"Now?" Aaron asked, he sounded surprised.

"Yeah.." I looked down at my shoes.

"Hey, Colby. How are you?" Corey asked. I looked up and shrugged.

"It still hurts. But I'll get over it." I said. "I'll tell y'all how the talk with Brennen goes." As soon as those words left my mouth, a knocking appeared on the door. I took a deep breath and shakily walked towards the door. I opened it and without a word, he walked in. We made our way up the stairs and into my room. He sat on the bed as I shut the door and turned the light on. I sat on my computer chair.

"So..." Brennen started. "How've you been?"

I stayed silent for a moment. I frowned. "Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"I feel like shit." I looked at him with tired eyes. I tried to smile, but it came out weak and was gone just as quick as it came. "These past few weeks have been.... tough. I um, know that I need to explain some shit to you. I'm just..." I took a deep breath and held it in before letting out slowly. "Scared?" I whispered, looking down at my hands.

    Brennen slowly nodded. "Take your time."

A few moments of silence followed. My brain was blank and I couldn't think of a way to start my explanation. "Okay um. I guess I'll just start with... I am gay." I looked up at Brennen, scared of his reaction. He only looked at me, no disgust or hatred written on his face. I cleared my throat. "I um, came out to Sam first. I trusted him, still do in a sick kind of way. After I came out, we went to the Suicide Bridge. Normally, I'm not so awkward and shit around new people. I mean, come on, we meet new people for a living. Anyways," I cleared my throat. "I've been feeling things. Things that I didn't really want to be feelings especially once we became good friends. We started hanging out more and I kind of left Sam a little too often. The last time we hung out, Sam and I were supposed to film but I over slept and then, out of my feelings towards you, I said that I could film with you. When I got home, Sam blew up and started yelling at me. I had a panic attack and basically collapsed and Sam left the house. And he tweeted all of that." I kept my gaze down.

"Is it true?" He asked. I froze. I heard him sigh and I sunk further into my chair. My heart broke. I knew he didn't like me, I knew he wasn't gay and now not only did I lose one very good friend, but I lost another one as well. My throat began to close up as the sadness overcame me. Hesitantly, I nodded. I couldn't trust my voice.

    The silence killed me. Tears threatened my eyes. Fuck.

    "I'm not disgusted or anything. I hope you know that." Brennen said slowly. "But.. Colby. I'm so sorry. I'm..." I bit my bottom lip and forced my feelings down. "I'm not gay."

    I nodded. "I know." I whispered.

    "But I still want to be friends with you." Brennen continued.

    "I do too. But I feel like we should distance the friendship for a little bit. I-I.." I frowned and studied my hands like they'd somehow give me the answers to all my problems.

    "Oh. Um. Yeah, I uh, I understand." Brennen stuttered. It was silent for a few seconds. We both were lost in thought. Slowly, Brennen stood up and I looked up. "I uh, I'll see you around." He held out his hand. I took a deep breath and took stood up, taking his hand. He pulled me into a hug and I froze. "Colby," he started. I didn't expect the words that came out of his mouth next. "I'm not straight either. I'm like, hella bisexual." He chuckled. He pulled away from the hug and walked towards my door. "I should get going. I'll text you." He smiled and winked at me before taking his leave.

    And I was left standing there, blushing like a fool.

Yooooo! Sorry about the last ass update. I'm glad y'all are liking this book! <3