Unkept Promises // Brolby

Epilogue

Epilogue

Talking To Myself by Mountains of The Moon

If I had a penny for every time I said that I'm okay and meant it, I'd be a millionaire.

Life was... peaceful at the moment. Everything seemed to be put back together but chaotic at the same time. I had been sitting in the middle of a tornado for god knows how long. This beautifully disastrous phenomenon was about to be explained to on camera.

    I had turned the camera on long ago. I've sat on my bed staring at nothing as I tried to figure out what to say. My hands shook and fingers fiddled with the hem of my hoodie. I glanced at the time stamp and sighed heavily once I saw that I've been sitting there for well over five minutes. "Okay..." I mumbled. "What's up everyone, it's Colby Brock."

    The video was very monotone. Listening back on it, I sounded as if I were dead and had no soul. Groaning, I leaned back in my computer chair and rubbed my face. I wanted the video to be cheerful but I also wanted to address everything that's been happening, the good and the bad.

    Bringing up Sam, I couldn't help but go numb. Thinking about the passed few weeks and how everything went to shit so quickly, put me in a state of mind that's so hard to shake off.

    "Let's try this again." I whispered to myself. I unhooked everything from my computer, grabbed my camera and stood in the middle of my room. "Where..." I looked around then an idea popped into my head.

    I grabbed my keys, pocketed my phone and wallet then headed out. Aaron was in the kitchen with Buddy and Elton. They had been talking before I came down. I didn't look at them but I did hear them call out my name. I didn't look. I just kept walking.

    I get into my car and immediately pull out. I turned my camera on and put it on my dash. "I need to distract myself when I explain everything that has happened. I want this video to be open but I also don't want to spill too much. If I do, I'll end up editing it out. Also I'll try not to edit too much. I want you guys to know everything. You've been sending kind words and the amount of support I've been getting is incredible." I paused, taking a deep breath while waiting at a stop light.

    "These past few weeks have been... hard. I'm sure most of you guys have seen the tweets, um..." I cleared my throat. "Calm down, Colby." I mumbled. "Anyways, I'm sure most of you guys have seen the tweets and have been worried. I want to say that I'm okay. I'm truly okay. I'll admit that I wasn't in the best state of mind during all of this, but I've gotten help from some close friends, my roommates, people who have been through this before. Oh god I'm shaking. I need to pull over."

Shakily, I pull into the nearest parking lot, which happened to be in front of an empty gas station. As soon as I parked, I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes, willing my body to relax and my heart to stop pumping so hard against my ribs. "I feel like I need to explain myself," I started again, not moving from my position. "I feel like.... I need to tell you guys everything. You're family. And family deserves to know. I just...." My throat closes up. "Fuck. I just can't. I need you guys to understand that I can't put myself out there like everyone else. It's hard. Talking about this is hard." I gulped and felt the tears coming to my eyes. I opened them and took a deep breath and exhaled.

"I've never been fully open to you guys about what's going on in my life. Mostly because I'm scared to vulnerable and I'm sure some of you are too. What I've had to learn and what I'm still currently learning is that, it's okay to cry. It's okay to hurt and feel pain. Especially for males." A tear escaped my left eye and ran down my face. I chuckled sadly. "Um, so I'm going to be open. Vulnerable. Everything that scares me. I'm doing it here.