Marigold's Garden

Magnolias

Willow Valley.

A picture perfect town with picture perfect people. The only local news it ever had was minor stuff, cat stuck in a tree or a lost dog returned home. Willow Valley is a small surban town where everyone knows everyone. The local news is bore but the the town gossip is all the hype. And I'm sure my arrival was probably the new topic. I've made the Gossip headlines a total of 4 times. Being the "towns nutcase." they would never say it to my face obviously ,instead they send endless amount of Gift Basket and cards acting like they care they really just want to be nosey.

Being in Williow Valley as a child was fun, I was happy and carefree but now, not anymore. The Picture Perfect Town only reminds me off bad things. Things I can't get over.

" Here." Said Belle passing me the small box she holding as we sat in the back seat. The was wrapped perfectly even had a nice white ribbon wrapped around it. " Dad wanted me to wait until I got home, but I just couldn't." I held the small box in my hand. Her eyes watching me waiting for me to open it. So I did, I gently undid the ribbon letting it fall gracefully in my lap. Removing the small lid, inside the box was breaded white beaded bracelet with a few sliver beads that where shaped like gems.  My finger tip grazed over it.

" It's beautiful."

Belle smiled.

" I know you are so upset about losing Mommy's necklace and I thought maybe I could make you something to make you happy again." Poor Belle, she didn't feel the tension in the air or the awkward silence tag wrapped around after her words. It was evident in my Dads face as he drove. He looked back at me making sure I hand them cracked making sure I didn't attempt to jump out of a moving car at the mentioning of my Mother. How do I tell my younger sister that I'll never be happy again. There is no way to tell her. I could practically see the sweat appearing on my Dads forehead scared of me breaking down.

I smiled " I love it." He breathed he finally breathed after holding in a tense breath. I placed on the beaded bracelet just as we pulled into the driveway.

My childhood home coming into view.

Wish I could say it looked the same.

But it didn't  guess while I was gone they felt like it was safe to make renovations. No one to smash the windows or crash the car in the garage. No one to break the bathroom mirrors. No one to make this beautiful happy home a depression place. No one to oppose. They knew I would never agree to House renovations. But now, I don't even care. It's not like I'll be here for long.

" I hope you like it. We just changed a few things." My Dad said.

I didn't reply. My eyes took a look around the yard . Clipped and cut, but no more colorful flowers. Like all traces of her were gone. I could only imagine what the backyard must have looked like. The front yard was now basic. Nothing sitting us apart from anyone else. In many ways I tried to convince my self that I was okay with it. That those colorful flowers would only remind me of her. But I knew that even if they where here, I would still be angry. I would still be upset.

I remember ripping them out with my bare hands. Clawing then out 'of the ground in the middle of the night instead. Staining my night grown with dirt and flower petals. My hands bleeding and scrapped as I pulled out the roots of the plants.

" No! Marigold Stop this!" I knew it hurt him. Seeing me pull out the things my Mom has planted and cherished. Those flowers represented her life, and I tore them out the ground. It was 4 a clock in morning. I had woke the neighborhood everyone peaked out of there door to see the freak show.

"She wouldn't want this Marigold. Come in the house please."

I wouldn't stop. I just kept going and going digging and pulling away until his large hands wrapped around my body pulling me away. I kicked screamed and cried. Eventually we feel in the ruined rose garden and he still held me. I cried in my fathers arms that night. He wasn't angry at me even after all of that. He just held me and said " shh, it'll be alright Marigold. It'll be alright." No one thought much about it at the time. The small town saw pity in me.
I wasn't just he girl that lost her mother.

I was the girl that saw her mother die.

" It looks great." I finally replied getting out of the car. The small town pitied me. It was understanding for me to unhappy, but not for as long as it lasted.

My Dad carried my bags into the house. Looking back at me every second making sure I was "okay."
Dad was always considered about the meds. He said he didn't want them to turn my mind into mush. He didn't want them to stop me from feeling. To be like an emotionless robot

I headed into the house ahead of them sending them by surprise. I guess they where expecting me to be fragile to look around at the unfamiliarity of my home. But I didnt. I didn't care. I knew it was no way things could go back to normal. I wanted to skip the awkward homecoming and show them I was fine...

Even if I was lying.

" Who's hungry. I can go out and get some pizza. Even the kind with the nasty pineapples you like on it Gold."

I'm not hungry.

" Can't wait I haven't had pizza in forever." I reply with a grin.  " I'm going to head upstairs and get changed." I grabbed my bags from my Dad and headed up the stairs. I knew he was unsure about it. The idea of leaving me in a room alone frighten the hell out him.

As it should.

I'm suicidal after all

When I walked to my room I was surprised by one simple fact.

I was missing a door. My whole fucking door was gone. My room being on full display.

Having my door gone just showed the level of trust I would have to fight for. I didn't speak or yell or do anything. I threw my bags on the bed and took in the sight of my old room.Well at least it felt like my old room. This room belonged to Marigold, not Mari. This was Marigold's bed. Marigold clothes. Marigolds life.

And I didn't like it.

You could say I was in a bit of an identity crisis. Still trying to figure out who exactly Mari is. I opened my closet taking in my wardrobe. Back at the hospital our wardrobe was never this colorful. I scanned through my clothes looking at all the pastel pink clothes that Marigold loved.

Ew.

I settled with a grey tank top and sleep shorts and headed to the showers.