Trying//////Sequel to Where it starts! Jamilton

CHAPTER SIX

*Time skip- Alex is out of the hospital* 


*Alex* 

The ride home was silent. There wasn't much to talk about. 

Something in me was afraid to leave the hospital. Now I would have to deal with Pip's empty room, or the loss of his enthusiastic voice int he morning as he made himself scrambled eggs. Or him calling goodbye as he rushed out of the door for school. 

My heart shatters at just the thought of eventually having to dispose of all of his things. 

And I still blame myself. 

Look you can tell someone not to blame themselves or to not be depressed anymore or not to overthink everything, but words can only tell you what you already tell yourself in the darkness of your mind. 

It's not as easy as everyone makes it seem. It doesn't just go away, not after your brain has carved it as a well-traveled highway. It takes time. You have to scrape away the old and lay down the new foundation. 

I walk through the door of my home. I walk in a daze. I don't know what to do because Pip was all I knew. He was my everything and now he's gone. 

My head rings and I can almost hear my baby Pips voice telling me I should have done better. 

And I should have. 

He would be here if I had done better. 

I mindlessly walked to Pips room. 

The bright colors of it seeming to have faded away. 

I stand frozen. Arms stiff at my sides and tears streaming down my face. 

I don't notice Thoams until his hands wrap around my waist. For some reason at that action, I choke and I let out a broken sob. 

"I wasn't ready." I practically scream out. 

"I wasn't supposed to have to bury my baby. I was supposed to go before him." I crumbled as sobs shook me. I went limp and start to fall to my knees. 

But Thomas caught me and faced me towards him holding me up. I snaked my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest as sobs escaped me. 

"I know hun. I know. It hurts. I know. I'm here. " He stroked my hair and I kept crying. I didnt know what else to do. 


"He was supposed to go to Harvard or Yale or Kings. We were supposed to protect him. I failed him, Thomas. I failed him and now I have to let that go! And I don't know how!" 

He holds me tighter. 

"I know Lexi. I know and it's hard. I know. Its always going to be hard. We have to get through this hun." 

"I'm trying Tommy. I'm trying so hard to be okay." 
"No one is asking you to be okay. No one is asking you to be strong. All you are expected to do is what you need to." 

"Thomas, what are we going to do about his room?" I barely manage to stutter out. 

"I don't know Lex. How about we try to be okay first? Huh?" 
"Sure." 

"Are you hungry?" 
"No." 
"Alex... are you lying?" 
I shuffle back away from him and look down at my feet. 

"No." 
"Alex, you can't lie to me. " 

"Yes." 
"Alex you have to eat." He sighs out and walks to our small kitchen. 

"I don't want to." 

"Alex, please. You are making this harder than it has to be."  

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry okay? Is that what you want to hear?" 

He sighs again and I walk over to the couch and curl into a ball. 

"Alex come on. Eat." Thomas places a Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich in front of me. 

"Thomas I cant." 

I don't tell him that I don't think I deserve it. I should starve and die. 

"Yes, you can. Stop blaming yourself. What could you have done?" 

"I could've done better! I could've been more cautious and safe. I was so stupid and reckless." 

"Alex. It happened. He's gone and it hurts like hell. But we can't do anything, Lex. You couldn't have done anything." 


I shake my head and stare at my knees. 

*Thomas* 

Alex doesn't eat. 

He doesn't sleep. 
Barely talks 

He walks around in a daze, Cries. Lashes out. 

He hurts daily and I have to be strong for him but I don't know how long it will be before I break. 

He hurts and makes it harder for me to handle and I don't think he notices. 

"Alex, please eat."

He stays silent. 

I sigh and get up walking to our bathroom. 

I close and lock the door and let out a breath. I slide down the door and stuff my face in my hands. 

I run my hands through my hair and let the tears fill my eyes. 

I don't know what to do. 

It feels like I've lost the 2 most important people in my life. I'm all alone in my own home. I don't know how to get him back. 

I stand up slowly and walk back out to our room and see him cuddled on the bed in a ball with his headphones in. 

I go over and crouch in front of him. Tear prick at my eyes harshly.

"Hey, Lexi." He looks up at me and lets a small tired smile slip. 

"Tommy." His eyes glaze over and I return the favor and give him a smile. 

"How ya feelin hun?" 
"Better. It still hurts." I reach for his hand and squeeze it. 

"I know love. I hurt too. I  hate seeing you hurt like this and I miss him." 
"I'm sorry I'm so helpless right now. I see now that I neglect how you are handling this." 

I smile and tears slip from my eyes. I squeeze his hand once again. 

"No. No, it's okay Love. I know it's harder for you. It's okay."

He sits up and hugs me. 
I grip him tightly. 

"You wanna go out with Herc and Laf?"
"Sure. I haven't seen them in forever." 

*Time skip* 

We drive down to Laf and Hercs apartment and knock. 

Herc answers the door with puffy eyes. 

His eyes seem to light up at the sight of us. 

"I haven't seen you guys in forever! How are you two?" He reaches for Alex and hugs him and I can see the light in Alex's eyes at the sight of his friend.

"Hey Herc. We've been better. But I missed you guys Where's Laf at?" 
"Sleeping on the couch." 

"Oh."  Alex smiles lightly and walks in and goes over to the couch. 

"Hey, Thomas. How ya  been?"
"Been Better. But I'm pulling through for Lex. He's had it pretty rough." 
"How exactly has he been?" He gestures for me to come in. 

We stand and talk in the doorway. 

"He's like how he was in College. Barely eating, sleeping, talking." 
"Oh no." He looks over at him who has now woken Laf up and they are hugging and talking. 


"Yeah. He's smiling a bit more lately. But it was so much harder for him to handle so I wanna give him time before we do anything with Pips stuff." 

"Hey, we'll always be here if you need our help with anything." 
I smile gratefully and nod. 

"How have you two been with all of this?" 
 He groans. 

"Laf has been the same as Alex. He loved that little boy to death." 

I nod knowingly. 

"I, well, I've been struggling. Both of us are just limping by every day. But, this surprise visit from ya'll is sure to cheer us up. Laf especially" 

"It'll cheer Alex up too. Glad to be of service." He laughs and we walk to the living room. 

"Herc! Mon amour, Ale is here!" He smiles brightly. 

Herc laughs beside me. 

"Yes, I see that." 

Alex and Laf continue talking. The grey veil seeming to be lifted and my world feels better. 

Lighter. 

If only for now Lex can be happy. All I hope for. 

A/N Heyyy.... yeah I'm back. I'm updating back on this book now so yay! I don't know for how long. I still have another book I'm working on. But you will get a lot of chapters in the next 2 weeks. So yay enjoy it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter if you didnt please tell me how I can make it better! Thank you for reading, commenting and Voting and have an amazing day/night and 
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!