• insomnia •

1

Lars
Monday

The small alarm clock blared some random song that is playing at the moment.

♪ It started off with her hair, cause every night has gotta start somewhere. ♪

I'm already awake, sitting at my small baby blue desk tucked in the corner of the small room. Papers scattered in every direction, full focus on studying. Coffee and vanilla were all that you could smell. Empty cups of coffee filled the small baby blue bin to the left of the desk. She said by Sundara Karma playing softly in the background. Pencils coming in contact with the paper, scribbling down terms. Eraser shavings littering one side of the desk and folded paper.

I pushed my glasses up and shut off the alarm clock. I stayed up all night studying with occasional breaks to the store with my dog, Rob. A beautiful mix between a border collie and a corgi.

Huffing and looking down at my desk. I checked my phone for any text messages. I don't know why I still check them. Nobody texts me. Other than the occasional messages from my mom, asking if I ate anything that day. It's a sweet gesture, and I love her for that. It's not such a surprise either. I'm not that social. The only friends I have are 5 people. Hannah, from one of my jobs, Jacob from college, and my pets. Rob and Poe, a gray Devon rex kitten. They are both sweethearts, great for cuddling when I feel the most lonely.

I looked behind my back and saw Poe in a small ball with sheets surrounding her. I smiled a little bit and took out my phone, taking a picture of her sleeping. I then put that photo in my album of her and Rob's photos. There are about 280 photos in that album. I love them. Stretching in my chair, I close my MacBook and grab my cigarettes.

♪ Her voice is telling her to stay behind. So, as friends approached her, she looked over her shoulder... ♪

Grabbing my phone and walking out the apartment door. Keys in hand, lighter and my wallet. I didn't want to risk harming my pets so, I always went outside to smoke. I go to the park that was 5 minutes away from the apartment complex. It was silent, shoes and pavement colliding together. Footsteps echoing into the distance, slim hands reaching out to light a cigarette.

♪ Doubt he even knows that it doesn't feel right. Acting like he doesn't care, but he's really the most self-aware. He taught his heart how to be cool, cause everyone loves a criminal. ♪

Breathing in the toxic chemicals, the itching and dryness are addicting. Breathing out into the atmosphere and watching the smoke dance around in the air until I couldn't see it. I always loved the way smoke looked. It's elegant and beautiful. I kept walking towards the direction of the park. The sprinklers are on so I couldn't walk over to a bench and sit down.

"Fuck it," I whispered to no one in particular. I walked over to a trash can, put out my cigarette and threw it away. I then placed my belongings were the grass ends. I ran through the sprinklers like a little kid that had too much candy. I imagined someone was there with me. I ran through until I was out of breath and needed to change before I freeze to death. My hair stuck to my skin. Black ripped jeans were sagging, and my sweater was about to fall off my skinny body anytime. Slowly controlling my breath, I grabbed my things and checked the time.

6:56, they're probably up by now. I started to walk faster home to my pets. Didn't want to keep them waiting. As soon as I got home, I am attacked by Rob jumping at me and Poe meowing at me.

"Okay, okay. I'll get your food, wait for a little bit."

I walked to my small closet in the living room/bedroom. I lived in a small studio apartment. The walls and carpet are all white so, it's hard keeping it clean. I pulled out my black and white checkered sweatpants with a grey long sleeved.

I then tied up my black wet hair in a little ponytail at the top of my head. Walking back to the cramped kitchen, I grab the dried food bowls and filled them. Setting them on the ground, next to the small bed on the floor. I then started to make coffee. I set the coffee in a clear mug with ice cubes and a steel straw. I put hazelnut and vanilla creamer in, with a little bit of milk. The color of the coffee went from a dark brown to a creamed color. I set the coffee back on the counter and cleaned up my mess.

I went over to my desk and cleaned up, turning off and unplugging the light. As soon as I did that, I couldn't see. I want to open the creamed colored curtains, but on the way, I almost tripped. A book was laying in my path and pain soared through my foot. Sighing, I finally made it to the large window sill that protruded out the walls. I only got this apartment because of the window. I got on my knees and opened the curtains. The window faced the south, and the sun is still coming up. Peeking over the horizon, hues of pinks, blues, and purples painted the sky and clouds. I opened the window to let the cool air in and sighed in content.

Shuffling to get off the rather large sill to the counter. I grabbed my phone, charger, and coffee. I set them all on the window sill, plugging in my phone and grabbing some pillows and blankets. I want to be comfortable. I walked over to my desk grabbed my microphone, a ukulele, and a laptop. I started strumming and singing. I sang for a good 30 minutes before my throat started to become sore. I saved the file and closed my laptop. I'll have to edit that later. I checked my phone to see if it is fully charged. I kept the phone charged and opened SoundCloud on my laptop. I went to the discover tab and pressed play, instantly loving the first song, I added it to one of my playlists.

I spent that morning cleaning and singing off-key.