The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I didn't see the blonde-haired girl again until the first day of school. She walked into the gym where we all sat with her mom (who, I figured out, taught kindergarten). My friend Jordan and I just stared at her. Surprisingly, she was in our grade. I thought she was older. We silently pleaded with her to come sit with us. Eventually, she did. We talked and got to know each other. I learned her name, Alexandria Grace Myers, Alex for short. She was super nice and fun and smart and pretty. It was ridiculous how amazing she was. Throughout the school year, we started getting closer, but I always felt like the third-wheel to her and Jordan. Let me tell you, being the third-wheel in a friendship is much harder than being the third-wheel in a relationship. I tried so hard to get her attention. As much as being the third-wheel sucked, it wasn't a new feeling for me. I had been the third-wheel in almost every friendship I had ever had. With every new one, it seemed to hurt worse and worse. Still, I felt like Alex and I had something deeper than her and Jordan had. We had multiple conversations on the complexity of life and its meaning and we had gone through some really deep stuff together.

One time, on the Friday before Spring Break, I noticed that something about her was different. Something was off. She wasn't the same. I saw the marks. They were on her wrist. Cuts. That sent me into panic. I was a wreck for all of Spring Break. I devoted all my focus on her and making sure she was OK and that it didn't get worse. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, could't enjoy myself. It scared me. I was scared for her. I immediately talked to Jordan. She told me to make sure I had my facts right. We tried coming up with things that it could have been other than cuts. Jordan suggested that they were marks from a hairband. I responded by telling her that hairbands don't make a bright red, criss-crossed pattern. There was no mistaking what I had seen. Then I came up with a plan. I thought it was a good idea. I received a notebook for my birthday that was a couple days before. I spent all of my free time pouring everything I had in to this book. I found all these quotes and drew them in different fonts. I even added some from her favorite Coldplay songs. I planned on giving it to her when we got back. She never got it. I couldn't get the courage to bring myself to do it without talking to her first. I kept in in my backpack until I needed it again. She never knew about it. When I finally gathered all my courage and bravery and heart to ask her about it, I was glad I didn't give it to her. She promised me that they weren't cuts, that she was fine. I didn't believe her but I didn't say anything else about it. I was still upset though. I kept thinking to myself "Why did she do this? She is so perfect. Does she not see it?" It was a struggle for me to realize that I had no answers. There was nothing I could say that would slow down my racing brain. I heard a rumor from Jordan about Alex being confronted by a 9th grader about Alex's relationship with another 9th grader, Malachi. The girl who started it, Drew, told Alex that she didn't like Alex because Alex was in a relationship with Malachi, who Drew liked. I was angry at Drew for saying that. But when Alex said there were no cuts, I didn't do anything. I didn't confront Drew. I did nothing. I switched schools after that year. It was only a year. It wasn't long enough. I didn't have enough time with her. She helped me through everything, from my panic attacks to deciding whether or not Cheeto ice cream was a good idea. She was there through it all. On our last day together, I promised her I would see her again. I meant it.