3rd Wheel

Not So Bad

Jaeger:

Candon's baby momma never saw a lick of prison time. His step-mother and brother got her off and paid quite the hefty sum to keep it under wraps and keep her quiet about the whole affair. Paul's professor was found two years after the attack. He was hold up with relatives in Europe. He was extradited back to the states, tried, and convicted.

After insulting me, Lyn and Kyrie's paternal relatives were only allowed supervised visitation which they seldom took advantage of. I did write to their father once a month to let him know how his children were doing even though I didn't think he deserved it for taking Liz from us. I wanted to hate him so much. But how could I? He was part of Lyn and Kyrie. They knew of their father and that he couldn't be with them. I never kept that a secret. I had my hesitations on letting them see him in jail twice a year but I was assured by my loved ones it would be okay.

When Lyn turned fifteen, he asked to see me alone. I was hesitant. What could he possibly want with me?

I learned early to leave everything but my keys and identification in the car. Made getting through the metal detectors and x-ray machines faster. I followed behind the guards as they lead me through the maze of locked doors and winding hallways to the visiting area. Many prisons had rooms separated where people could only talk through phones. This one had an actual open area where visitors could sit beside each other and touch each other. Armed guards made sure they behaved.

My knee bounced up and down and I gnawed at a nail as I waited. There were three tables occupied by prisoners visiting with their families. One was holding the hand of a crying woman. Another was holding a small child on his lap and coloring with him while an older woman looked on. A third inmate had his face buried in his hands sobbing as a man and woman sat across from him.

The door opened and Liz's baby daddy slowly walked out. He was about 6'2, 260 lbs. He was a light-skinned man with light hazel brown eyes. His dark hair was cornrowed back and he had a trimmed beard and mustache. He was a nice looking man and I could see why Liz fell for him. I didn't understand why she stayed when he proved to be another bum.

He gave me a tight smile as he sat down. "Thanks for coming, Jaeger."

I nodded. "What's on your mind, Kirk?"

"I want to say thank you for taking care of my kids."

I crossed my arms over my chest. It wasn't the first time he'd thanked us. "No biggie."

"But it is," he insisted. "You could have let them go to the system or worse - to my family. But you didn't. You took them on. Thank you."

I nodded.

"Nothing can ever bring her back but I'm sorry for Liz. I was so messed up and so angry...I just...lost myself."

I closed my eyes as the anger welled up inside me.  Even after all this time, it cut like a knife.  My cousin killed over a misunderstanding and jealousy.  Two things I'm all too familiar with.  

He was staring out the window. His voice softened. For a moment, it seemed like he was talking to someone else. Like he was apologizing to Liz. "I wish I could redo that day. That moment all over. I wish I could go back and do better. Be the man she deserved."

"Why tell me this?"

"She was like your sister. You of all people deserve to hear this more than anyone else." He looked at me. "I found out I'm dying. I'm settling my affairs and I want you to have money for the kids."

"We already-"

He cut me off. "Just...please. Put it away for them. Take them on a trip around the world. Buy them a car of their own, I don't care. I just want to give them something. Let them know their father wasn't always a piece of shit."

I nodded. "Ok."

"A lawyer will contact you to give you a key to a safe deposit box. It has money, stocks, the deed to the house. You can sell it, cash in the stocks, you know."

I nodded.

"I also have life insurance. When I pass, they'll get it all."

I shifted in my seat. "How long?"

His voice cracked and he tilted his head back as his eyes glistened. "Less than a year."

I rubbed my forehead willing the sting in my eyes to go away.

He laughed bitterly. "The cancer... it's very aggressive. We found it too late. I went to the infirmary for an upper respiratory infection and - boom - there it was."

Cancer. If there was one wish I'd like granted it's for the cure for all forms of that fucking disease. Despite myself, I reached across the table and squeezed his hand. His eyes met mine and the tears just rolled down his cheeks. He closed his eyes and bit down on his lip.

"I'm so sorry, Jay. God help me. I was a piece of shit and I'm so fucking sorry."

"It doesn't matter anymore. You can make it up to your kids. Spend more time with them before the end. Be all the father you can be with the time you have left."

"You'd do that for me?"

I wanted to say, 'No, I'd do it for them,' but it's never been in my nature to be cruel. I nodded. Ten years doesn't seem to be a long time of punishment for a life cut short but who knows what kind of personal hell he's had to suffer behind these walls faced with his constant thoughts and memories. The demons haunting his sleep and the fact of knowing his life was coming to an end had to be a heavy weight indeed.

"I will arrange something with Candon and Paul. We will find a way to get them to you more often."

He smiled softly. "Thank you, Jay. For everything."

It was a cold wintry day when he passed at the hospital. He had been bedridden for a week. Surprisingly, they let the children and his family visit in his final days. It was quite emotional. In the end, the children gave him their forgiveness.

Imani's mother showed up at our office about the time she turned twelve. Candon was ready to haul her out by her graying ponytail but I convinced him to hear her out. She wanted to apologize for the role she played in deceiving Candon and for trying to sell Imani off. She even asked to see Imani sometime. We told her we'd let Imani decide.

We never told Imani how she came to be or how she was nearly sold off. All we told her was her mother wasn't ready for motherhood. We'd tell her the truth later. Imani agreed to meet her and we set them up with once a week visits. Paul hated it but we convinced him it was the right thing to do.

As I packed Lyn up for college she turned to me and smiled. "You know, papa Jay. Third wheels aren't so bad."

I blinked at her in confusion. "Huh?"

She sat beside me on the floor where I was folding clothes and putting them in a box.  "You always complained how you felt like a third wheel. But if you think about it they keep balance. Like a tricycle. Make the ride more smooth. Kinda like you. You have men on both extremes and you're there, nicely in the middle, keeping it all balanced. As long as you talk about things and don't hold stuff in, everyone can solve problems together and focus on each other and enjoy whatever comes."

I sat back with my mouth agape. Not once did I ever see it this way. Sure, Candon and Paul have often said I'm the glue that holds us together but I didn't see how. I was just always me and did my best to keep my loves happy without losing too much of myself.

She wrapped her arms around me. "I hope I can find one or two people to love me just as much as you all love each other and will fight for me just as hard."

I kissed the top of her head and smiled. "Me too."

El Fin