My Love Hurts You (BoyXboy)

Chapter 12

*Jackie's pov*

-beep-

I cannot believe this bullshit. I thought it was going well. The first time i let my guard down with him,  at the bridge,  and THEN he decides to end it! I should've bit his frekin pecker off. UGh!!!
I knew it was too good to be true.  Theres no way i could ever just live life without drama. RighT God!? 'Fuck No, you pathetic peice of shit.' is the answer.
    To be honest i did say some really awful things just now.. To Alex. I threatened him pretty badly jeez.. When i get mad i really cant control what i say, can i.. Ugh... I should've just said 'ok' and went on with life. But of course its never fuckin easy is it..

I lay back on my bed.

Why did i ever try to fix the relationships in my life just to ruin them again. Jeeeeez.  Now what is Zach gonna think when Alex dosent show up to our usual events?  What am i supposed to say?! I really fucked up this time. Goddamn me. This is my punishment isnt it. For being the worst person in the fuckin world to ever exist. Why am i even allowed to live. A fucking homosexual fuck up. No doubt that Hell is where im going. Why does life have to be like this.  Why did i have to be like this... I..  I wish I'd never been born.. I wish my dad hadn't left..  I wish i could just be normal. Or nice. I wish wishing actually did something.. Ugh..

What am i gonna do!?... Maybe i can apologize?  I dont think that what i said could ever be forgiven though. Maybe i should just do it anyways.

I geuss its worth a shot.

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-ringringringring-
-beep-
'Please leave a messafe for-'

"uh hey alex..  Im sorry for what i said earlier. I went way overboard. I dont expect you to forgive me easily..  Id do anything to make it right.. Please call me back."

-beep-
... ... .............. ......... .. ......... ...... .... ...

He didn't pick up. I dont blame him. Why would he after what i said? 

I look at the alarm clock on my computer stand.

6:34 p.m.

Its been hours, and i still cant stop thinking about it.

I don't deserve him. I took him for granted and now hes gone.  Just like my dad.  Fucking hell.. Making me lie to my friends.. Saying you and mom went on a honeymoon..Leaving mom.. And me. How come everyone always leaves me.. Even Alex is gone now.

Jeez...  I must've actually had feelings for him or something holy shit. And i thought i liked Zachary!.. Jeez.  Im a mess.

Maybe i should just let everyone go. I dont deserve them anyways.  I deserve to be punished for my past waysss. Hung. Left to burn in Hell for eternity. But i could never kill myself.. I couldn't do that to my mom. Id never leave her. Im all she has..

I felt tears well up in my eyes..
Hot streams pour down my face.

Id rather just die than deal with all this drama.

I let out a shriek of frustration.

I get up and wipe my face on my sleeve.